My Paradise

Cat & mouse

No matter how many times I bathed, no matter how hard I scrubbed, I couldn't get rid of the feeling that I was now dirty, tainted, contaminated.

When I wasn't in the water, scrubbing my skin raw, I was in my room crying myself sick.

I felt so violated, not by Wyatt, but by myself.

He gave me so many chances to stop, and not once did I stop him. All I said was 'this is wrong', but I still continued.

I had switched my phone off, avoiding any texts and calls that would come through, especially Wyatt's. For the whole weekend, my phone had been off.

When Monday came, I couldn't stay in my room and wallow in my self pity by myself anymore. I had to go to school and I was dreading it so much.

"Are you okay?" Jody asked me as she hugged me. I tried not to hug her tight as if I was afraid something might happen if she let go.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked, rubbing my eye.

"You look like shit. What happened?"

I gave a small giggle and shrugged. "Nothing. I'm fine."

She looked at me skeptically, looking me up and down, "You sure?"

"Yes, Jody. I'm sure, I'm fine."

"Why didn't you answer any of my texts?" Lissa asked me with a pout and I sighed.

"I'm sorry, I was just very busy."

"Not even to simply look at my messages? I'm sure what you were doing didn't take every second of your time."

"I'm sorry." I said, my voice almost disappearing.

"Hey, what's up?" She asked, finally noticing my behaviour.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I felt eyes burning into the back of my head, so I turned to see who it was.

I should've known better.

I was just another girl in the background, but now, he had noticed me, and hasn't stopped noticing me ever since.

That day was no different.

When I had turned to look at whoever was staring at me, I locked eyes with him.

With Wyatt.

He gave me a soft smile, a dimple popping out in the process. I licked my dry lips and turned back to the girls in front of me.

"I-I'm going to class now." I said softly, my voice barely audible and made my way to class before they could ask anymore questions.

That was just the first day. Me avoiding Wyatt as much as possible, I even ended up avoiding my own friends to make sure I wasn't around the guy.

I know what happened wasn't his fault, but I didn't exactly feel comfortable around him. For some reason, I felt like when he looked at me, he had intentions... Not necessarily good, no.

His brown eyes pierced into me long enough for me to feel them from across the room.

What did he want from me? Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

Eventually, I guess he got tired of the little "cat & mouse" thing that was going on and cornered me by the girls bathroom.

He literally came out of nowhere and scared the shit out of me.

"What the hell?!" I said when I bumped into his chest. I looked up at him and unconsciously cowered back when I noticed who was standing in front of me.

"W-what do you want?" I asked, my voice going way lower than before.

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked, genuine confusion in his voice and sadness in his eyes.

He was doing it again, that thing his eyes did when we first met. His eyes looked so big and puppy like, making him look vulnerable.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying not to sound as shaken up as I really was.

"You keep avoiding me, and every time you look at me, there's something there, like fear or regret or... I don't know, maybe even both.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I looked at the floor while rubbing my arm.

He hooked his index finger under my chin - just like that day - and lifted my face so that I was looking right into his eyes.

"Look at me then." He said softly, but authoritatively at the same time. "Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm being delusional." He demanded, but I couldn't.

My eyes watered and I looked to the floor as a couple of tears escaped.

I wasn't much of a crier before I met him, the only tears that came easily to me wear tears of laughter - literally. This was new to me, and I didn't like it.

I didn't like the fact that I was always leaking from my eyes, or that I had wiped my cheeks so much, they now felt raw, or the raging headaches that came with the tears.

I felt his arms wrap around me and I tensed, but he didn't back away until I relaxed in his hold.

He held me close to him, my head buried in his chest, making me breath his scent in, strong but not overwhelming almost intoxicating.

"Please tell me what I did wrong so that I can fix it." He whispered desparately into my ear.

"It's... It's not you." I whimpered into his jersey and he hugged me tighter, lightly patting my hair.

"Don't-don't do that? 'It's not you, it's me.' You really think I'm gonna believe that?" He put his hands on my shoulders to look at me properly.

"But it's true." I said, chocking on the sob I had been trying to hold in. "I swear. Whatever's happening is not your fault."

"Okay... I won't push you to talk." He dried my eyes gently then pulled me back into the hug. "Just know that, what happened between us wasn't a 'hit and run', I promise." I giggled a bit at the reference he chose, and suddenly, my arms found themselves around his waist, hugging him back.

"You can tell me anything. I'll be there for you, no matter what." He kissed the top of my head.

"You don't even know me." I said into his chest.

"No, you don't know me. I know all I need to know about you."

I looked up at him, making a face at him and he chuckled lightly, rubbing my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. "Again, not how it sounds." I smiled and he leaned down, kissing me on my forehead.

"Go wash your face, then I'll take you to class." He instructed and I did as told.

I had decided to trust him then. I decided to put my faith in him until there was no more faith to put in.