ELBINA 2

Chapter 23

"Where exactly are we going?"
My feet slap into the puddles that accumulated on the ground, one after the other from the rain last night. Despite the cold weather, I was warm, wrapped up in a thousand layers of clothing. Lucas says my name when I don't respond, his footsteps in line with mine now.
"I'm not sure. I thought I saw another track off from this road before we got to the house, I'm thinking there was something down that way."
I can see him tilt his head my way briefly, "And if there isn't?"
"Then we keep going till we find a house. We need a car. We can't be the only house in the vicinity." I say and the conversation falls short.
Not that we'd been talking all that much since we left the house, there wasn't much to say in all honesty.
But I'm still trying to ignore the slight ache from the inside of my knee, throbbing occasionally when my foot falls a little deeper than normal into one of the numerous potholes.
The array of trees lining the hill that rests to the left of us are made up of spindly branches, dark and black. They almost look as if they've been burned and all that's left is charcoal, looking akin to thousands of hands grasping at one another. Ripping each other apart and growing so big and ugly that they'll end up destroying one another, tearing the others apart till one reaches the top.
There isn't much wildlife in them either, there'd be nowhere for them to hide in all the bareness. It wouldn't be safe, not till the spring.
I pick up my pace, turning my head along the line of the trees until I match back with the road in front of me. A small and single track, only passing places occasionally to allow two-way traffic. Except we hadn't seen anyone, not a single person along this road.
And to be honest, I'd forgotten what day it was now.
The days of the week didn't seem much to matter in the grand scheme of things at the moment. We keep walking like that for a while longer, Lucas so quiet I almost forget he's there. Cause we trudge along the road in synchrony, as if we're just a single entity trawling the emptiness of this road.
But then he speaks, unsure and timid and nothing like his usual self.
"Are you sure I should be the one to go down?"
My head flicks to his quickly, it takes me a second more to reply because I'm not sure I want to know his answer. "Do you not want to?"
"No. It's not that, it's-" He trails off, I slow my step when I hear him but he keeps walking anyway. I call to him, so he falters in his step at my tone. 
"Lucas."
He turns partly, so I can see half his face when he responds, more himself and more in dismissal of his previous statements. "It doesn't matter, forget it."
"It matters." I say deadpan. "What is it?"
This time he stops, lifting his shoulders up and readjusting his hands in his jacket pockets. Shaking his head at me, sniffling away some remnants of drizzle from his nose. "I just don't think I'm the right person."
I can't push it on him and I don't want to put him in any more danger than he's already been in. I stare at him hard for a minute, maybe a little too much cause he shuffles on his feet and he can't look me in the eye.
I let out a sigh, nodding my head at him before walking on. "Fine. I'll go."
"No." He steps in front of me, stopping me walking any further so I have to look up at him in frustration.
"What do you want Lucas!?" He didn't look like he expected the outburst and I don't think I did either. This tension and anxiety residing in my chest just simmers constantly at the surface, sometimes, I can't help the spitting of water.
"I don't know."
"I'm trying my best here! Can't you see that!? I'm coming up with a plan, to get us through this because this is the only way I can imagine us getting out of this!" I'm flailing my arms around at him like a mad woman but he just stands there uncomfortable. "Someone needs to go... this way, at least you'll be separated from me and Fallen. We're the ones they're after so the further away you are from us, from me, the better."
He bites his lip nervously, those eyes holding me in such an intense look that I really want to look away, but I can't. "I don't want to ruin it. Cause if I mess up-"
"You won't mess up." I step over to him, right up to him so I have to tilt my head up to see him.
He shakes his head, the black hairs peeking out from under his hat frayed over his forehead. "Last time I checked; you didn't have a crystal ball."
"No. I don't." I sniffle away some more drizzle from my nose. "But you don't mess things up, no matter how hard it seems to be. You try so hard at everything you've ever done. I know that; I've seen it."
He drops his look from me, I can breathe now when he circles a foot through the stones and dirt beneath us. "Doesn't mean it'll be good enough."
"It doesn't matter what happens. You'll have done everything humanly possible, and that's more than good enough. Whatever you will do, it'll be better than anything Fallen and I could ever do."
"If you don't want to go because you think you won't be good enough. Then don't say it, don't even think it. Cause we both know that's not true."
He's quiet, mulling it over and avoiding any eye contact with me.
"Okay?" I reiterate, touching his forearm and holding it towards me so he can lift that head.
Finally, he nods his head slowly but surely and pulls me into his chest. I accept it, like always and I mould my cheek into his jacket when he ducks his head into the crook of my neck as always.
I break the silence, "We better get moving. Before it gets dark." pulling away, I nudged him forward so I could walk beside him again.
Back along the road until we eventually find the turn off that I remembered from before.
