Given half a chance

Chapter 14

Anna

" I wonder what were you thinking all this time . " Ian says while leaning against the ledge of the terrace , his hands folded over his chest.

" What do you mean ?" I study each of his movement . Even the smallest ones. How his chest heaves up and now with every breath he takes and releases. How his lips twitch when I said him I'll help him .

" What made you wait this long ?"

" I needed time to think ."

He eyes like he doesn't believes me . " Do you even have a plan or something ?" I ask him . The corner of his lips turns up in a crooked smile. " I do. "

I blink . So he's already set to ruin them . I don't know whether I should feel happy or skeptical . " What's the plan then ?"

" No Anna ." He exhales " Have patience . I'll tell you when the time comes ."

My annoyance reaches a whole new level . Is he kidding me ? " Why not now ?"

Ian pushes away from the ledge. With his hands in his pocket , he walks towards me " Because first , you haven't earned my trust yet. And second I don't know if you are capable of keeping your mouth shut about something like this. "

He walks past me towards the stairs . " Wait a little more. Till the first semesters exams . "

First semester ? That's like three more weeks. I don't know what Ian is planning . And I decide it's better if I don't know it now. Not today . I have to go through the rest half of the school now.

My mother is at phone with someone when I arrive home. She gestures for me to come down after changing for some snacks.

I change into my most hideous looking pajamas , that also happens to be the most comfortable ones . The ones with small white stars printed on it and my t-shirt says ' give me a break' .

My mother is still on phone. It's being my comprehension how she can converse for hours on phone. From the topics of her discussion I deduce it's her sister she's talking too. Apparently some cousin of my mother is getting married for the second time after being divorced for three years.

She places a plate of fruits in front of me and gestures me to eat . She walks back to the living room speaking in the phone " I just want him to be happy. I don't want history to repeat itself . Is that too much to ask for ?"

I want to ask my mother how do you find out if you are asking for too much. How should I find out if I asked too much from God by asking Sebastian.  I don't even think I asked anyone for Sebastian. Neither God nor him . Is that why I didn't get him ? Because I never asked for it ?

Before I can figure out the answer of my question my mother walks back into the kitchen , this time without the phone.

When I realise she's just starting __ no glaring at me , I look up at her from the untouched plate of fruits . " What hap___" I immediately realise what has happened. My untouched lunch box has happened .

My slams the poor lunchbox on the table in front of me . " Do you even know I woke up a whole hour early today just to prepare your lunch ." I gulp and shake my head no . Because I had no idea. That seems to make my mother even more angry. " Do you even care ? " I do. I wouldn't feel terrible if I didn't care.

"You are just like your father. Doesn't care about my feelings.  I wake up in the morning , prepare breakfast , then lunch then go to school and after returning from school I don't get a single second to rest. I had to prepare dinner for you two !"

She releases a shaky breath. She looks mad now. " Why didn't you eat your lunch today ?" She asks narrowing her eyes at me.

" I thought you didn't eat yesterday because you didn't like what I gave you for lunch. So I made an extra effort today. "

Before she could dive deeper into the matter , I lie shamelessly " I was called off for preparing a school project for interschool science exhibition ."

" During the lunch period ?" She asks sounding pissed . But I can't tell who she's pissed at.  Me or the school authorities .

" We need to do this project during school hours. I didn't want to lose classes for this . So I ..... " She got it . I can see it in her face. So I stop lying.

" That's intolerable . I will talk to your principal . " Principal ?

" He needs to know how much pressure this puts on the children. If necessary , I'll take the help of my club members ." Shit ! I jump from my stool ." That's not needed mom . It's just a temporary thing . If you go and complain they won't select me for any other projects. That'll only harm me in the end. " That seems to make her think .

" But __ "

" Please Mom !"

" Only in one condition. " She jabs the air with her index finger as she points at me .

" What's that ?" I will agree to anything now .

" I want this lunchbox empty from tomorrow. " I already have made a mental note to do that. If I can't finish it , then I'll feed it to others.

" Empty lunchboxes. Agreed. "

She squints at me. " You will finish your lunch . Don't throw it up in some dustbin. "

I nod. " I'll finish my lunch. " I would never throw away food . I hate food wastage. Mom has no idea there are some sharks in our school that eats everything. Even her half burnt toasts .

Alec has sent me an email containing all the details of the experiment we are going to do for our project. If everything goes as per his plan , then we can finish the experiment in the next two days and then start revising for the exams.

My mind goes back to Ian and his plan . I stare at the screen of my monitor and the only thing I can see is the crooked smile of Ian . Depression settles on me like a thick layer of snow in the winter. I try to shake it off. But it's as stubborn as I am.

I make my way downstairs and find my mother on the sofa. Her nose deep into a book. Shakespeare's Hamlet. She sees me eyeing the book . " I have to teach it tomorrow in school. " She explains .

Talking about revenge , " Do you think Hamlet's decision to taking revenge was justified. "

Mother looks at unblinkingly. She drags in a long breath . " Everything is fair in love and war Anna. For Hamlet it was both . "

" How so ?"

" The love for his father . The war against his foul uncle . "

" So you think it's fair . " She leans back in the sofa , placing her head against the backrest and looking up at the ceiling . " Who we are to judge if it's fair or justified. The most we can do is ask ourselves are we strong enough to bear the consequences of our actions . More importantly is this what we want ."

She fixes her eyes on me , head still laid on the backrest. " We do things hoping for one outcome . But then the consequence turns out to be something completely different . Something we didn't foresee. Something depressing and miserable ."

Actions and consequences . It's not as easy as maths where always two plus two is four. It's life . Where every action has an equal and opposite reaction. And by all means the reaction can be completely unexpected .