Given half a chance

Chapter 12

Anna

" You sure you don't want to go to the nurse. You don't look fine to me Anna. " Alec asks for the third time. I told him I am feeling a mild stomach ache . Nothing to worry about , as it often happens in empty stomach.

With every lie to Alec, my chest tightens. A heaviness sets on my soul . I hate to lie . Especially to someone who's been nothing but good to me. Alec genuinely cares. He's concerned and that warms my heart. That also makes lying to him punishable .

I really want to tell him that I needed to cry after my conversation with Cath. And so I have. In the solitary of the girl's washroom . But I am too embarrassed to confess it .

Alec sighs , genuinely worried for me " you are so stubborn ! Everyone can see you are suffering , but you ? Won't accept that at all. "

Stubborn . Does he mean that in a good way or a bad way ? Because I don't see stubbornness as a weakness or a character flaw.

I take a seat beside Alec in the cafeteria . I have now grown familiar with his group of  friends. There are four of them , excluding Alec .They are not the ideal group to hang around from academic reference. But they are more than ideal to serve as a distraction. That's what I need now. Distraction . Until I learn myself how to that on my own .It will take a lot of mind training . But as Alec said. I am stubborn . So I'll learn .

Today I expected another debate on marvel vs DC : which is better. Or a discussion on the possibility of iron man's reappearance. But unfortunately for me , today's topic is Sebastian and Catherine.

" You tell me ! " a girl named Leah , sitting across Alec , slapped her hand on the table and leans forward. " if nothing is going on between them , then why don't they have lunch with everybody else here ?"

I wince. Her words are ruining my distraction. That's not good . I've just returned from the washroom emptying all my pent up tears . I don't want to end up on the bathroom floor anytime soon .

" When did I say there's nothing going on between them ? " The boy sitting beside Leah , whose name I've not yet grasped , speaks up. " Infact I say they are already secretly dating . I would not be shock if it turns out Sebastian has already proposed. He's so smitten by her. " He smirks. My stomach flips.

I want to scream at them and shut them up . But we all know , that's never going to happen. So I silently think for a new topic for discussion .

Between thinking it and actually speaking it out loud , Jeffrey says " But if Sebastian has really proposed Catherine , Anna must know that . " He leans forward and looks past Alec so that his eyes can meet mine. " Are they already dating ?" He asks me inquisitively . His eyes are narrowed to a squint.

I look away from him and wet my lips. They feel unusually dry. Like my soul is feeling right now. Dry and dead . Like a desert.

" How am I suppose to know that . " I tell them . The sandwiches in my lunchbox begs for my attention. My mother has done a terrific job with them . They actually look appetizing , a far cry from her morning half burnt bread toast.

Jeffrey clicks his tongue . " If anyone is supposed to know , then it's you. " My appetite slowly vanishes. The sandwiches remain untouched. Mom is do going to be angry.

Alec tries to change the subject . But his dismisses him . I silently thank him with my eyes. His returning smile says he's sorry . But for what ? I try to smile in a way that tells he has nothing to be sorry for. But i won't be surprised if it turns out the other. Because let's face it , my smile is not even half as expressive as Alec's .

But I wish it was. At least then the people around me would know that it's not real . Or maybe my smile could say Sebastian the words I couldn't say and would never be able to tell him .