At least now, I'll find out what was down this track and I can only hope they have a car otherwise it really will be dark by the time we get back to the farm.
When the house comes into sight, we veer off so we can just watch for some time. It feels like an eternity until we are fairly confident there isn't anyone here so we step back onto the road and continue the walk to the house. It's quaint, which is the only way I can describe the light blue bungalow in front of us. It's been well kept so someone was sure to actually live here, where they are right now is another thing. Cause even in the dying light, becoming musky around us with the cold starting to become worse, there isn't a single light on in the house. We make our way around the side, more gravel there and that's when I smile, having seen the green 4x4 parked at the side.
"I could cry in joy right now." He says, I nod in response.
"It's definitely the most beautiful thing I've seen." He laughs, turning his head to me before we rush over to it. My hand runs over the hood whilst Lucas pulls his backpack off and grabs a metal bar out of it, dropping his bag to the ground and trying the handle just in case. It doesn't open.
"You're going to break it at this rate." My eyebrow lifts when I tilt my head at him, watching him jam the metal down between the window and the outer metal work over and over again.
"I know how to break into a car Ella." He smiles smugly at me and I drop my head in embarrassment.
"You stole cars in this gang?" My feet grind along the gravel quietly when I twist my foot in, crunching my fists back and forth to keep them from freezing. 
"No. Well, I didn't." He jimmies the metal some more, pulling back until there's a click. He grins before pulling open the door and he gives me another smug look. "But it doesn't mean I didn't learn how to."
"On another day I might consider this a fault in your character."
"Not today though?" He chuckles.
"Not today." My eyes narrow at him because he's happy, mocking me almost when he pulls off the cover under the wheel. Which is when the numerous amounts of wires become visible, I lean on the door watching him fiddle between them all. Following each one and isolating a few.
I turn my head to survey the surroundings, watching the open space with careful eyes. I didn't want to miss a thing around here, even if we were in the middle of nowhere it would seem.
But the bushes bristle quietly in the icy breeze coming off the sea, which I can't hear but I can smell in the air still. It's quiet, there's no one here but us.
And whether it's because the homeowners are gone completely, or maybe they only went away for a short period. I wasn't sure.
All I know is that I still have the unsettled feeling in my stomach anyway. The same feeling I've had this entire time; it doesn't matter if I can't see anyone.
Cause I know I don't have to be able to see them, for them to be able to see me.
The car rumbles to life, I turn to see Lucas gripping the steering wheel now as he looks above it to the dashboard.
"How much fuel is there?" I nod.
"Three quarters. You think they'll have some in the shed?" I look up, peeking above the roof of the car to the wooden shed just off the main house.
I grumble quietly. "I'm not sure we should risk it."
Lucas chokes a small laugh, tapping a hand on the wheel when he looks at me. "Risk it? We're stealing their car."
I laugh too, a nervous one but he was right. "Good point."
"Do we even need it? Where's the manual?" He reaches down into the glove compartment and pulls out the manual, handing it over to me.
I flick through the pages quickly to the miles per gallon, then to the fuel capacity.
"It's got a sixty-five litre engine, so three-quarter tank makes it around forty-eight litre. That gives us around ten gallons of fuel. It's got a thirty miles per gallon efficiency so that'll give us three hundred miles. It's like four hundred miles to London, so we just need another fifteen litres minimum." When I look up at Lucas, he's smiling at me.
"What?"
"Nothing. Come on, let's check the shed."
"I swear if you're mocking me." I threaten him, following behind him till we reach the shed and he grabs a rock from off the side.
He turns to me and smiles again.
"I'm not mocking you." Holding his hands up in mercy when I narrow my eyes at him playfully.
"Uh-huh, sure." I let it go and he returns to smashing the lock on the shed. Just another thing to add to my list of crimes committed so far, even if I make it out of this, I'll be in prison for the rest of my life.
The lock cracks and the large locking mechanism snaps open, the thick part of it falling to the ground leaving the open hook still attached to the bolt. Lucas quickly throws it off and opens it up, clicking on the flashlight from his jacket pocket when he steps fully inside.
"Anything?" I take one more step through, trying to let my eyes readjust to the lighting change before checking by the door and sifting through the piles of random tools in here.
Please let there be something. Please let something work in our favour.
Then I hear the smug voice from Lucas, and I know we've lucked out. "Look what I found."
I step back out and let him drop the large heavy jerry can in front of us, it's one of the large ones. Probably about twenty-five litres and when I pick it up, it's full to the brim.
"Any more just in case?" I question him, Lucas jumbles around some more before coming back out with a shake of the head.
I nod anyway. "This'll do then. It'll have to do."
I pick up the jerry can, Lucas shuts the shed behind him, and I chuck the can in the boot of the car before jumping into the passenger seat.
