Kill This Love [MeanPlan - COMPLETE]

Let's Have a Kiki

Plan had to fight every physical urge to force the word from his lips.

It was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. The look in Mean's puffy eyes had been serious, wanting. Desperate. Plan could tell he meant it as he searched his gaze. The word itself had come from a rational part of his brain. A subconscious part beyond his control. The elders grip on Mean's collar had loosened in efforts to release the tension between them.

The word had been spoken then.

Plan thought about how much he wanted it. To have him, just once. To take him apart piece by piece the way Mean always did to him. The problem was that the Mean in front of him wasn't the Mean he knew. This boy was already fragmented, splintered like pressured glass. In those deciding moments, lust and desires and primal needs were overwhelmed by something far more complex. Emotions that he didn't have a handle on. He wanted Mean whole before he broke him.

That was why he'd said the word.

It came from a place of fondness but he hadn't successfully conveyed that. His tone had been wrong, whispered and full of guilt. He saw the hope leave Mean's expression. They way his eyes grew cold and lifeless as though he was bleeding out. There was so much more that he wanted to say, more important priorities.

I need you calm.
I need you better.
I need you to say that to me with a clear head.
I need you free.

Instead, his voice only found the one word.

Mean hadn't argued. His head fell back softly against the wall as he sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He took a few moments, pulled himself together before he offered the elder a small nod and a weak smile. A smile that knifed the beating organ in Plan's chest. Mean lightly placed his hands over his, pulling them away. Plan sought to entwine their fingers but the younger's remained slack. In silence, he crossed the room to zip up his perfectly packed suitcase. Plan did try.

"Mean, come on. Stay and talk to me. Please!"

Plan's bottom lip wobbled as he called to the back Mean had turned on him.

"Mean, please!"

For the second time that day, Mean walked away from him without looking back. The only difference was that this time, Plan chose to let him go.

It took less than twenty-four hours for Plan to realise that he'd made the biggest mistake of his life in Korea.

The word had been no.

*

Unluckily for Mean, Plan knew he was going to have to see him again in precisely three days. It was this knowledge that was making him angry because Mean had gone awol, a ghost even in the group chat.

Plan had no clue where he stood. Was Mean upset? Was he mad? Did he still have a boyfriend? Did he even still have a best friend? Mean wasn't arriving back in Thailand until the night before their next event which denied Plan the option of kicking his front door down to sort this out. In Mean's absence, Plan had become an expert in surveillance culture. Aware that he was only one step from becoming a stalker as he scrolled through Mean's silent Twitter feed for the tenth time that hour, he grabbed his car keys and headed for some advice.

Sitting at the wheel, he debated where to turn. Perth maybe? He could certainly provide a distraction in the form of a solid Fifa opponent. There was still Prim of course. She was the only person who knew the truth in its most basic form and it wouldn't be the first time she'd worked out his feelings for him.

Suddenly an idea sparked, realising that perhaps he needed to speak to the one person aside from him who'd been able to get close to Mean. Someone who knew him almost as well as he did. He should be home by now.