The Lies You Tell

ꪖꪶꪶ ડꫝꫀ ᭙ꪖꪀ𝕥ꫀᦔ ᭙ꪖડ 𝕥ꪮ ᥇ꫀ ꪶꪮꪜꫀᦔ

In my head I've did all I can do to show her
but to her it meant nothing, we use to talk everyday, she use to be happy to sit on the phone with me.
Now there's no love in her voice,
just pain in her heart...

I go outside to check the mail, pure usual
Comcast bill, A vogue magazine..
Then there's a thick envelope

To: Tatianna James
From: Briel Taylor

As I open the letter, a picture falls out
A picture of the tattoo on her chest..

My heart start beating fast.

T I love you! I don't think you understand how much! When I'm having a rough day,
I look atchu and it brightens..
when nobody motivates me.
you're there to support me..
but when it comes to love...
I just wish you knew how to show me!
When it comes to emotion, i wish you would show them.. I wanna see you when you hurt, so I know.. I wanna be able to prevent what hurts or harm you.
if I was to leave.. you wouldn't care!
You might feel away,
but you wouldn't fight for me to stay..
You rather argue than express yourself!
Why is that? You can't continue to treat me like your past, cause I'm not them! I know you've been hurt but why is that my fault?
If you break a glass, is it my job to put the pieces back together if I wasn't holding it? I've tried my hardest to show you a love you've never felt! I remember calling you beautiful when you felt ugly! When we first met! I flew to see you not even knowing if you were real or not! Every holiday.. I made sure you felt important, it's not about materialistic things.. but I don't get anything from you.. it's hard to bare knowing you'd die for a person that's stuck in their ways and won't change for you.. when we fight.. you're all in.. but if we break apart you're quick to give up on me.. I feel as if your in love with my ambition, the thought of having someone who's for you..
But I can't continue doing this! We've been through so much T! But at times you make me regret everything that I've sacrificed..
I met ya family... but you're not eager to let mine.. anytime you need me.. I'm one call away.. but I can't say the same for you..
You see that smile I give you.. you can't give me the same.. I've been holding on to you because of my emotions not because of how you make me feel.. I'm in this fight alone, I just wish I had my other half..

Reading this letter broke my heart, she's completely right.. I never gave it 100% of me, because I'm use to people hurting me, I'm use to the bad that I'm
Blinded when good comes.. I don't know how to embrace my emotions.. at a young age my father looked me dead in my eyes and told me I wasn't his child.. My mother rather be my best friend than a mother.. I didn't grow up the way she did.. it was hard, I had to raise my little brother and sister,
I didn't have a life....

How do you embrace something that's never shown?
How do I love, when no one ever loved me.. Why did I enter a relationship knowing I wasn't ready for it..

I become unsympathetic,
My emotions vanished..

She'd been trying to engage and make things work,
But I still wasn't ready.. it almost seemed as if we were together, but I pushed us to be friends..
A year of us being separated eventually made my feelings die.. but the thought of her being with someone else didn't sit well in my eyes

One minute I wanted her, the next..
I didn't.. eventually it got to a point where we barely spoke.. Briel never gave up..
If she couldn't get in contact with me she'd call my mom or grandmother,
They had their own relationships, which was fuckin up everything I had going on..

" T if you don't want nothing to do with me, Say dat! It's like I'm forcing myself on you"
Briel emotions were everywhere

"Briel! I'm not ready for a relationship!"
Being honest with her and myself

"So why do everything that requires a relationship?
Why do you tell me you love me? Why are we still having sex?"
Briel asking question after question

" Briel! You knew what it was before we start back doing this! I'm content! It's comfortable!"

"Nahhh you made it seem like you wanted me just as bad as I wanted you! Now you friendzoning me..
If we're not dating, working on being together or actually together by June.. I'm Done, mark my words"
Her mind wanted to give up but her heart couldn't let her

" I here you Briel! You can't put a time limit on things"

"So what you expect me to do? Continue being dumb for someone who clearly don't wanna be with me? How you date someone for 4 years and now you have to think about if you wanna be with them or not?"
We knew what it would come to..

I've been through so much with her, from the lies, the baby mama drama, her ignoring me when I was ready.. now she expects me to drop what I'm doing to tend to her and her feelings...

"Anyways..."

Changing the subject
"Whatchu doing?"

"Bout to go get a haircut!"
You couldn't tell her she wasn't fine once she gotta haircut..

" Baldhead Ass"

"Aye watch ya mouth! I'm baldhead by choice,
the ladies love it tho!"
She was so conceited

" The ladies? What fucking ladies?
You lucky! I give you what I give you"

"Wtf is that suppose to mean?! You ain't the only female I can get! I choose to stick to you! It's plenty fishes in the sea!"
Responding disrespectfully

"Oh yeah I forgot.... you a hoe!"
How the fuck! Do she say some foul shit like that and not expect me to be mad

" You called me a hoe???! You know the bitch and hoe thing is overboard right! So since ima hoe! I'm out!"
*Click* Briel hangs up in my face

She ignored me for 8 Days, and as time passed
It  came to a point where I stop caring if I hear from her or not.. disrespect is disrespect.. if you can get any fish n the sea.. you a hoe! Cause I'm the fish you sucking and fucking.

* Incoming Text*

Briel: Are you ready to say sorry?
Me: Girl you ignore me for 8 days
! Now you wanna text me? I'm not apologizing, I don't feel like I was wrong!
Briel: So you telling me if I called you a hoe, you wouldn't be mad?
Me: Not if I said what you said,
Briel: Ight! It amazes me how you don't put this energy into a relationship but you put it into disrespecting me..
Me: it amazes me how you can ignore me for 8 DAYS.. Bye I'm not doing this with you.