Given half a chance

Chapter 5

Sebastian

I try to escape this world. I do it every evening . My escape from this world involves a hazel coloured liquid inside an aluminium can . And the plan for my escape is to replace the burning in my chest with the burning in my throat and stomach. 

With every swig of this hazel liquid , my burning intensifies several times. This liquid works like an amplifier , amplifying my emotions and burnings and pains. That's a total disruption and failure of my plan . My plans are bound to fail though . After all I am worthless.

The door to my chamber opens slightly . It must be the security guard who stays all night here. He knows sometimes I spend the night here.

The door opens wider and someone walks in . Not the Security guard . He never walks in .  when the lights of my office are on , he knows better than coming in and how much I love my privacy . He loves his job. So he won't risk it by coming in .

A familiar face becomes visible over the top of the table. Her brows are furrowed as she searches for me . It's good that I am sitting behind the table. She can't see me here.

She tries to smell something. Or she can probably smell something . She walks around the desk . I squeeze my eyes shut.

I don't want her to see me like this . I hear her stop short on her tracks. She must be looking at me with those brown eyes now. I can feel her eyes on me an inferno . A large unbearable heat , dangerously out of control , washes over me.

She doesn't say anything . Seconds turn into minutes . But she remain quiet . " When are you going to quit staring ?"

" When are you going to open your eyes ?" Her voice reverberates inside my heart. I don't like the things her mere voice makes me feel. Her voice has started to throw me out of my own balance.  Weirdly , it's something I have never experienced before.

I blame this hazel liquid and my closed eyes for making me feel like this. Perhaps , if I open my eyes her voice and her words will probably matter much less to me. And then I may work out how to not let then effect me .

I tilt my head backwards to rest it against the wall. I am on the floor . My back resting against the wall and my knees are up . I can feel my grip on the can tightening , as if it's the can's fault that Anna found me in this position .

" Leave me alone Anna ." I force the words out through gritted teeth .

" I am not going to leave you . Especially in this situation. "

I chuckle " This is right. You leave when I beg you to stay. And you stay when I want you to leave. "

The only response I get is the wheels of my chair screeching and her heels clicking on the floor a few times . Then silence.

" If it would have been three years ago , would you let me stay ?" Her voice is weak , almost a whisper.

I squeeze my eyes tighter in a painful agony " I would . If it was three ago . I would put my head on your shoulder and let my tears flow. " I would have hugged her and cry as much as I want. Probably I could do that only with Anna. Another thing between me and her. Our thing.

But I could. Past tense. I can't anymore. I won't let myself cry in front of her. Never again.

I have no idea if she is still here or not . So I open my eyes and as luck has it , I find her staring down at me . Her eyes not revealing a single thought . It's infuriating . I want to know what's she thinking. I want to know the exact words she is using right now to describe me. I want to know , if she's thinking to leave seeing me like this.