I have a special skill that can make me feel constantly alone even though I am surrounded by people and no matter what I do or say or what anyone else does or says. I always seem to feel alone. Like a tree growing in the desert, growing alone, feeling out of place, struggling to hold on and to keep the pieces of my life together, to keep my leaves from falling.
Still growing despite the lack of resources and necessities needed for that tree to survive and live. It still does not matter what its against, it still pushes forward. It still lives even when it seems everyone and everything is against it, telling it not to it continues for a reason unknown to all but itself.
Left alone where it does not seem to belong, alone where it should not be. As I feel as if I am living in a barren place where I should not be. I feel as if I am living in a foreign country, continent or planet. Like a person being held in solitary confinement, I am alone and slowly maddening. I am alone, excluded from outside activities and social events.
For I don't understand exclusion.
What is the point of exclusion, of making someone feel unwanted, left out, or causing them to think less of themselves? I mean what is the point of trying to rule over others if they are not even there to rule over. If you have decided to exclude them first because you decided they are not 'good enough'.
I mean even if they are there just doesn't mean they are there. For even if someone is here physically, does not mean that they are their emotionally or mentally. It is as if you are daydreaming. You may be here physically but your mind or even your soul or spirit is somewhere else entirely different from where the body is. You feel as though you're here, but yet your not. Your close yet so very far away at the same time.
Quiet, I find I am finding it, as I feel all by myself, all alone.
Even in a class of 25 I still manage to feel alone, I still manage to be as alone as ever. I continuously feel as if I am alone, In a hallway of people, a place bursting with life or a city that never sleeps, I'm still alone. Because no matter how many people are around me I still manage to feel as though I am alone. Alone in a world full of people
Alone and left to feel Excluded, Unwanted, Alone ... in this World that never seems to sleep.
A World where I feel alone no matter how many people I surround myself with.
I am Forever Excluded,
Forever Unwanted,
Forever Alone in a World that never seems to Sleep,
Alone in a World Full of People.
Authors Note
I found this chapter and quickly typed it up and edited it. I am sorry if the idea jumps around a bit. I wrote this a while ago and as I was editing it I think I may not make much sense but anyway. I hope you liked it and I hope you are all staying safe and well.
First Published on the 28th of 2020
Last updated on the 26th of December 2020
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