ELBINA 2

Chapter 5

I woke up in the morning, late morning it would seem because the light outside was so bright that it streamed right through the thin curtain and into my eyes.
I barely even remember falling asleep and the sleep I just had was so deep I didn't have a single nightmare or thought process. Just a blanket of darkness and heaviness that even now seemed hard to shake from my shoulders.
My stomach was still cramping and that only signalled the one thing I really couldn't have right now. It'd held off for a long time already, with all the stress it was bound to but now I knew it couldn't hold it much longer.
I didn't want to move, partly because I knew what was happening under the covers and I was hoping I could ignore it, pretend this didn't happen. I kind of forgot about normal bodily functions, that they really don't exist when you have so much going on. But they do, despite how inconvenient it was.
I looked around the room and there was no one in here, still the made up pillows and blankets on the floor beside me but no sign of anyone else. I feel guilty, knowing I slept in this bed and he might have slept on the ground last night.
He'd been shot, twice. 
Maybe he wouldn't have been, if only I'd pushed down the gun faster.
If I'd noticed the man.
If I'd done a lot of things...
But I squash down that guilt further down in my throat and just as I'm about to pull the covers off of me the door clicks open.
Halley steps through followed by Fallen and I eye them both suspiciously because they already look uncomfortable. They look as if they've done something wrong.
"How did you sleep?"
And there it was.
The reason I could still feel the drowsiness on me and even how I slept at all without a nightmare jolting me awake every two minutes. My eyes narrowed into slits at the realisation.
"I think you already know how I slept."
When did they even drug me? I remember coming back from Dr. Felton's house and that's it. I don't even recall talking with anyone, I think I was exhausted anyway so whatever they gave me, it worked fast.
How could they do that?
I'd been out so long. Someone could have attacked me in my sleep and I'd have been able to do nothing.
I was vulnerable.
My hands clenched around the duvet even more.
They made me vulnerable last night.
"You needed it." He says nonchalantly.
I sat up further in the bed. "And that wasn't your choice to make."
He leant against the door, no guilt in his expression at all. Just matter of fact and he shrugged his shoulders whilst only Halley seemed to feel a little bad for doing it. "I didn't want to have to carry you when you eventually passed out from sleep deprivation. Trust me, this was the best option."
"But since you're up now, we need to go over a plan." He stalked over and despite my seething anger he ripped the covers from me.
And that's when I remembered my predicament, the cramping in my stomach.
Everyone's eyes widened a little before Halley immediately walked up to me and helped me up. I would have thrown her off of me but the last of the drug was wearing off and I didn't need to gain even more attention to myself then already.
"Can you change the sheets, Fallen?" I watched as he paused for a second, shocked and unsure.
I wouldn't even know when would be the last time he experienced anything like this, he'd been living on his own for the past 13 years, so what was he to know? He couldn't stop staring at the red stained sheet, the same red staining that covered my inner thighs.
"Fallen." Her voice was a little sterner now, which seemed to jolt him out of his shock and I almost choked on my own spit when I saw him rub the back of his head, clearly embarrassed.
Embarrassed? 
I didn't think it was possible and all it took was some blood. But he followed Halley's orders all the same, ripping off the sheets as Halley guided us out of the room.
She led me to the bathroom across the hall, turning on the shower for me and checking the temperature.
"I'm sorry about your sheets."
"Nonsense. You can't help it." She wiped her hand on the hand towel, smiling at me when she turned to face me. "Especially since you were in such a deep sleep."
I wanted to be more angry at her. They all deserved it but I was fed up of being angry now, it's all I ever seem to feel at the moment. She pulled at her light blue long-sleeved top, it was thin and I wondered how she was keeping warm enough but it didn't seem to bother her.
She sighed, looking back up at me. "I didn't exactly agree with it at the time."
"Well I'm glad someone thinks it wasn't okay." She chuckled a little in response.
"I didn't agree with it... but I don't think it was necessarily the wrong decision. You were exhausted, you needed a push."
"Well, there's a lot to be scared of."
And there was, between all the events that have happened. It just flits between nightmare after nightmare, new material every time I close my eyes.
Quinn slitting my throat.
