My Paradise

I curse him

Years of enduring brutal abuse and being in and out of the hospital finally took its toll on my body.

There was a time when the beatings just miraculously stopped and I could breath for a bit.

But of course, there was a catch.

"Hey, Les." Wyatt asked as he wrapped an arm over my waist from behind me, under the blanket.

I tensed at the action but didn't move. "Hmm?" I said instead.

"I think it's time we tried for a baby, don't you?" He said lowly, kissing my shoulder.

"Ar-are you sure? Isn't it too soon?" I asked, trying not to make it obvious that I was a bit terrified.

I was already living a life in hell, I couldn't possibly dare to think of bringing a child into such a hostile environment.

"Nah. I think we've waited long enough." He turned me so that I was laying flat on my back and kissed me hungrily.

When the disgust from my brain had finally registered in my body, I pushed him off of me and stood on my feet, slowly backing away from the bed.

"What's wrong?" He asked, genuinely confused with those vulnerable puppy eyes that I used to find heartbreaking, but now... Now I found them lethal.

"Morning breath." I squeaked out and rushed to the bathroom not waiting to see his reaction.

"Since when has that been a problem?" He asked from the bedroom and I ignored him as I brushed my teeth.

Off course, in the end, there was no escaping it. He had thrown out all of my pills and forbade me from ever going to my Docter unless it was to check for a child.

We tried, every time he was free and had it in him, he was on top of me.

I didn't enjoy sex anymore. Before, it was pretty much the only thing I enjoyed because, at least I had control over that...

... But now it was just a project to get fat.

I didn't participate any more, just layed there and let him do what he wanted until he tired himself out.

I don't know if he really didn't notice my lack of interest or just didn't care.

At least while we tried, he didn't once raise his hand to me and treated me like he actually loved me.

Most of the times anyways.

Other times he just pretended I wasn't there, and I think it was better that way.

★~★~★

I visited my mom in the hospital, she had suffered a mini stroke not long before.

"Hey mom." I said with a genuine smile. Even though I had all the free time in the world, I didn't really get much chance to go and see her.

"So you finally decided to come see how you're ol' mom is doing, huh?" She said half jokingly.

I smiled as I sat down on the chair next to her bed. "Sorry. It's just been hectic."

"How are you doing though?"

"Could be worse." I said with a shrug.

She had found out about the abuse a few months before, that's why Wyatt forbade me from seeing her. He only allowed me at that time because she was bed ridden and couldn't do much about the situation.

She touched my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning into her soft hand as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

"I don't see any bruises." She finally said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. He stopped... For now." I mumbled and she frowned.

"What's going on, Lesley?"

"He wants a baby." I said as I took her hand from my face and played with her fingers.

"And you? Do you want a baby?"

I shrugged a bit, tears sliding down my cheeks and I didn't even bother to wipe them away. "Does it matter?" I choked out with a sob and she sat up and hugged me close. "I don't want to bring a child into a life like this... A life like mine. I don't want it to only know pain and abuse... But it's not like I have much of a choice, do I?" I said between sobs and she hugged me tighter, rocking our bodies back and forth.

★~★~★

After months and months of trying for that baby and peeing on a hundred sticks and getting zero results, Wyatt started to get infuriated, so he took me to my gynaecologist.

I've got good news and bad news...

Which one do you want to hear first?

Okay, I'll pick.

Bad news...

Bad news: I couldn't have babies anymore. I was infertile.

And now, for the good news...

Good news: I... What? I'm... I'll never be a mother? I'll never get to be pregnant again?

I'll never be able to hold a new born babe in my arms ever.

I had done that once before and God had decided that it was enough.

My heart was so broken that there honestly was no point to living anymore.

At least now I didn't have to bring a life into such an unforgiving world.

Technically, I had managed to prevent an innocent soul from being sucked into a fate much worse than death itself.

I cursed the day I met Wyatt Scott King.

I cursed his ancestors before him.

I cursed his loins.

I cursed his entire existence, from the day he was born till the day he died.

He did this to me and he deserved no peace.

I cursed him with all my might.

I will never forgive him for what he did to me.

I will never forgive him for approaching me that day, for dumping that water on me, for buying me those books, for leaving me his fucking number, for answering the damn phone, for hypnotizing me, for taking my innocence, for fathering my fucking child, for cornering me at the bathroom, for pretending to love me, for making me love him, for abusing me...

I will never forgive him for taking my right to be a mother away from me...

For killing me...