To The Stray Dogs [Bungou Stray Dogs Fanfic] [Author's Edition]

Chapter 1

I know, I'm four years late to watch the anime T^T

"Dazai-kun! Where are you you?" I called, my black hair blowing in the wind. "The idiot jumped into the river and he could be out at sea at this point," said Kunikida. "Why are we even babysitting this man?" I muttered. We walked along the river bank and found Dazai talking to a boy on the other side. "Ah! He's over there!" I said. "There you are, blockhead!" Kunikida yelled.

"Oh, hey. Nice work, Kunikida-kun, Vivi-chan." Dazai called. "Nice work? And just who caused all this work, you suicidal maniac?! I've had enough of you disrupting my schedule!" Kunikida exclaimed. "He's not listening to you," I said when Dazai went back to chatting with the boy. "Are you listening to me?!" Kunikida raged.

I heard Dazai ask the boy, Nakajima Atsushi, what he wanted to eat. "I'd like to eat tea on rice..." he answered. Dazai stared at the boy before laughing. "So a boy on the brink of starvation wants to eat tea on rice? Very well, let's have Kunikida-kun treat you to thirty bowls of that!" he said. "Don't get all generous with my money, Dazai!" Kunikida shouted. "It's hopeless..." I said.

**********

At a teahouse...

"You're unbelievable. Who goes 'that's a nice river' and jumps into it in the middle of a job?!" Kunikida asked. I was sitting beside Atsushi while he stuffed face with tea on rice. "Thanks to you, look! Look how off-schedule we are now!" "You sure like your schedules, Kunikida-kun," said Dazai. Kunikida slammed his notebook on the table and said, "This isn't a schedule! This is an ideal! My guide in life!"

I continued to watch Atsushi eat his fill while Kunikida continued, "And nowhere in this book is written that my work partner is a suicidal maniac!" Atsushi asked a question but with his mouth full. "Shut up! Nowhere on my projected expenses page will find written that I buy a million bowls of tea on rice for a snot-nosed brat!" said Kunikida.

Atsushi asked another question. "Like I said, it's a job!" Another question was asked. "Our job today? It involves the military." "How are you two communicating, actually?" I asked and the two looked at me. A few minutes later, Atsushi finished eating. "I'm so full. I don't want to see another bowl of this for at least ten years," he said and patted his stomach.

"Why, you... How dare you be so shameless after eating on my dime?" said Kunikida. "You're a real lifesaver," said Atsushi. "After leaving the orphanage and coming to Yokohama, I've had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep. I thought I'd die of starvation." "You're from an orphanage? asked Dazai. "Putting it one way, yes. But they kicked me out," said Atsushi.

"Eh? Why?" I asked. "That's some non-profit there," said Dazai. "Hey, Dazai!" said Kunikida. "We're not some philanthropists going around helping brats down on their luck, okay? Let's get back to the job at hand." "That reminds me, you said earlier that your current job involves the military. What is your line of work, exactly?" asked Atsushi.

"Oh, we're just private investigators," said Dazai. "Private investigators..?" Atsushi repeated. "That's not to say we only handle lost pets and alleged extramarital affairs. Perhaps you've heard of the Armed Detective Agency, an organization with individuals possessing supernatural powers?" Kunikida asked. "What?" Atsushi asked in shock.

Kunikida was busy writing in his notebook when Dazai's eyes sparkled. "Check out that nice beam up there," he said and Atsushi looked up. "Dazai-kun you should stop," I said. "Don't analyze whether you can hang yourself in a random teahouse we just stumbled into!" said Kunikida.

"Don't get me wrong. We're talking the hanging health method," said Dazai. "What's that about?" I asked. "What, you don't know?! It's so good for shoulder cramps!" said Dazai. "What?! Such a thing exists?!" asked Kunikida. "Hey, write this all down!" Dazai told him. "Hanging... health... method..." Kunikida muttered as he wrote in his notebook.