The Misblown Wind

CHAPTER 10 - A walk in my shoes

To pour my heart out to someone who'll never judge me, to someone who hears it without shuttering their eardrum, to someone who will bob their head in averment for at least a while, though they know what I'm blabbering is wrong or worthless, is like enjoying the warmth of enchanting sunlight in winter.

I do have my days of tranquil rainfall and also my days of bleak, lifeless arid desert. I need a person near me at the end of all these days with whom I can enfold myself in my arms and snivel my heart loudly. I want to enshroud my black days within them and have a great start again the next morning with either a gleeful or pseudo-smile.

And finally, I'm so lucky that I have someone who fits all these criteria. And that's my diary: 'A walk in my shoes'.

If someone ever had my diary tragically, and if fatally they opened it, I am sure they'll end up with a psychiatrist. Every day of my diary holds every version of me. One day I'll be floating in seventh heaven, and the very next day I'll be drowning in dirty sewage. And exclusively on some days, I'll be euphoric in the first line and cursing my existence in the last line. No wonder someone ended up judging me for having a dissociative identity disorder.

Until last week, I was living a placid life, watching Netflix, and relaxing my mind. But one so-called humdrum night took my life into some bottomless, darker cave. I wish I could get some vivid splashes of light in.

I took the 9th of August's page and started writing about my last day in Santa Monica.

This is no longer about the day but about winding up the memories of all my life that this place holds. This day deserves to be framed with every little thing I acquired here. So many Halloween nights, homecoming days, and Thanksgiving days were buried in this place. Many birthday parties, and the expected gifts and surprises, were wrapped up here. This town has seen the best and worst of this young lass, but never gave up on her, at least once. To leave the town where I was born and had my childhood days, where I got my best pals, where I roamed carelessly in the hope that all those dry leaves on the roadside or the walls of the streets would protect me like they always did, is hell. It's like leaving my mom behind somewhere where she fears being left alone. It's never that easy. They say life will become hard at times, from which we barely sustain. And I'd seen that for real in Jas's case. But life wasn't that hard on me. Maybe it'll. But until now, it wasn't. It may have taken my best friend away, and it may have taken me away from my hometown and my friends tomorrow, but it can't take away the memories I hold in my heart. It can never! Kudos for the last night in my safe haven! I love you, Santa Monica, for everything you've surprised me with!

I ended it not because I had nothing more to say but because the page was over. I never wish to brag about it on the next day's page, since I never want my present despair or gaiety to overtake the next day. And besides, I want to have a new jump-start for every new day!

I quickly glanced through every page of this year so far. It was indeed a not-so-cruel year until now. With the hope that the new place might bring new joy, I closed my diary. I locked it safely, since I never want someone to stand in a queue waiting to meet the city's best psychiatrist.

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"Oh my god! Where did you keep my books, El? I'm tired of searching for it." My mom bawled down the stairs as she was packing things.

"Even Jas in New York can hear you." I spoke a little bit inaudibly in the hope my mom couldn't hear it. "I stuffed all your story books in a box with 'You're dead if you touch me' written on the box's top, mom."

"Nah. I asked about my medical books. By the way, what a catchy title you left for my books." She squicked.

I wondered why she cared so much for her books even after graduating as a cardiologist. Actually, I ought to be so keen about my books and stuff, but in fact, I didn't even know which trash box held all my books until now.