Forty-six

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46.

I made Xavier take a bath first when morning came. He already knows how to clean himself, tinatawag niya lamang ako kapag tapos na siyang magsabon at magshampoo para ako ang magbanlaw sa kanya.

He actually wants to do it on his own, but I didn't allow. Hindi kasi niya nababanlawan ang sarili ng ayos, there's still shampoo on his hair sometimes. Tsaka para na rin makita ko kung inayos niya ba ang pagsasabon sa sarili bago siya tuluyang makalabas ng banyo.

Every time I'm helping him with his bath, we always have fun like splashing water to each other or blowing bubbles using our hands, making us end up laughing like there's no tomorrow.

But now, he didn't utter anything. He's not talking to me, tinawag niya lang talaga ako para banlawan siya. I know he's still upset, but I know we'll be okay again eventually. I'll just give him time to cool down first. I don't want to open up about Elijah again because it might make him burst in tears again and I don't want that.

Last night, he fell asleep crying and murmuring he wants a different father, my only response to calm him is to hug him tight until we both get to sleep. I couldn't do anything because I don't know what to do. I can't give him what he wants because it's really Elijah whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. I cannot just find a man and directly tell him to be my son's father. It's not that easy.

"Get yourself dressed, Xavier," I told him after drying him up with the towel. He didn't reply and he just walked outside of the bathroom.

I just breathed heavily before closing the bathroom door and going under the shower. It's now my turn to take a bath. I closed my eyes as I feel the water run down to the very bottom of my body. And as I endure the water's coldness, memories from the past entered my mind and it started giving me goosebumps.

Today's going to be our flight, and tomorrow will be our arrival in Manila. After eight years, I will see again the place that gave me so much memories.

After taking a bath and wrapping myself with the hotel's bathrobe, I went out of the bathroom only to see Xavier outside holding a paper flower.

"Mommy, are you still mad at me?" he asked softly.

I took the paper flower from him and bent down. "Mommy's never mad at you. I'm just lecturing you because being mean is not a good attitude, okay?"

He nodded. "May I have a hug?"

I opened my arms for him and he leaned closer to give me a warm embrace.

"Where did you get the paper that you used for this?" I asked him while pertaining to the paper flower.

He pulled away from the hug and pointed the direction of the bedside table. "There."

Mahina akong natawa nang makita roon ang nakapatong na malaking notebook doon. Iyon ay pagmamay-ari ng hotel na kung saan ay isusulat doon ang komento o rekomendasyon ng sinumang nananatili. Tinignan ko ang bawat parte ng bulaklak na papel at buti na lang ay wala akong nakitang sulot doon. Malamang ay sa likod pumunit si Xavier.

"Don't you like it?" Xavier asked, looking a bit nervous because of my silence. "I'll ask Teacher Jemi to teach me a nicer one when I get back to school so you will like it.."

"I love it, baby," I told him and smiled.

He sighed in relief. "Mommy can you teach me Tavalog words?" he asked. "I want to impress tito Aeign and tito Arlszent when we get there!"

"Tagalog, baby," I corrected, chuckling. "Okay, later. Mommy will get dressed first, alright?"

"Also…" he paused and pouted his lips. "I'm already a big boy, mommy. Stop calling me 'baby.'"

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