And They Were Roommates (A Sakusa Story)

15. Sakusa Confronts His Inner Demons Part 1 (ft. A cool poem) (warning: simp)

Word Count: 1504. Please don't forget to vote if you like the chapter :)))

Sakusa's POV

He watched (l/n) cross out another word, fingers clenched around the pen as if she were running out of time. She sort of was, in a sense- Sakusa had finished his poem five minutes ago. Although he had told her to take all the time she needed, (l/n) had gone from looking like a cottagecore girl writing recipes in her journal to an ABG trying to forge a fake ID as she frantically scrawled on her paper.

"Shit!" She hissed under her breath, pen freezing mid stroke. She grabbed her milk tea and took a large gulp, chugging like a frat boy. "Sakusa! What rhymes with human?"

"Uh- boo, men?" He suggested after a long pause.

(l/n) gave him a funny look but then nodded her head in approval. "Huh. Amen to that, but I don't think it's what I'm looking for."

She went back to scanning the page anxiously. Sakusa briefly wondered if she would give up and cross out yet another failed phrase, but instead her gaze hardened with newfound resolve. "You know what? Screw it, I'm not going to rhyme for the last stanza."

Sakusa leaned back in his chair, the lactose in the milk tea beginning to upset his stomach. "Go for it. Most poets opt for the non rhyming route anyway."

He was surprised by how nonchalant their meeting (which was essentially therapy) had become. The more they talked, exchanging ideas and swapping opinions, the more Sakusa felt himself slip into the comforting ease of (l/n)'s presence. He acknowledged it, but didn't try to resist. So much for putting distance between them.

After three minutes of silence, marred only by the scrape of pen against paper, (l/n) completed her poem. Out of breath and slightly red in the face, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and blew out a long breath. "Alright, I think I'm ready. Want to read yours first?"

Sakusa thought about it before a moment. "No."

(l/n)'s mouth fell open. She certainly hadn't expected that. "Wait, why not?"

"I think it's only fair that you go first, given that you finished after me." He teased lightly. In actuality, he was merely stalling; no matter how vague his poem was, there was still truth hidden in its symbols, truth he wasn't ready for her to hear.

(l/n) took a halfhearted sip of her milk tea. "Fine. But it's- ugh, it got way too cheesy at the end." A slow smile spread across her face and Sakusa knowingly braced himself for a pun. "Actually, maybe I shouldn't read it. Cause of your lactose intolerance, y'know?"

It was Sakusa's turn to go red in the face. "I can't believe you went there." He said drily, but a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Everything he'd fought for- his volleyball career, his mental health, his crippling fear of being hurt again- told him to let her go. He knew her poem was probably a send off, in anticipation of their separation, but he wanted to grasp the thin piece of paper and keep it close to his chest. She was handling it pretty well, his request for distance. He had told her virtually nothing, but she had respected his wishes immediately.

Hours before he had been so sure of his decision to put distance between them.

Now he was having second thoughts.

Bantering back and forth with her, just being with her, struck him with both joy and regret. He felt like an Alaska native coming back from a tropical vacation- after briefly swearing he preferred the sun he now found himself back in the presence of snow, and it was beautiful. He knew it was for the best, but...