Kill This Love [MeanPlan - COMPLETE]

You Look Crazy, Thank You Baby

Why are you ignoring my calls?

Plan was beginning to worry about his own state of mind. His existence had become compartmentalised into two fractions. Time spent with Mean and well, the rest. The more nights they had spent together, the harder it got to leave Mean's flat once they were finished. He was well aware that he wouldn't get to see him again soon enough. Life was now a waiting game, a ticking time bomb with the countdown on reset. He would struggle to sleep once he finally fell into his own bed at some point after midnight. The space felt empty. He told himself it was because he hated the dark.

For the first time in his life, he'd been having quite a lot of sex. Even if it wasn't as regular as he wanted, he often found himself wondering whether he had an actual problem. He obsessed over when their next rendezvous was going to be, endlessly flicking through Mean's instagram and buying sweets that he knew he liked so the younger could taste them on him when they were kissing. He kept a constant eye on his phone, impatiently waiting for a flashing blue light to inform him that the giraffe boy had messaged. Most of the time he gave up and sent the first text himself. He knew that Mean would rib him for being impossible to satisfy but he'd stopped caring. If he was persuasive enough, Mean would eventually give in. He had done every single time.

Plan was never quite sure which Mean he was going to get when he rapped eager knuckles against his front door. Most of the time, he was gentle. In charge yet soft all at once. He would check to see if Plan was okay, stretch him out slowly so he wouldn't even wince when he first pushed into him. He whispered pretty things that Plan tried to block out. Too sweet, blatant breaches of Rule 1 that he would punish by not letting Mean coddle him afterwards.

On the odd glorious occasion, he was rough. Plan would know he was doomed the second he laid eyes on him. His sharp jaw would be tense and his eyebrows knitted together on a frown. Those nights were his favourites. He would let Mean take charge, boss him around and manoeuvre him into any position the younger saw fit. There hadn't been a single thing he'd said no to. He found it impossible to deny him when he had that look in his eyes. There was something thrilling about the feeling, about being right on the edge. Nights like those always seemed to occur when it had been a while, when he needed them the most.

Plan had stuck to his guns and still hadn't touched Mean below the waist. When he was feeling extra generous, he would trail fingertips across his abs or kiss across his shoulders. He was starting to think about it, especially in the heat of the moment. He had to fight urges to reach down and take hold of Mean's dick when they were making out on his sofa. It wasn't so much the act he was curious about, but Mean's reaction. He wanted to see the look on his face. Luckily, he'd managed to control the impulses and was usually glad he had done afterwards. Whenever he thought his shaky willpower was about to betray him, he'd press closer and run hands through his hair or get the younger to pin his wrists.

They had done pretty well keeping things secret, Plan had to admit. Almost too well. At fan-meets Mean maintained the perfect level of flirty with both him and, it seemed, everyone else. Plan knew it was just to prevent blowing their cover but he found it hard to swallow when Mean wrapped arms around the waists of pretty girls as he posed for photos. Even when they had been hanging out with just the boys, having justified their disappearance from Mark's birthday with a carefully planned story about Mean being so drunk Plan had to take him home, Mean offered him nothing but brotherly friendliness. The elder had reluctantly conceded that he was the better actor.

For the last two weeks, life had got in the way. Mean's schedule was always so busy and whilst he had enough commitments of his own, Plan still found himself sulking when Mean went silent. He'd been tied up with some project, socialising with a lot of people Plan had only heard about through the grapevine. He did his best to suppress feelings of nausea every time photos of Mean and his co-workers spread across social media like wildfire whilst the younger wasn't returning his calls. He'd put his phone on do not disturb, fed up of watching it.