Turning the tides of war

Percy Jackson (Bucky)

Percy

TRIGGER WARNING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND SELF HARM I WILL PUT ..... AT THE BEGINNING AND END PLEASE SKIP THE PARTS IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU.

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To say I'm jealous of Peggy Carter is an understatement. Steve is drooling all over her and I wish he would look at me like he looks at her. I mean we hang out occasionally but he spends the entire time talking about Peggy. I've started to resent the poor woman. She has done nothing to me but still I hate her.

"We need to time this just right if you miss your signal well you already know." Crap I missed all of what Steve was saying because I was distracted. Something about zip lining on to a moving train. Couldn't be any worse than riding festus. Steve goes first seconds later I'm motioned to jump. This is actually really fun if I wasn't speeding towards a battle. Steve lands moments before me. I hit the top of the train running. I follow Steve into the train. A door closes between us blocking me from joining him. A few guys attack me and I fight them off easily and force the door open. Steve is fighting a rather large robot and things spiral down hill quickly. One minute we are fighting like a well oiled machine, the next the side of the train is blown open and I'm hanging by my fingertips. Steve is trying to reach me before I fall but I'm just too far. My hands slip.

I hit ice cold water and that is probably the only reason I survived the fall. Sadly I'm not grateful. I am in the depth of Hydra territory and there is no say as to what will happen. My best bet would have been to die. Because then at least the last thing I would have seen were those beautiful blue eyes. The eyes I have begun to associate with Elysium. The eyes I call home. Cause when he puts his arms around me I am home. Now if they find me I will be weak and out numbered and probably tortured again.

.....

Maybe I should just end it right here no one would know. I'm here all alone. Steve would think it was due to the fall. No one would ever need to look for me. I wouldn't be hurt again. It would be so much better than trying to carry on.

Hot tears well in my eyes. I'm moving out of the water holding a riptide in my hand ready for it to be over. Ready to not be jealous anymore that Steve is happy. Ready to let go of the pain of hiding. Ready to just be free. I climb out of the water completely dry. I drag riptide across the inside of my wrist. Red gushes out into the snow around me. I become very light headed very quickly. I grab my sword in my other hand and quickly do the same to my other wrist. Within seconds my vision is dark and I think I have seceded.

.....

The next time I would wake up as me Perseus Jackson aka James Buchanan Barns would not be for over 80 years.