The unbreakable

Hell on Earth

"I am a healer
I am your deliverer
I am way maker
I am, I am your sufficiency"...
Everything you need..
Everything you want
Everything you need

The Lord's Song by Maranda Curtis 

it was now 8 pm and I had been at Chris's house all day just smoking and chillin' with him . its always hard on him this time of year. it was hard on us both but you see  it was different for Chris because he saw him die. I hate it seeing him cry, it reminded me of the first time i saw him cry . it was after D's funeral, I myself had been crying all day and I was tried . 

(flashback to the funeral )

Numb ... was all I felt right now. I had cried all my tears, there was no more left. I had asked my brother to take me home I was ready to be by myself. my mom and dad went to the wait after I just couldn't do it I had seen enough people. there were a lot of people there some that D ain't even know. He would have read their ass if he was here. it was a nice funeral; I sit up front with his mom all I could do was hug her. she had lost another child, three years before she lost d's older brother to the streets and here, she was bearing yet another child to them. she cried on me as i cried on her she understood the pain of losing two people so close to you and a short time. I tried to be strong for her but once it was time for them to close the casket, I lost it. it was at that moment that I had really accepted that the love of my life, my best friend had died, and it was nothing I could do. all I could do was cry as loud as I could we both did. It felt like as they close it another piece of my heart was in a casket. I cried and cried as I felt someone hug me from the other side, I thought it was my mom or dad but as I turned around it was Chris hugging me. we had never really talked before D's death it was a hey and bye thing, but I knew he was there when he died, he was the one that watch him take his last breath. I don't know what came over me, but I turned around and hugged on to him as hard as I could. I felt little tears hit my shoulder. Here we were crying over our best Friends death, and I realize me, and d's mom was not the only person who lost someone close he did to.   

                 Fast-forward to after funeral

     I was in my room looking at his obituary as I heard a knock at the door.  knowing my brother would open it because he knew I wasn't coming to opening it.  So caught up in my thought I didn't even hear someone come in my room. I looked up and there Chris was looking like as if he was going to break down at any min. Getting up, I went to hug him as he broke down. He was bellowing so hard saying how he was sorry and how he tried to save him, and it broke my heart. I tried to stay strong for him, but I found myself crying with him. I walked us to the bed with him still crying on me and laid us down and let him get it all out. This was the first time I had ever seen this dude cry. when he broke his leg last year when him and d were jumping off the trampoline to see who could go the farthest. he didn't drop one tear he just screamed. yet here he was crying in my arms in my bed. that night Chris and I had the deepest and longest conversation we had ever had.  we talked about how all of them people there a'int even know d and was there crying. it pissed me off and I'm glad it mad someone else there mad.