That man's face as he strangled me- how quiet everything sounded.
Lucas being shot.
It's hard to sleep, it's not just me that needs protecting. It's everyone around me and if I fall asleep, who's going to do it?
She didn't respond to that, instead moving around me to the door of the bathroom. Her hand pressed on the door as she turned to look back at me.
"Okay, so I have some spare clothes you can wear. I'll see what we have to help you out but I haven't cycled in a while since my menopause, but I might have something stowed away somewhere."
"Thank you."
She waved a hand as if to say forget it and left before bringing back in some clothes for me, dropping them on the counter by the sink.
The door shut and I started peeling off my clothes.
*****
I stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around myself. I briefly checked my reflection in the mirror, wiping the condensation from the small mirror above the sink. Even through the smeared water I regretted it immediately. My eyes were no better, barely any whites to my eyes with the red, still some bruising on my eyes and cheeks. But it was my neck that was the horror show, time had only made the bruising more colourful and deeper.
Not long after I turned the shower off there was a knock at the door, I opened it a crack and came face to face with Halley again.
She held up a small black plastic cup of sorts and that's when my face formed a grimace, she only smiled like always and handed it to me. I took it gingerly in my hand, holding it away from myself a little. I was intimidated, I'd never used one of these before.
"Need an explanation?" I nodded quickly. She stepped in and went through the demonstration, something that I didn't think I'd ever have to do with an absolute stranger.
She stepped back out once I'd sorted myself out after much awkward shuffling and having to bring her back in occasionally to explain again. But I didn't feel it once I'd put the clothes on which were that of some jeans and a jumper. They were a plain light blue straight jean which didn't hug my legs much and the jumper was soft yet thin.
They weren't Halley's, that much was obvious.
And I didn't want to question whose they were because I don't think they wanted me asking.
Whatever her name was. They didn't talk about her, that's for sure.
And whoever she was, Fallen knew her too. Which makes me wonder if that was yet another thing I had forgotten from then, just like my parents.
Everything I believed from then just seems fuzzy now and what I thought I knew has been completely obliterated. So, it was possible that I had met these people before but that doesn't mean I trust them completely, after all, this whole thing only makes it painfully obvious how little I knew about my start in life.
And how little I should trust human beings.
"Are you okay in there honey?" I opened the door quickly, the clothes in my hands, trying to conceal it a little so the red marks weren't so painfully obvious.
"I'm okay."
She grabbed the stuff out of my hands before I could argue it and ushered me down the hall and into the kitchen whilst she veered off into a small side room. I didn't want to go in there, I stood just out of reach of it where the door was partially closed and so hid me from anyone in there.
But there were no audible sounds coming from the room and still, I didn't want to know if they were both in there. Which was stupid, it was just blood.
It was never an issue at home, June made everyone aware of it no matter who it was. Jake was well accustomed to it and it never seemed to embarrass anyone in my house, not even me.
It felt different now, especially after seeing Fallen's reaction. He didn't look grossed out in all fairness to him, just shocked.
The door shut behind me, a hand rested on my shoulder almost pushing me forwards again but I planted my heels.
"What's the matter?" I didn't answer.
She chortled a little before pushing me forward more forcefully. "Oh don't be silly." She shoved me in through the door, both Fallen and Lucas lifted their heads to see me at the door. Halley stepped around me and clicked on the half full kettle, bringing out two mugs from the cupboard.
"Are you going to sit any time soon?" I smiled at Lucas, whose arm was in a makeshift sling and his other hand was wrapped around the handle of his own mug. Sipping from it calmly, sneaking a glance at my change of clothes and my wet hair.
I took the seat beside him, trying to ignore the scrutinizing stare of Fallen from across the table. He was eyeing my jumper with such an intensity that I couldn't look at him anymore and instead focused on Lucas, whose dimples were deep and pokable.
"Were you involved in last night's events then?" If I wasn't sure my tone was suggestive enough then the look Lucas gave me would certainly confirm it was. His cheeks tinged that deep red, he never could handle being caught out.
"I don't regret it." I expected that and so I didn't say anything more about it.
