The unbreakable

The Aftermath

Burned our souls and dirty clothes, stripped the ceilings of our love
'Cause when I said I needed you, I cried my baby heart
It's not fair you're not in love with me
I cried my ocean sail on my eyes, see 

pulse- Leah Jenae

      It had been almost 5 years since their deaths and it hadn't got any easier, to say the least. after the calls stop coming and people stopped asking was I okay, I was still here and it was still hurting. it's whatever tho we can't change the past so we're forced to move on even if we don't want to. so much shit changed since they had died. My mother went bat shit crazy it's to the point that I don't even speak to her ass. Her ass went so far as to her kick my brother out for going back to the street her excuse was "I won't watch another person die from the hands of the streets." she was just crazy as hell in my opinion. It was like when she kicked him out the nigga cut us all off I hadn't seen or heard from him since the accident and that was 2 years ago. I heard my phone going off and that was my clue to get my wide ass up and get ready for school. to say I'm ready to get tf away from this place would be an understatement. the only reason I was still here was because of my best friend and father. I went to my dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats and went to the closet and grabbed one of my many jackets. It was my last year at this hell hole and I was so glad. I lotion my body with my dove lotion and put my bra on and went to put my clothes on. since their death, I really don't talk much unless I'm talked to I really just stay in my room and go to work. I'm still on the wide side but shit I don't care I learned to live with it and keep it pushing. Some might say I'm a tone boy but I just like to look comfortable and that on PURR. I looked at my phone and I had 24 messages from nobody but the damn group chat. I grabbed my phone and the rolled blunt I rolled last night for this morning. I grabbed my big bag of chips and three water and put them in my bag grabbed my keys and head it downstairs. As I walked downstairs, I can hear my family laughing I heard my dad and my mom and the voice that hunt it my nightmares. I felt my heart being to race out of my chest. so many questions ran through my head like why he was here and how many years they would give me for killing this nigga. it got harder for me to breathe as I hear him ask where I was. I knew at that moment I need it to make a ran for it, so I put my hood on and ran straight past them not saying a word.     

         I got in my car and drove off so fast I just had to get away I couldn't be around him. no one knows about what happened to me them nights. I never dared to tell anyone once it starts to happen, I want it to tell but I felt as if no one cared because no one noticed that I would run out of the room when he came in or I was at the park most of the time till night. how I start it not sleeping and locking myself in the room. then there was him threaten my whole family and once again I choose their life before me and there, I was again losing someone so close to me but this time it was myself. I could barely see out the window and I knew I had to pull the car over I could feel my breath leaving my body I had to calm down or I would have a heart attack. I need it to get my shit together I was not that 15-year-old that was weak and scared but why did I feel like I was back there? I felt like the little girl trapped in the room the same little girl I promise I would never be again. I thought I was over it but here I was back in the same place. I used to ask why can't be happy and have a normal life, but I came to the conclusion that some people just don't have happiness and I was one of those people that would never be happy, and I was ok with that. I was knocked out of my thoughts when I heard a horn being blown at me as a black Cadillac truck with the tent it windows start rolling up on my slow. I went into attack mode I reached over and grabbed the gun from under my seat. I look out the window as they let their window down and it was another than East. the most feared person in Chicago other than my dad. I ain't really too much care for him tho he was sexy as fuck don't get me wrong, but he was rude ash and in my opinion that makes you ugly. he was Damien's best friend's older brother and my uncle k best friend. he had graduate it about two going on three years and I never got along with his big-headed ass. he was so used to people giving him everything he wanted, and I was not one of those people fuck he thought this was. so I just keep my distance from him because I know how my mouth is and I just don't have the energy to talk to him. After Damien's death, his best friend Chris and I became close he was now my best and only friend. I would have never thought that I and he would have become bestie but look I can't go anywhere without that nigga.