The Misblown Wind

CHAPTER 5 - Arising ambivalence

"Well, guys, I want to tell you all something." Instantly, I could discern something worrying from Jas's tone.

"I thought of leaving California and decided to stay with Aunt Katherine."

"What?" I shrieked, totally spoiling the ambience of the restaurant.

The waiter approached our table, asking if everything was okay. I didn't care to give him a look. He waited for a while and left as soon as he smelled the tension in the air.

"But why, Jas?" I was deeply entangled in the equilibrium between anxiety and distress.

"It's really hard to manage here on my own." He was just staring at his hands as he wrung them restlessly. I gasped since I didn't anticipate this. As he recognized our reaction, he muttered, "For the transition of my mind, precisely."

"Oh, come on, man!" Joe sighed.

"You all knew already how tough it was for me to hold on here. I need a break." His brows started furrowing as he struggled to make us understand.

"Look, Jas!", Larry took Jas's hand and locked it within his, asking, "Are you sure you'll be fine there?"

"I can't conceive how it'll be there. Yet I feel that leaving this place will not be a regrettable option."

The waiter again interrupted us, asking, "Do you need anything more?" He felt awkward coming to us again.

Oops. kind of messing with the aura of the place. My face shrank as I realized it.

"Nope. Get us the check, please." Larry answered him.

"But you've already applied to UC Berkeley. You dreamt of studying there, right?" Clara broke the silence that conquered us shortly.

"It was my dream once, Clara. Not now. Not after everything fell into an erroneous spot."

Both of our aspirations are to join UC Berkeley. But he backpedalled at the very moment.

"Argh! How are you saying that you'll be fine there without us?" I couldn't withstand his justifications.

"Jeez, El! However, eventually we'll all shift away from pursuing our higher studies, right?"

I stayed put.

"El, please. Try to perceive what I'm saying. It's not that I'm isolating myself from you all. It's just that I need a change." I merely bobbed my head in affirmation. I didn't want to argue with him anymore since he had already made up his mind.

Absolute stillness greeted our vicinity. None of us uttered a word until the waiter greeted us back with the check. He was much relieved as we paid and left the restaurant without further quarrels.

"He should thank me for not breaking the furniture when I was anxious," I mumbled as we came out.

We all left with a formal bye-bye. I just waved my hands at Jas as I started making a move.

All the way back, I found myself still wrapped in a nagging negative feeling. "Is it good for Jas to leave here?" I couldn't quickly fix it.

I got myself so latched on to my thoughts that I totally forgot to give Larry a look. He was also in a state of shock and dejection. We both pedaled all the way in absolute silence.

As I got into the house, my mom came towards me, exclaiming, "Hey, there you are! So how was the movie time, sweetie?"

"Uh-uh, let's not talk about that now, mom." I said as reclined on the sofa tiredly.

"Is anything wrong, honey?" She sat near me, caressing my forehead worryingly. She smelled like medicine. Earlier, I had to spew out this odor. But now I am acquainted with it. If she is a doctor above all, then what will she smell like other than medicines?