A carriage ride trough Willingden

intensity of feelings

As Charlotte watched Georgiana as she slowly slipped into a well-earned sleep, her thoughts gushed over the events of the previous night. The sheer fear for Georgiana's well-being gave her a strength that surpassed anything she had ever felt in a crisis situation. Her thoughts were clear and ordered. She could calm Sidney, who almost beat Otis, with a single glance, from fear and frustration. That his ward was in this horrible situation because of him. And this guy had truly claimed to love Georgiana. Charlotte felt stupid for ever beliving him.

But all these feelings, which she had not known until then, came back up inside her. The small nagging pain of jealousy when she learned in this "boarding house" that Sidney had been a guest there before and had paid for "love". Even though she didn't really know what was going on behind the doors, she knew that men did. She had often heard the term "indoor sports", especially in the hotel in Sanditon but also in the small inn in Willingden, when she picked up the mail and watched how the ladies left their work and accompanied the gentleman to his room. She was curious to find out exactly what Sidney had done there and why. His guilty look and the temporary loss of his language showed her a completely different side of him. He seemed exposed and embarrassed. He was ashamed and could barely stand her gaze until he blurred out "erm...later... I'll explain, if you really must know."

But the worst feeling was the all-pervading fear of losing him as he jumped from the speeding carriage onto the carriage of Georgiana's captors. In the blink of an eye, horrible scenarios penetrated her thoughts about what could have happened. If only he had made the slightest misstep! When he jumped off the coach box, her heart stopped for exactly this one beat until he landed safely on the other side and made the coach stop.

She would have loved to throw herself into his arms, but she suppressed this feeling and ran to Georgiana when he had freed her from the monster's clutches. Of course Georgiana needed her now, and she also needed the certainty of being able to hold her friend safely in her arms again. A penetrating look between them had to suffice for the time being, while the journey back to London was a silent one. Georgiana tried to stay strong, but could not help but fall asleep at some point when the events of the last few days took their toll.

Georgiana's calm breathing now in her bed in Bedfrod Place convinced Charlotte that she was fast asleep and this gave her the opportunity to leave the room. She desperately needed a tiny moment alone with him. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her and hear his heart beating. Feel that he was there. The fear she had felt for him penetrated her again, she had to feel him alive and tell him what she had felt. Charlotte never wanted to be separated from him again. She had to tell him that she felt the same as he did. That the need to marry him immediately and that to be close to him in every possible way was vital. When she heard him talking to Tom downstairs, she literally flew down the stairs.

Sidney was physically hurt not to be able to hold Charlotte in his arms, but he didn't want to show their love in front of a heartbroken Georgiana. After leaving the two ladies in the room, he went to Tom to briefly tell him what had happened. And although it was probably the biggest drama their family had ever experienced, Tom managed to talk about his much worse problems right away. Sidney reassured his brother by assuring him to pay for the workers.

"...and because of Mary, you must try everything to make her happy."

"Very wise brother!" giggled Tom, "it almost sounds like you know what you're talking about..."

"I hope I do, Tom."

"Oh, yeah? Who..."

"Charlotte!" he exclaimed and shocked not only his brother but also himself with the intensity with which he said her name.