Begin Again

Chapter 18

Song: Hard Feelings/Loveless - Lorde
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Me and Blake were sitting next to each other quietly on the bench where I previously sat alone. Both of us staring straight ahead at the moon and the stars. The sleeping bag he was holding before was now placed beside his shoes on the ground.

His words 'I don't have a home' still echoed in my ears but I didn't question him about it. I wanted him to tell me only if he wanted to himself, not because I pressured him.

"Ask" he muttered from beside me.

I turned to look at him slightly, he had closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back on the bench.

"I know you are dying to ask. So just as ask away" he said again, opening his eyes and looking at me.

"I am not dying to ask" I corrected him.

He gave me a smirk, a loop sided smile as he continued to look at me.

"You don't have a home?" I finally asked. Repeating the words I heard him say a while ago.

He shook his head no.

"You homeless?" I said carefully, not wanting to hurt his feelings in any way.

"Yes" he replied sitting up straight.

I stayed quite for a few minutes before talking again.

"For how long?"

He took in a deep breath, like he was preparing what to say next.

"For about two years now"

My eyes widened as I stared at him.

"I'm sorry" I said lightly. Not knowing what else to say. He just merrily shrugged his shoulders.

He was homeless for two years. That is a long time. I couldn't even imagine the pain and hardships he must have gone through in the last two years.

I side glanced him and realized that it was true, we can never really know about a person, who they are and what they are going through. When I met Blake for the first time I could have never imagined that he was going through all this. That when he left the office in the evening he had nowhere to go.

"Stop pitying me" came his stern voice pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I...I wasn't-"

"Yes you were, everyone does" he said.

His eyes held sadness in them. It was the first time I had seen Blake like this, displaying such raw emotions. He was always playful or sarcastic. I didn't know underneath the cover was a man surrounded by problems.

I shook my head to get rid of these thoughts. I don't want to pity him.

"So you have been sleeping in the park for tha last two year?" I asked.

"No, I stayed with a family member for a year. They kicked me out, I'm not exactly a great person to live with. Then I stayed with a few friends of mine for a while. Shifting from one place to the other before people ask me to leave myself. I have been on the streets for four months now."

I was relieved to hear that he wasn't living on the streets for the past two years but it pained me alot that he had to go through all that.

I looked over at him, about to ask a question, I wanted to know where his parents were and how he got homeless. But then I stopped myself. He had already told me enough and even if I had a hundred more questions to ask I shouldn't throw them at him like that. We weren't friends and I didn't want him to remember the misery he felt in the last two years.