My Illegal Romance (Frerard student/teacher) *EDITING*

Chapter 12

Much to my own surprise I didn't snap back at her, I didn't scream at her, or hit her, or even say a word. Parts of my brain were telling me to grab the knife and fucking stab her, but I didn't I just let her slip out of the door. Ever since I was a little kid I promised I wouldn't let anyone get to me, and until now I had virtually never let them, but this did, I couldn't stop it from getting under my skin.

Her words kept echoing through my head, 'No surprise your parents prefer me,' 'Gay psychopath,' 'Suicidal, emo, cutter.' I never, ever let people calling me names get to me, but somehow this did. It was all true, my parents do prefer her, and I am a gay psychopath, worst of all I am suicidal and I do cut and it's an embarrassment, she used it against me.

I threw myself onto the bed clutching the bed covers tightly, the last thing I wanted to do was cry, crying is weak and it make you feel ill. Most importantly I couldn't do anything stupid, no blades or knives to the skin, no overdoses on pills, no rope around the neck, no anything. After all if I did any of that, I would only be letting her win prove that she was right all I was.

The next thought that ran through my head was to go back to the pub, drink myself blind again I forgot everything it certainly numbed all emotion. But I couldn't do that, I promised Gerard I wouldn't. My eyes began to water as I thought of all the other things I promised people, most importantly her. Beginning to cry properly I tried to think of anything I could do to cope to stop myself over thinking this. I had no options, I didn't want to break anymore promises, no way, I had promised Gerard I wouldn't cut, I wouldn't hurt myself, I would get pissed and that I would ring him if I ever felt...

I promised I would call him, so I guess that was all I could do, no, nope I'm not doing that. But maybe I should I mean otherwise I will eventually end up breaking a promise, and I suppose I would be if I didn't ring him.

With tears still running down my face, I reached onto my desk for my phone, fumbling with the keys to find his contact. I rested my thumb on the call button, but it took me several attempts to actually press it. Even after actually pressing it I hung up twice my breath shaky and tears cascading down my face, I let it ring the third time and he picked up on the fourth ring. I was really reaching out for help, at long last I was grabbing the life ring I was being thrown, who knows it might even be for the best.

"Frank?" He answered sounding a little worried and surprised, I glanced at my watch only 10:30.

"I-I'm s-sorry." I replied almost a whisper, my breath was shaky and I'm surprised he understood me. "I-I pro-promised you I-I didn't want t-to break it."

"Frank, Frank what's wrong? What did you promise? Are you crying?" He bombarded me with questions.

"I-I promised t-to call you, b-but I did s-so I'm g-gonna go." I was almost choking on my tears, I shouldn't be ringing him, it has nothing to do with him and I shouldn't be ruining his evening with my problems.

"No! No, don't hang up, please don't Frankie. I'm glad you rang I really am." He let out a long breath probably relieved I didn't hang up. "What's happened Frank?"

"I-I'm a h-horrible per-person."

"No, no you're not Frankie, why on earth would you think that?"

My speech became pretty inaudible as I continued to try to sniff away my tears, the only audible words from my reply being, "....threatened...cut...cousin...knife."

"You, you didn't did you Frank?" He asked breathing heavily, voice slow and wary.

"No! N-ne-never. M-my Fa-family h-hate m-m-me." I cried, I was probably overreacting, but knowing that you're such an asshole to your own family, that you really are a suicidal psychopath, and that your parents prefer your cousin makes it hard not to bawl your eyes out. "...Psycho-psychopath."