ELBINA 2

Chapter 32 (Final)

There's a stain on the wall.
I can't take my eyes off of it.
The white-washed colour tainted an off white in the left-hand corner, maybe it was damp?
I'd been staring at this wall since the moment I woke up, knowing that people walked around me and knowing they were probably asking questions.
Questions I didn't want to answer, I just let them do whatever they need to. Dropping an arm into their hands without care, like a ragdoll.
The only thing transfixed in me is my head, burned on that spot. Its edges tainted slightly darker so it feels like it's spreading, eventually it will cover the entire of the wall.
Although I'm sure someone will notice before it gets to that stage, right?
I'm leant forwards.
"Breathe in." I do as I'm told, feeling the tightness in my chest and the uncomfortable feeling of my ribs under the skin.
"Breathe out." It's the only thing that relaxes me, makes me realise I'm still alive.
She keeps telling me to repeat it over and over again.
Each time the inspirations exacerbate something more in my side, under the wound. The metal keeping my ribs aligned, the one they fixed in the surgery.
But that was four days ago now.
When I first arrived here.
Wherever here was, I didn't care to ask.
Because it wasn't a normal hospital, not even close. I feel like a prisoner all over again, prodded and poked and left to sit in solitude.
But it was okay, I'd been in and out of consciousness for the first three days. Which means I only began staring at this wall for the past day now.
I'd nearly run out of things to find on it already though. I suppose I could move onto the next wall.
She's flashing a light in my eye, so I wince inadvertently against it but she holds my head steady.
"Better." She says to the others, releasing my head and letting me revert it back forwards again to the wall.
Physically, maybe she thinks I'm healing.
But I'm broken.
More broken than I've ever felt in my entire life.
And that's not something that this doctor can help with. Leaving me alone with nothing else to do but think doesn't make it any better either.
I know I have to be alive, I get to be alive. But its harder then I thought it would be, I want to feel normal again.
I just don't know when that's going to happen.
What if it never does?
I don't know anything more.
I just know what happened that day, in that room, nothing after that.
No ones told me anything since I've woken. But the more I look at the wall the more I think about Nero, about why he was there already.
And how if he was there, then it meant that Gerald already knew something. That maybe Fallen and I, that we were bait.
The scab on the back of my wrist throbs, itchy as I scratch it roughly. Scratching it till my fingers come back wet and it stings sharply.
Eventually the itchiness plateaus; now that it's reopened and sore.
"Elbina." A new voice breaks through the silence, the sounds of feet scuffling out of the room.
He says my name again. Another stain lies underneath the sink opposite, barely visible but if you look hard you can see the faint line of a water mark edging from the side of the basin.
"Glad to see you awake." He sounds positive, I'm not sure if he knows how little I want to be awake right now.
I want to skip this empty grief and just sleep, till I get feelings back that don't hurt quite as much as this.
"I'm Gerald Trueman. Head of the MI5, do you understand why you're here Elbina?"
Hearing his voice, understanding who he is. My insides hurt in anger, bubbling quietly under the surface of my quiet exterior and I hope it unnerves him.
He reiterates my name again.
Just so he'll stop saying my name over and over again, I nod my head.
There's more than one pair of footsteps in the room, a door closing behind them when they walk further in and I can see Gerald pull up a chair beside my bed in the corner of my eye.
His legs crossing over as he leans back, my eyes flick over to him only for a second before I revert back to the white-washed wall.
"Firstly, I want to offer my deepest condolences to you on the passing of your brother, Fallen." I gulp hard hearing him say that, gritting my teeth hard when I think how he used us. I'm sure of it more than ever, the way he speaks in such a matter of fact way. Speaking like he gives a shit about losing a life, when he really doesn't. It's only a job to him and we were probably just a stepping stone to getting the bigger fish.
But that fish is dead and so is Fallen.
So, no one fucking won.
"Now, there's a couple of aspects that I need to go over... about that night. About the last three weeks in fact." I let my eyes wander, drifting to the right when I see the movement of another leaning against the wall.
To the dirty blonde haired man, peeking out from the hat pulled over his head. His strong arms crossed over his chest as he catches me looking at him. My eyes hit his and I grip the sheets in my fist tightly, shaking minutely. He tries to make me feel better, he tries to smile but it comes out so twisted and awkward that it makes the situation worse so I have to veer my head away again.
