✔︎ | 𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗼𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁, noah schnapp

xxv.

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗧𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗬-𝗙𝗜𝗩𝗘

𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗖𝗜𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗧.

☀︎︎

     I am super late. i decided to stop and get something, but they took forever to get me my strawberry milkshake. once i pull up at the party, you can just tell that everyone is already inside. i quickly hop out of the car and rush inside.

     inside millie is greeting the guests. sadie is also next to her and they are deep in conversation, until they notice me. "gemma! youre finally here!" millie says as she gives me a hug. "uh yeah, i just got held up." i tell her. "what happened with you and noah?" sadie suddenly asks. "well, i was on facetime with him, and i brought up the kiss we have to do next week, and i was talking about how it wont change anything." "oh god gemma!" sadie exclaims. "what?" im beyond confused. millie explains it for me, "isnt it obvious? he likes you!" "uh no?" i say. sadie is practically yelling, "let me guess! next he says something along the lines of 'just friends, right.' and then he suddenly hangs up?" wait how did they know? "uh maybe?" "okay, i have to do something. sadie, you know." millie says and begins to walk away. "yep." thats all she says. i try and get more out of her, but she doesnt budge.

     "i just wanted to thank everyone for coming to my ball! to close the night, i think we should play a game. how does that sound?" everyone either claps or shouts 'yeah!' "okay! for this game, i am going to turn off the lights, and everyone needs to find somebody and kiss them!" once again everyone claps. i turn to say something to sadie, but shes not there. "okay! 3, 2, 1" the lights flick off. im left in total darkness until i get pushed. luckily someone catches me though. he smells good. kinda like cinnamon. in an instant his hand goes up to my cheek and he connects our lips.

     hes intoxicating, theres just something about him. he tasted good too, like citrus and mint. everything in my head was telling me to stop but i couldnt. my hands slipped around his neck and his to my waist. then in an instant, my mind matched my mouth. i couldnt keep kissing him. it didnt matter how much i liked it or how much it made me feel. i just couldnt. my hands went back to my side as i pulled away. leaving him in the dark, i walked away. one of my hands went up and touched my lips, they were still buzzing.

"who'd you kiss, gemma?" millie pulled me aside into a small room. "i dont know." "okay, was it good?" she asks. "was it good? millie, i cant tell you how much i liked it." i reply. "so you dont know who it is. uh-lets just make a list. tell me everything you noticed." she tells me. for some reason she has a notepad and a pen. "well, he smelled really good." i tell her. "what did he smell like?" she asks. "cinnamon. he smelled like cinnamon." "what else?" she questions. "he tasted like citrus and mint. uh what else... his hair was soft, and short. he was taller than me, not alot, but he still was. i wanted to keep kissing him, but i couldnt. everything told me to leave, get away." my face turns into a smile, "but it was good. like really good. like holy shit if that ever happens again marry me please. god! im such an idiot. i should have stayed!" millie puts down her notepad. "hey! if you're meant to be, you find out who it is." "thats bullshit. there is no 'meant to be' people just say that to give you hope." i exclaim. "whats wrong with hope?" she asks. "a lot of things. if i dont hope, i dont get dissapointed." i glance at the clock in the room. "i gotta go, we'll talk later." "bye gemma." she says as i walk out of the room.

(noah - bold gemma - underline)
hey! uh hi. why is he so happy? whats wrong? bullshit. you cant tell me not to fake emotions and then do it. huh? you just gonna ignore what happened on facetime? or the fact that we kiss in what, 6 days? you said it didnt matter. and? i dont matter, what am i supposed to do, ignore myself? gemma, im not ignoring it. just tell me what happened at the party. alright fine. i was late. now im in a bad mood because i ran away from the guy who kissed me. s-somebody kissed you? did someone kiss you? yes. neither of us said anything the rest of the ride to his house.

once we arrived, noah unlocked the front door and held it open for me. thanks. of course. he leads me towards his room and opens the door. his room is actually cleaner than it is on facetime, which is hard to believe, but it is. he goes into his closet and pulls out a hoodie and sweatpants. h-here. he nervously extends his arm with the clothes. i take them and head towards the bathroom. i slip the hoodie on. it smells good, like cinnamon. when i come out, noahs lying in his bed, scrolling through the tv guide. i walk over, and my eyes spot a list scribbled on a piece of notebook paper. whats that? the list? yeah. actually, the girl who i kissed dissapeared too. i made a list of the things i remember. odd. i did the same thing. my eyes scan the list.
1. cherry chapstick
2. shorter than me
3. medium hair
4. tasted like strawberry

     i clear my thoat. so, whats up? what do you mean, 'whats up?' he does air quotes. i dunno. suddenly he moves over in his bed. i get closer to the bed and sit on it. what movie do you wanna watch? what movie do you wanna watch? not sure.

the next thing i know, we're watching 'The New Mutants', and im laying in noahs bed. then he does something weird, he reaches out his arm and pulls me closer. he whispers, is this okay? i dont say anything and lay my head on his chest. my hand is in his hair, like its been for the past hour or so. the credits roll, and he turns off the tv. when he gets back into bed, he doesnt even hesitate. his arms imediately wrap around my body, his head resting on my chin. you do know that ill always be here for you, right? yes noah, i know. i think the kiss will change us. you do? my head shifts, so i can almost see him. well, yeah. what if we really like it? then what? i dont know. me neither. look, i care about you, a kiss wont ruin our friendship. then he mumbles, what if dont want to be friends anymore. confused, i ask, you dont want to be friends anymore? no, i- but he doesnt continue.

soon enough i had forgotten about the guy at millies party. i started to fall asleep, but then noah starts talking. some part of me wanted it to be you. i guess i dont want to be friends anymore. i want to be more. fuck everything. i just- i just dont want to lose you. i know how to be friends, but what if i fuck it all up? then thats it i guess. then youre gone. i cant lose you. nothing would be the same. you always say how much i help you, but that doesnt even compare with what you do to me, ruby. you make me feel things i didnt even know were possible. i know youre asleep, but i like you ruby, more than a friend. he sighs. it doesnt matter though, since you dont feel the same.

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AUTHORS NOTE: dont worry, gemmas confession is coming soon, she just has to realize a few things first.

word count: 1359