The Boy at My Window

Chapter Twenty: Finally

*This chapter contains self-harm (I won't go into any grave details) and may upset some readers. It also includes suggestive, while not detailed, content (you people know exactly what I mean)

The knife clattered to the floor. I felt so worthless, so disgusting. I don't even know exactly what drove me to do it. But it was done. I ignored the blood and pain as I pulled on a sweatshirt and climbed into bed burrowing under my covers.

I cried for hours; until I was all out of tears. And then still, I just laid in bed and whimpered.

There was a loud tap at my window.

"It's open." I called, my voice thick from crying.

Matthew lifted the window and came tumbling into my room. I heard him groan. I rolled over to see him just laying on my floor.

"Matthew?" I said, my voice quiet. I crawled off my bed and over to him. "Matthew, are you okay?"

He just moaned and curled into himself.

I gently tugged him so I could look at his face. "Oh my god." His nose was bloody, his eye black and almost swollen shut, he had a dark bruise flowering over his left cheek bone, and deep cut on his right cheek bone, most likely left by a ring. "Does anything else hurt?"

"My ribs." he rasped. He finally opened his eyes and looked at me. "Hey, you've been crying." he said, gently cupping my cheek with his hand.

"It's nothing." I responded pulling away, "Come on. We need to get you cleaned up."

"No. It's not nothing." he pressed. "You're important too." he reached up again and gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.

"Let's clean you up and then maybe I'll tell you."

He nodded.

I helped him up but it was obviously painful. He slumped on my bed against the wall. "I'm going to go downstairs and get ice."

I grabbed ice packs and ran back upstairs.

When I walked back in, Matthew was holding the knife with dried blood. "Shaina?" he asked shakily, "Please tell me this isn't what I think."

"It isn't what you think." I said quietly and yanked the first aid kit out from under my bed moving to sit beside him.

"Shaina-"

"Matthew." I cut him off firmly. "Stop. Let me clean you up."

He stopped talking and held still. I handed him an ice pack for his eye and cleaned the cut on his cheek. He winced. "I'm sorry." I muttered. As I reached up to place butterfly sutures on the cut he gently tugged the sleeve of my sweatshirt down.

"Shaina," he gasped.

I jerked my arm away and scrambled off the bed away from him.

"Shaina, please. Why-why did you this?" he asked his voice tight.

I pulled my knees into a chest, wrapped my arms tightly around them and buried my head in my knees.

He moved to kneel in front of me. Matthew tugged my arms from their strong hold around my knees and gently pulled both sleeves up to reveal the ugly slash marks obscuring my arms.

"Shaina," he said gently, "what happened?"

"Everyone at school." I choked. "They won't stop with the teasing and the rumors and Alice is making my life a living hell! I can't take it anymore! Everyone thinks I'm a slut and a whore. And the guys! Ugh, the guys are the worst! They keep trying to get me to sleep with them! I just couldn't take it anymore, Matthew!" I sobbed. "I just snapped."