I took the steaming mug of tea from Halley's outstretched hand, thanking her quietly. A sense of normalcy when I blew on the hot liquid and felt the warmth of it seep into my hands. Recounting the many mornings I had with June doing exactly this, sitting in the kitchen and drinking our teas.
Except now she wasn't here.
And that initial fondness shifted to that same unsettled emptiness.
***
"Nearly there." I grunted when he pulled the last stitch from my stab wound, tugging at the sensitive skin a little. Once he'd moved away, throwing the pieces away in the bin in the corner, I stood up.
Lifting the jumper up higher, twisting myself awkwardly to analyse the wound. The skin mostly healed over but red and thick crusts of scabs that covered where the knife went in. Luckily, I don't think I did get an infection in my kidney, I'd think I'd know by now if it had I guessed.
Fallen ordered me to sit back down and I turned and sat on the toilet lid, lifting the jumper up again. He was careful and methodical in everything he did and that at least made me feel more comfortable when he started to clean it.
I hadn't seen Dan all morning, he'd been in the butchers shop with their apprentice. Not seeing him was almost a blessing, I was warming to Halley but Dan... I wasn't sure.
"I'm sorry about this morning." He paused and so did I, still wiping at the skin on my back.
"I didn't mean to make you feel ashamed or anything, I just haven't had to think of stuff like that in a long time." I shrugged.
"I wasn't ashamed. It was actually a little funny."
"Funny?"
"Yeah. Never thought I'd see you looked so shocked about blood. Your face was a picture." He chuckled, giving me a slight push with his hand on my shoulder.
"Yeah, Yeah." I smiled.
It was quiet for a while, scrunching my fist occasionally when he touched another sore region, but it wasn't the worst thing I'd felt in a long time.
But this felt like the cottage, back in Wales. It felt secluded and secure, which is what I thought of the cottage. And he still found us.
If they could find us there, then there really isn't anything stopping them finding us here.
I'm not delusional to think that they wouldn't be able to find us. We took the farmer's car, if they find the man, they find her and then they find us.
It only took a week for them to find the last place, hidden away, and this isn't exactly in the middle of nowhere. I didn't expect it to take long to find us.
"Do you think it's safe here? To stay?" He moved away, sitting back on his heels so when I turned to him, I had to look down.
I already knew his answer.
"No." But it gave me the chance to bring up what I really wanted to know.
"Well this is the second day, when are we leaving?" He stood himself up, running a hand through his hair a little.
He dropped the antiseptic wipe into the bin before washing his hands in the sink. I just sat and watched him, dropping my jumper back down again and eyeing him in the mirror's reflection. Finally, he turned back, leaning back against the sink behind him and crossing his arms.
"We get into the vet practice. Then we go."
"For the pet scanner?" I ask.
He hummed in confirmation.
"Then where?"
I thought of Lucas. How he couldn't travel far, or more that he shouldn't. How could we move with him still injured like he was?
"I honestly have no idea but I'm hoping we can get more information from this dog chip."
"And what if we don't? We need to think of something and fast, there's no telling how quick they will find us this time. It didn't exactly take them that long to find the cottage."
He shakes his head. "That was different. I drove a long way with that van, I had to hit a main road once or twice. It wouldn't have been hard to track where the van went and even if I took off the license plates when I burned it. It still would have showed up as a burnout. They would have been able to guess a rough area of our location from that." He paused before continuing, sucking in a cheek a little. "They'd been getting close anyway before that journey to you. I'd been there so long; it was bound to happen."
Maybe that should have reassured me a little, it was probably his aim. But it didn't, because that was speculation, he didn't really know.
His whole life seemed to be a continued cycle of not knowing. I couldn't stand it, constantly being on edge and worried that they could burst through the door at any given moment. The fact that any person could be involved, I didn't know who THEY really were, how many there were and what to look out for.
"How did you live like this for so long?" His eyes switched to me, confused for a minute before he understood and tilted back his head. Looking up at the ceiling with a shrug of his shoulders.
"I don't know. I guess it's just life. You keep going and keep struggling. Everyone's suffering around you in some way, but you just gotta keep going, haven't you? It's comforting."
I choked. "Comforting?"
"Knowing that everyone else is struggling a little too... makes you feel less alone I think."
And he's right.
It is comforting.