❁ • 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 • ❁ a pope heyward fanfic

𝟷𝟽 ❁ 𝚋𝚊𝚍𝚊𝚜𝚜

warning • self harm

"That was crazy!" JJ exclaimed from the passenger seat of Kie's car as the group rode away from the mess they created. "That was so smart, Kie! Man! Fucking badass." He went on.

Kayanna attempted to drown out his voice. His loud voice did not help the pounding in her head or the dizziness she was experiencing.

"You should have told me what was happening." Kie scolded, shaking her head.

"You would've been pissed,"

"Yeah, but I'd also be prepared." She spoke, her eyes on the road.

"Whatever.... so, where to?" JJ asked clearly filled with adrenaline.

"Can you take me home?" Kayanna spoke, her voice quiet and soft.

Kie glanced to the backseat. "Sure... are you okay?" She asked.

Kayanna closed her eyes for a moment, trying to dull the pounding in her head. "Yeah, just a little beat."

"Rafe got you pretty good." Pope pointed out concernedly, scanning her face.

"Yeah, my head hurts a little, but I'm fine. I kinda," she closed her eyes again, leaning on the window. "just wanna sleep."

Pope nodded, although there was a indistinguishable look in his eyes. Worry maybe? Confusion? Who knows.

"You were pretty badass, too, Kayanna!" JJ twisted his head around from the passenger seat. "You were all like 'fuck off... leave him alone'. Fuckin' badass." He turned back around. "Man, don't mess with Pogues."

"You know you were getting your asses handed to you, right?" Kie deadpanned, although there was a small smile on her face.

"Okay, whatever miss debbie downer." JJ scoffed, lighting a blunt.

Kie pulled the car up the Deion's driveway, all the way to the front door before putting the car in park. She turned around to Kayanna who unbuckled and slowly placed her back pack on her shoulder. "You sure you're okay?"

Kay glanced up slowly, opening the door with her right hand. "Yeah." She said placing her feet on the ground.

Kie stared at her with an unsure look on her face. "Okay, well you have a shift at Heyward's tomorrow right? I'll pick you up."

"Okay, yeah. Sounds good." Kay shut the door and walked up the steps to her own front door. Or the Deion's front door. She stepped inside, feeling a rush of cold air. Even in her painful state she still appreciated how amazing that felt. She heard Kie drive away and made her way to the stairs leading to the floor her room was on. She climbed them slowly, feeling heavier with every step. When she finally reached her room she collapsed on her bed, exhausted.

• ❁ •

"Kayanna?" A voice drew Kayanna out of her peaceful slumber. She opened her eyes, suddenly aware of the pounding in her head that hadn't stopped. "Kayanna, I'm so sorry."

"What?" It took a moment for her to fully comprehend what was happening. Kelce was in her doorway. A bright light from the hallway shone into her room, making her squint her eyes.

"I'm so sorry about what happened tonight. I didn't know you would be there— and I told them not to touch you... ever. I can't believe— I cant believe he did that to you and—"

"Fuck off."

"What?"

Confrontation was not something Kayanna had ever been good at. The only time she yelled at anyone was when she was either exhausted, or very upset. She was both right now. "You could have helped. I asked you to stop." She exclaimed, tears prickling into her eyes. Another problem: She was an angry crier.

"I know but they sunk Top's boat, and Rafe—"

"I don't fucking care!" Kayanna was standing now, tears threatening to roll out of her eyes. "You didn't have to hold JJ back! You could have stopped the whole thing! Or fucking prevented it?!"

He furrowed his brows, guilt all over his face. "I told you to stay the fuck away from them."

"And I told you to get better friends!" She took a deep breath, reigning in her emotions as best she could. "You can't tell me who I can or can't hang out with. Don't fucking tell me what to do."

"Whatever, dude. Those Pogues really got to you. Exactly what I fucking warned you about but do you listen?! No. You just do whatever the fuck you want. I was just coming to see if you were alright and fucking apologize but you clearly already have your head up your ass, so just forget it." He spat turning away.

"Fuck you, Kelce!" Kayanna shouted as he slammed the door.

Hot tears flowed down her face. She already regretted getting angry and saying the things she did. What was done was done, though. She paced around her room, her head pounding still.

Finally, she grabbed some pajamas and went to the bathroom. She stared at her swollen eyes in the mirror before washing her face. She felt suffocated with her necklaces and bracelets and began sliding them off feeling the need to breath. When she pulled off the bracelets on her left wrist, her eyes caught the scars. From before. Her eyes drifted from scar to scar. Her thoughts and emotions were all over the place as she ran her fingers a long them. A distraction might be nice. Her eyes scanned the room for a razor. Anything  sharp. She opened the cabinet under the sink and rummaged through a box before finding a razor.

She reached for it, popping off the cap and pulling it towards her wrist.

Wait. What the fuck?

What was she doing? She'd come so far. She was in a good place. It was a good place physically.. and mentally. She was making friends. She was... happy. Why bring the pain back? To distract herself from one bad night? No. Not this time. Not again. She shoved it back in the box as shut the cabinet door. She placed her hands on the counter, staring at her reflection again. She needed sleep. Sleep would help. She shut off the bathroom light and walked back to her bed, sliding under the covers, and falling asleep.

• ❁ •

A/n

Whooooo I am exhausted. This probably has a billion errors and stuff. I'll probably edit it tomorrow or sometime bc I am not gonna catch anything right now lol

I had a butt load of family drama today and I'm literally so tired it's not even funny 😀 yeet

peace <3