Specularis (The Order - Vermish)

4: watch me as I disappear

"You can't be serious! This was THE plan?" I gripped the copies she made of the summoning incantation I found peeking out of one of her drawers. "Get murdered by a demon?" A bitter laugh escaped my lips.

Her expression held so much disbelief and defensiveness. "That is such hyperbole, and you know it. You're thinking of worst-case scenarios when you could give me the benefit of the doubt! I am not some helpless, naive acolyte performing her first unsanctioned magic."

"No, but you are desperate, and about to summon a fucking demon without magic and hell, I can't even tell which one is worse anymore. And let me point out the fact that you did not even think to consider sharing this with me!" My voice became more agitated.

"Because this is MY decision to make. Not yours or anybody else's." She spat at me, her hands clutching the desk that was separating us, and her head leaned towards mine as if to challenge me.

"I get your point -- I really do -- but when something goes wrong, how do you think that's gonna affect us? Me? You are not the only one in this relationship. Whatever bad shit happens to you affects me. I opened up to you not just an hour passed, and you stood there and said the same old bullshit that everything was going to be fine! How could you just do that?"

"Nothing bad is going to happen! It's like you don't even know me!" Her attempts to reassure me were not effective. Not right now.

"Vera, I do know you. I know how capable you are, trust me, I see that. But you are not invincible!"

"I know I'm not. I never claimed to be. What I am, though, is obligated and in danger of losing everything I've worked hard for. And if the benefit outweighs the risk, don't you think it's a shot worth taking?"

"STOP thinking like a leader right now! Think like a person who's going to die if this ends badly."

"But I am who I am, Hamish. It's not like I can escape my responsibilities just because I'm afraid." I hate it when she's absolutely right.

"That... that is true." Unfortunately.

"Listen-" At the worst possible timing, my phone rang.

"Let me get this." I lifted my head and sighed in frustration. "Hamish Duke."

Before the caller could even utter a word, I heard shouting and chaos in the background. "I know who the fuck you are. Hamish, get your ass in here!" was Jack's panicked greeting.

"Why? What's going on?"

"Lilith is a fucking demon!" So she's awake. Finally.

"I hate to sound like an asshole, but could you please elaborate?"

"Dude! She's throwing sunbeams or whatever the fuck this hot shit is in front of us, and she's asking for you!" More yelling was audible and now, I was even able to hear something that resembled fire lashing out.

"Uh-"

"If you fucking ask another question, I swear I'm going to-"

"Fine. I'll be there. Tell her I'll be there. And don't you dare let her burn anything from my bar!"

I turn back to face Vera who was carelessly drinking her sorrows away. "I have to go."

I grabbed the drink she was holding. Slowly, I placed it on the desk in front of us, and I caught both her hands. Against my lips was where I ended up settling our intertwined fingers. "But I can't just leave after all that. I don't want to- I can't. So, we will talk later with much calmer nerves, and we compromise, understand each other properly. Okay?" I stopped to lean in towards her. It was cautiously acted, the uncertainty of my movements palpable. Sensing my unsure reaction, Vera reciprocated, closing the distance and kissing me. And I just didn't want to stop.

"I don't wanna lose you, lose this," I admitted and then proceeded to kiss her more deeply, more fervently as if I needed it. Perhaps I did.

"I l-" Shit. "I'll see you later."

As I approached the den, Randall's defiance was immediately perceptible. "Lilith! Stop, please! I'm not ready to get a tan! Or worse, a sunburn."

"Randall, fucking seriously? Now is not the time to be joking!" Gabrielle chided.

"Gabrielle, it's ten jokes too late." Nicole's exasperated sigh was what welcomed me.

"Are you guys serious? Three werelocks and one practitioner, and yet you still can't handle Lilith. I'm so proud of you, Lil." I sneak a proud grin at her.

"Hamish!" Randall held out his hands in his excitement of my arrival. "I keep telling you, it's warwolves."

"That's fucking rude. How about you beat her yourself, dickwad?" Gabrielle, charming as always.

"Gladly. Distract her for me, will you?" The four of them stood on each side of Lilith, confusing her enough to distract her. That enough gave me time to grab the knife I kept in my pocket and slit my palm. Placing both my hands on her forehead, I recite the spell of my choice: "Tum somnum."

That was all it took to knock Lilith out instantaneously.

Gabrielle scoffed. "A sleep spell, seriously?"

"Honestly, I'm kind of impressed." Nicole shrugged which earned her an appreciative smile from me.

"What can I say, I have a great teacher." I boast with a smug smirk.

"Ugh, dude." Randall shot me a look of disgust.

"That's gross, Hamish." Jack simply shook his head.

Everything seemed to have gone in our favor when eventually at an abnormal speed, Lilith stood up, imitated my earlier actions -- covered my head with her hands, and everything faded to black, my body fell to the ground. "Shit."

The moment I opened my eyes it was as if I was teleported someplace else. Someplace I've never been before. I was for sure inside a house. Inside a dark corridor to be more specific with plenty of items (a crib, a couple of toys, children's clothes) a cluttered mess. There was an emptiness to be heard except for the droplets of water hitting the sink. Until- crying. Somebody was crying, and it sounded like-

"Vera," I whispered to no one in particular. And then she was right there in front of me. Her eyes were directed at me, but she was unaware of my presence. The more I examined her, the more I noticed how this must be her when she was sixteen. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

"Lilith. LIL!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Get me out of here!"

It was a cruel, fucked-up position I was in being forced to watch as the girl sobbed even harder. "If this is your idea of torture, then this is messed up!"

Witnessing Vera stumble and clutch her heart in pain was the most horrifying sight. It was too much. I didn't want this. I didn't want to invade her past. The secrets that she's chosen to reveal might have been extremely lacking and gravely understated her struggles, but they were enough. They were the only ones I deserved to know. "Lilith, I'm serious!" And still, my terror was rewarded with nada.

"Where the hell am I?"