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I've been staring at the ceiling for the longest since I woke up this morning. I didn't feel like processing anything, infact I just wanted to block out the universe and be light for the day.
It was my birthday and ironically I was dreading this day instead of cherishing it.
My phone kept going off from calls to notifications and as much as I was grateful for the love, my spirit was too low to process happiness right now.
"Where's my birthday baby." I smiled hearing Cammy enter my room, she gave me a sense of happiness these days cos she always managed to uplift my spirits.
"Right here." I said pouting as she came over to hug me.
"Happy birthday baby, you know I love you right?" She asked giving me a much needed hug and I honestly did begin to feel better.
" I know and thank you best, I'm just not as happy as I should be and I hate feeling like this." I said looking down at my ombre nails, trying not to cry.
"You gonna see him today?" Cammy asked and I nodded.
"Good, I made you breakfast I know that always makes you feel better." She added as she now went over to open my curtains cos I barely let the light in my room.
"Thank you I'll come out in a minute." I said forcing a smile.
"I'll come get you if you're not in that kitchen in a minute Vee." I laughed but I knew she was being serious.
I grabbed my phone after she walked out and finally replied to all the birthday wishes I received. In the process convincing everyone that I didn't wanna do anything, so they settled for gifts.
I smiled as I got out of bed feeling like I finally had control over this day,but my smile dropped just as quickly.
He forgot. I thought as I stood there feeling sad and stupid all at once.
For the past couple of months Devon has been doing all he can to try and get back with me. He called me everyday, constantly checked up on me, brought me lunch at school and even offered to take me on trips to clear my mind but I rejected all of it and completely pushed him away.
I told him I needed space and I guess he was giving it to me but here I was feeling sad that he didn't acknowledge my birthday.
I'm a mess. I thought to myself as I walked into the kitchen, everything smelled so good.
Knowing me, I could be depressed and still eat like a pregnant woman. So I filled my plate with everything and started humming as I stuffed my mouth.