It doesn't take long until he's jumped in as well and we're grinding over the gravel and out onto the road again, back towards the farm.
I keep flicking my eyes over to him, watching him concentrate on the road and furrow his eyebrows when the gears grind uncomfortably as he gets used to them.
"Thanks for last night." His eyes only meet mine for the briefest moment, confused when he responds.
"Huh?"
"Last night." It takes him a second or two, more furrowing of the eyebrows as he thinks. Finally, he nods in understanding this time and I shove my hands deeper into my pockets, curling my fingers into fists. I'm awkward, I wasn't sure whether to bring it up but I also didn't want to take him for granted. He helped more then he seemed to know. But it's still uncomfortable to bring up, I know we'd been sleeping in the same tent for the past few days but this was different.
I had the choice of staying in my own room, but that didn't stop me climbing into Lucas' bed last night. Thankfully, he never said anything then, only wrapped an arm around me to bring me into his chest. The last thing I can remember was the low thrum of his heart against my ear, rhythmic and dull that it lulled me right to sleep.
He clears his throat, readjusting his hat before gripping the wheel again. "No problem."
I feel like I owe him an explanation, maybe he didn't want me there last night. Maybe he felt pressured into letting me stay, but in actuality he wanted to be alone.
"It's just-" He interrupts me.
"You don't need to explain it to me. I get it." His green eyes meet mine for a fraction of a second before he quickly guides them back forward, his breath coming out in puffs of white through the cold.
And I smile quietly to myself.
******************************************
"What are you going to do once we're free of all this?" I lift my head to Fallen, he's slouched on the sofa fiddling with the large semi-automatic in his hands. Another simple handgun sits to his left. I turn on the swivel seat at the breakfast table so I can face him. He's not looking at me, he's too concentrated on the gun in his hands.
I remember that conversation with June, I hadn't done anything more to my UCAS application. I hadn't even thought about it, I just assumed I could sort it all out after the match. Which hasn't exactly worked out like planned.
So I shrug, planting my hands on my knees when I lean back against the table.
"Not sure. I didn't know before this and I don't think I do now. I'll just be glad to be home."
And I really will be glad to be home. I don't think I'll ever let them go. I want my normal life back, not that I think I'll get it even if we get out of this. Nothing will be the same.
I inch my head back, wondering what's taking Lucas so long in the shower.
So I switch my look back to Fallen. "What about you?"
"Me?" This time, he looks up at me and leans himself back against the sofa. 
"Yeah." I nod.
"Maybe an arts and crafts shop, improve my whittling and sell them? I don't know, just enjoy the peace and quiet really. Cause even though I was just hiding out for all those years, it didn't mean I was content or calm. I just want to live a normal life, do normal things. You know, I've never gone to a place just for the sake of it. There always had to be a reason and I always had to be careful." He leans forward and I smile, listening intently to him.
"I want to go to a pub, just to have a drink and sit there. Nothing else. I want to go to a museum even if I'd know I'd hate it. Maybe most people forget about those inane moments, write them off as boring and stupid. I don't see it like that, I crave all of that. Maybe that's not what life should be about but then again, who even knows the answer to that? Why does there have to be a reason? The point of life is subjective, surely? How can one person say another is boring? Why should someone feel guilty for not doing something, for being behind the game, for being 'unsuccessful'. Surely none of that matters? It matters how you see the world, what you define as worthy and interesting. Maybe I want to do all the normal mundane things but normal to me would be the best thing in the world. I'd be so unbelievably happy with that. What's so wrong about that?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all." I shake my head, smiling.
"All those people, 'you never know when your last day will be'. Fuck them." I laugh.
"Fuck 'em all. Making everyone experience life as some sort of race, making you shit yourself about all the things you have yet to do and what you haven't done. Fuck it. Who gives a shit? You do what you do, do what makes you happy and fuck anyone else. If they ain't supporting you living the way you want, they ain't worth the time. I mean, if you're not hurting anyone why does it concern them? Are they just jealous that you can find enjoyment out of the simple things? That you don't need to prove yourself to anyone?"
"You're simple, you know that?" Fallen narrows his eyes at me, raising an eyebrow carefully.
"I'm going to assume that wasn't an insult."
"It wasn't. It's a good thing to be. Certainly, less stressful." I say.
"You'll have to stay with me, we can do all that boring normal stuff together." I mean it when I say it, cause if we got out of this. I wasn't ready to lose him again and I couldn't be happier to keep him close by, to help him enjoy the normal world.
He could stay and learn to bake with me and Jake, he could get to know June. We could go into London and I could take him to all those stupid boring museums and art galleries. It was something to look forward to and I might actually get to know Fallen again. The normal Fallen, the one who isn't on edge and stuck in this shit situation.
He smiles at me, nodding his head before responding quietly. "I'd love that."