Tuck Sinn

6

Two days later, during the break between classes, Tom went up to Becky.

Amy had been taking up his mind for the past few days. Every second he spent with Becky, he watched her hands. Watched her face. Watched her eyes for any notice that she knew.

But today, Amy left his mind once he saw Becky in the rising sun's air. Once he walked up to her, seeing that she was talking with some other girls from their class, he felt alright.

"Hi, Becky." He grinned at her the same as he did every time. He watched for any twitch, any notice of things being different. She glanced over at him, and then a pained, annoyed expression crossed into her face. Her eyebrows knitted, her eyes squinted, and she sighed, getting up. At this, Tom's stomach turned. Amy came back to his mind. Something had happened.

"See you, girls." Becky looked and smiled back at them. When she started walking towards Tom, the smile dropped to a tired, finished look. Her eyes held a sharpness. And he felt that pit from two days ago come back. The pit he got from talking with Amy.
That feeling of being trapped, of everything being set into something awful, was there. It felt like it had when Amy leaned in. He couldn't think on anything else but the fact that she already kissed him. It couldn't be taken back.
Something wasn't right. Tom took a breath.

"Let's talk." Becky said. Tom looked in her angry eyes and his stomach turned. He worriedly followed after her quick steps towards the tree in the courtyard. He saw it was empty over there, and that made the waves in his stomach turn harsher.

"What's going on?" Tom asked, and she just shook her head. Even with his long legs, Becky was storming off too fast for him.

The seconds were slow, with Tom trailing after her, hoping she would slow down, hoping her anger faded before they started talking, hoping she didn't know what had happened.

She stopped abruptly under the shade of the tree, turning sharply towards him.

"I heard that you and Amy hung out alone yesterday?" She asked.

"Yeah?" Tom asked. A weight in his stomach. In his heart. A darkness, a heat in his vision. Becky leaned her head in, an annoyed look coming after his half-answer, wanting more. "Yeah, we did." His throat was dry, but it hadn't come across in his voice just yet.

"Okay. And I talked to Amy about it. She said you two..." She closed her eyes for a moment, her hands clenching the bottom hem of her skirt, crumpling the soft, vibrant fabric. She exhaled in a scoff. "...had a 'real heart to heart'--What does that mean?—" She was baring her teeth in her words. Was showing fire in the way she looked at him. "And then that I had 'nothing to worry about.'" She said.

Tom swallowed air. He kept his eyes wide open, kept trying to see how much she knew. Trying to hide his expressions and keep himself still so she wouldn't get madder. She smoothed down her dress. "But that made it sound like I had something to worry about." She said.
"What?"
Becky rolled her eyes, sighing angrily. He couldn't think. "Did something happen between you two? Because Amy... She said," Becky breathed out with an angered sigh, looking to the side. He couldn't believe this was happening.

Tom tried taking her hand, but she pulled it away sharply. She stared at him with her wide harsh glaring eyes, and he felt a shadow in his soul. Her hands smoothed and crumpled her dress' edges. "She said you two kissed?" She looked away for a second. Then regained herself and looked again, hardly a movement in her body. The words, once he captured them and could think, made Tom close his eyes, wishing the image away. Wishing the feeling away, wishing the kiss never had happened. That mix of cloudiness, of smoke like the steamboats, overtook him.

"No, I... We--"

"So you didn't." Becky said. Tom couldn't tell if it was a calm anger in her voice or if it was relief. He looked at her eyes. He still couldn't tell. She was so angry.

"She kissed me."

"Wow." She shook her head, staring at him with such a focus, and a bitter, hateful smile came to her face. Her hair curls swirled around her face like that day they watched the sunset. That was just a few days ago. How could it change? "Wow, Tom." He heard a break in her voice.

"And-- and right after, I told her I don't like her at all. That it's only you, Becky. For me."

"Yes, of course. Of course you did." Becky said. A pause. Anger pulling off of her. She shook her head again and a squint came to her eyes, her nose, and her eyebrows came down incredulously. This wasn't good. Tom could feel her pulling away, could feel her anger pushing into him, pushing him apart from her.

"When were you going to tell me?" She asked. Shook her head. "Actually, you probably weren't." She said. Tom opened his mouth, but she glared at him, and he saw the tears in her eyes, and he couldn't get a breath. "Why did you even stay with her after?" Her hands still messed with her dress. The air was too loud around them. He wished he hadn't. He wished he never gave her a chance to kiss him. He wished he said no and just went home. But he couldn't have known.

Her voice continued without waiting. "Would you have, if I had gone with you?"

"I don't think she would've asked if you did..." He said quietly. He saw the shine in her eyes. Like when they were at the sunset, but different. Darker, thicker, more reflective. He had to save this. Every word made it worse.

"But Becky, it's not your fault. It's mine, it's hers--" The bell started ringing.

"I know." Fire was spitting off her voice. Becky was so still and condensed and furious. Of course it wasn't her fault. Saying that made it worse. Saying anything made it worse. "I have to go to class, Tom." Becky said, her hands coming up to wipe at her eyes.

She started moving with quick, quiet, small steps and stumbles. Tom followed with her, and she turned abruptly, her dress whipping, her hands clenched tightly. "Don't walk with me." She said, glaring widely, and Tom could see that devastated look in her eyes. "I need to think." Becky said harshly, quietly, and turned again, walking to the next class.

The pit, the weight, in Tom was too much. He felt like the sun was baring down on him. Like the sky was swallowed in his throat, making him choke and wait and stay as if something better would happen. As if he could fix this. He stood there in the courtyard as she continued; as their friends walked past him; as the rest of the school went to class.

He eventually went in, too.