To The Stray Dogs [Bungou Stray Dogs Fanfic] [Author's Edition]

Chapter 6

In our dorm room...

"Here you go," said Dazai as he paid me back. "Thank you," I said and put the money in my wallet. "Now, when are you gonna pay your tabs?" "You can pay them for me~," he said. I slowly turned to him and my demon fox aura was showing. "Excuse me?" I asked. "Just kidding." he quickly said. "You're lucky the president allowed us to share a room." I hissed.

"That's because we've known each other for a long time," he said. "You've changed a lot ever since," I said and smiled. "I'm going to sleep first. Goodnight, Dazai-kun." I crawled underneath the covers and fell fast asleep. He leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek. "Goodnight, my love," he whispered.

**********

I woke up the next morning to find Dazai gone beside me. "Eh? He left without me again?" I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I got dressed and went to work. "Good morning," I said when I opened the door to find Dazai standing on his desk. "Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you went." I said. Dazai was acting a bit funny.

"Um, hello? Are you listening?" I called. He slowly turned to me and had a creepy look on his face. "Uh, Dazai-kun?" I peeped. "Vivi-chan!!!" he cried and launched himself at me. "Oh my god!!!" I screeched. He wrapped his arms around me and said, "Vivi-chan, you should join me in the afterlife!" "Are you high?!" I asked.

"Vivi-san, is something wrong?" Atsushi asked as he opened the door. "Atsushi-kun, help me get this man off of me!" I cried.

**********

"Good morning." Kunikida said as he entered the room. "Kunikida-san, please save us!" Atsushi cried. The door slowly closed shut and Kunikida asked, "What's going on so early in the day?" "J-J-Just look at Dazai-san!" said Atsushi as he looked at Dazai standing on his desk. I was passed out on the couch saying, "Lord, please save me..."

"Oh! Kunikida-kun, it's an emergency! Just look!" said Dazai as he pointed upward. Atsushi pushed Kunikida forward and he asked, "Look at what?" "At that!" Dazai cried. "I only see your idiot face!" said Kunikida. "I've finally arrived... in the afterlife! At Yomotsuhirasaka! It's exactly as I'd imagined! Blue smoke trailing along the ground, moonlight dashing against the windows, and pink elephants dancing in the western sky!" Dazai spouted nonsense.

"What's going on?" Kunikida asked. "Kunikida-san. I think this may explain," said Atsushi as he held up a half-eaten mushroom and Dazai's suicide book. "I knew the Complete Guide to Suicide was a masterpiece! Who knew I just needed to eat mushrooms growing in the nearby hills to have such an entertaining way out?!" Dazai cried and laughed maniacally.

"So he ate poisonous mushrooms?" said Kunikida. I walked over to Atsushi who was reading the book and said, "Well, he thought he was eating lethal mushrooms, but... I guess he's just really high right now." Then Dazai pounced on us and cried, "Ah, I've finally caught you, rainbow pillbug! All right, let's eat you back home! " "Kunikida-san!" Atsushi cried. "Let me go!" I wailed.

"I'm doing my customary paperwork after arriving at work. Wait till I'm done," he said. "What?!" Atsushi and I cried. After Dazai tied us up with bandages, he went over to Kunikida. "Kunikida-kun," said Dazai as he grabbed Kunikida's cheeks and stretched them. "You should come to the afterlife, too. It's amazing."

Atsushi and I were struggling against our bondage while Dazai continued to bother Kunikida. "There are rainbow pillbugs, too. You can drink all you want! You can eat all you want! You can look at all the sleeping beauties you could possibly-" Kunikida lost it and grabbed Dazai before throwing him over his shoulder, knocking him out. "Shut up!" Kunikida exclaimed.

The door opened and Haruno came in. "Kunikida-san, the president has your case for the day," she said. I turned into a fox to break free of the bandages, turned back, and helped untie Atsushi. "Come here you," I said as I dragged Dazai into the control room. "Give us a moment." I closed the door before beating him up.