So I can avoid the man who brought back far too many strong memories of that night to the forefront of my mind. Images that I didn't need nor want, images that I needed to forget.
"Elbina. I need you to cooperate, If it will make it easier... I can have Nero sit with you whilst you write a statement regarding the events. It will really help with our investigation." I nod quietly in response.
"Good. And can I count on you as an eye witness?" My head jolts to him now, what?
"To bring everyone to justice, shouldn't be too hard after what Lucas brought me." My heart stutters in my chest.
"He's okay?" I jump in with the question. The first words I'd spoken so they come out cracked and fragile.
"Absolutely fine, demanding to see you of course." He tries to lean forward and pat my forearm but I quickly snatch it back. Leaving him uncomfortably retreating back into his seat before clearing his throat.
"It won't be long. As soon as you can be discharged, I'll have you back together. I'm sure the familiarity will help with the next coming months."
"Months?" I mumble, sweat building in the palm of my hands.
"Yes. What with the severity and the large scale of the people involved, I can't risk you being targeted under my watch. You'll be placed into protection, I understand you are somewhat familiar with this but in this case, the environment will be much more isolated." I can't believe what I'm hearing, it baffles me. It makes me bitter enough hearing him say that he wouldn't want me targeted, as if he hadn't already let it happen. He should be apologizing, admitting fault in letting Fallen die, Fallen died under his watch too. Not just mine.
"How long?"
"Hard to say but I need to be certain we find everyone involved before I will feel comfortable letting you out."
"How long?" I press harder.
Even if I know I won't like the answer.
"Six months... give or take."
I almost want to laugh.
Laugh at how stupid I was to think that exposing Nathanial would mean I go home, that we could go back to normal.
"I understand this is a lot of information to throw at you. By the looks of it, you'll be in hospital for a while longer for observation and such so we can go over the details on a later date.... Just know that I have a good place lined up for you and Lucas, Nero will be your primary guard if that makes it more comfortable for you?"
I immediately shake my head.
"No." It doesn't even sound like my voice anymore, it's hoarse and crackling through my voice box.
He raises an eyebrow. "No?"
"I need to be separated from Lucas. He has to be kept away from me." He looks at me weird, screwing his mouth in thought. "Please." I push.
Eventually he sighs in aggravation, I can hear it even if he tries to hide it.
"Fine."
At least I can do something.
I can keep someone safe from my chaotic life, the further away from me the better.
He'll understand it, one day he will.
I mumble a thank you, not that he deserves it. But I didn't want him backtracking on the deal when he didn't seem to want to alter his plans in the beginning.
Gerald stands up, pushing back the chair with him as he brings out his phone. He doesn't check for more than a second before repocketing it again.
"I don't want to overload you with further information, I'll let you rest a little longer and come back this afternoon to go over the statement."
"I just want to check, when you were escaping. Unfortunately we didn't get everyone, the raid didn't exactly go the way I intended it to." He tilts his head to Nero for the briefest moment, trying to pass it off as nothing but I can see the annoyed expression on his face. "I just want to make sure whether you saw anyone you recognised? Anything else that might have been disrupted between the time of your escape and when we arrived." He talks like he expects me to know something, acting nonchalant but the whole atmosphere in here becomes colder and I grip the sheet tighter in my grasp under his scrutiny.
The thought niggles in the back of my head, that room.
That room that held the next attack.
And the names that I saw on the papers.
But I shake my head at him, watching him step forward and grasp my hand.
He shakes it firmly, holding it longer than I expected it and he stares me down for too long. Enough so it unnerves me all the same and I worry he might feel the clamminess of my hands, that he'll know I'm lying to him.
But he doesn't do anything, he releases my hand and instantaneously lifts his lips into a professional smile. The same smile on the television all that time ago, as he accepted his new position at the top.
Some might call it a politician's smile, and maybe I can't argue that. 
"I'll see you this afternoon. If you have any problems, then speak to Nero."
He mutters a goodbye, leaving the room so I'm left in the quiet with Nero opposite me. His arms crossed as he moved to sit on the end of the bed.
Then he turns his head to me slowly, letting out a long breath.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I scratch at the mark on the back of my wrist again, over and over again.
Knowing that this was far from over.
"I think the important question Nero - " I turn my eyes up, meeting his when I say again quietly.
"-Is why didn't you?"