Behind Closed Doors - Demi Lovato / Lauren Jauregui / You

Chapter 19

With tour finally over, brought another album finished. Tour life whizzes by in a flash that everything aside from tour and music, feels like a blur. Something unknown or strange that you just can not make out.
And that's how things were like at home.

Arriving home was something that I was not looking forward to. Anxiety, nerves, fear drove through my veins. What would I be coming home to? Would I feel like a stranger in my own home? Does my mom have a new boyfriend? These were the questions that had riddled me. Questions that I was not going to get an answer to until I came home and faced them myself. To which brings me sitting in the car, pulling up to my grandma's house.

Getting out, Phil grabbed my bags and we headed into the house.
" HI HONEY!" yelled my grandma, pulling me into a huge embrace for what felt like a lifetime.
Wrapping my hands around her, I sighed with relief. This was a warm welcoming. A welcoming that I was unsure of having not been in contact with any other family members aside from my grandma during the months of tour.

" I have missed you SO much. You know that right?" She smiled, pulling at my cheeks.

" Yeah right" , I smiled back, glancing around the hall to see if I could make out if anyone was home.

" Phil, could you leave those bags up in the spare bedroom please and come down and I'll get you some cold lemonade." My grandma asked, taking me by the elbow and into the kitchen.

Sitting me down onto the kitchen stool, she walked to the fridge.
" Alright, so I wanna know all the details. Every single minute detail and start from the beginning. Your work can wait for a day or two. You gotta relax at home before you go again."

Putting the glass of lemonade in front of me, she sat opposite me with her hands tucked under her chin.

Laughing, I smiled at her.
My grandma was a mother to me when my mom could not be.

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Unpacking my suitcase from tour or from vacations was a horrible chore to do. I hated it. But doing it in a room that wasn't your own, was not a vibe.
I was to stay at my grandma's until the storm of my troubled life at home was to tide over. However, this was not strange territory for me. I had stayed at my grandma's more times than I had at my own home due to touring, my mom at rehab amongst other reasons. A safe haven is what it reminded me of and was more of a home than any other.

I had yet to have seen anyone else at home aside from my grandpa Eddie. Everyone else seemed to have cleared off for the day. Or from me.
Was I the reason for all of this mess? Am I the reason that my mom is a mess?
Sighing, I lay back onto the pile of dirty laundry. This wasn't how I intended my first day back from tour would turn out to be. But it was far from over.

A knock on the door disrupted my thoughts.
" Hey sweet cheeks," my grandma said softly, as she stood over me.
" So your mom, Maddie and Dallas are coming back soon . I just wanted to let you know incase you were wondering why it's so quiet. Just be careful alright and we will play it by ear on where to go from here. She's going through a lot, especially with the breakup. It's an unknown ground for her and it's scary for her to feel alone ." She admitted gently, combing her hands through my hair.

" Yeah, but that's the thing." I sighed, as I stood up.
" She isn't alone. We are all here with her. We have been through this before. Why can't she see that?" I said, frustation clear through my tone.
" We go round and round like circles, afraid to step on her toes or say something that will unleash a trigger for her." I admitted, anger filled with worry spewing from my lips.
" I want to help her. Why can't she let me help her? Am I that toxic to be around? I know her better than anyone else in the world so why am I the last person she always wants to see?"
Question after question that I had kept in my mind and thoughts for the past few months suddenly were released and heard into reality.