The kiss was just a smack. Shua's lips stayed on Han's lips for only two seconds. Shua quickly distanced himself as he felt that it was a mistake. Both of them stared with each other for a while before Shua started talking.
"I'm sorry." He uttered. For Han, the alcohol immediately left his system as soon as Shua's lips touched his. It only lasted for two seconds but Shua's soft lips remained. He can't get it out of his damn mind. His head throbbed in pain for thinking what the kiss was about.
Why did he kiss me? Does he like me? What was that kiss? Was it because of the alcohol?
Thousands of questions kept rushing on his mind but what stood up the most was the heavy feeling he felt on his chest as soon as he heard Shua apologized.
Did he apologize because it was a mistake? Kissing me was a mistake?
Also, the thought of Shua liking him back was too much to handle. That was what he wanted, to be loved by someone he loves. But he can't ignore the danger it lies. Where would that take them? Does it always equate to happy endings?
"Listen, Han. I am sorry for ruining your day. Let's just talk tomorrow, okay? I know you're tired." Shua then kissed Han's forehead while Han was just spacing out.
"Get out." Han said while he buried his face into the pillow and covered himself with the comforter. Shua just stared at Han for a while before going out. Han really felt embarrassed for liking it when Shua just apologized for it.
As soon as Shua entered his room, he saw Hoshi and Seokmin still talking but stopped midway when they saw Shua.
"Dokyeom, you can go back to your room now." Shua's cold voice was really evident. He then went to the bathroom. He punched the wall out of frustration and anger he felt towards himself. Shua hated himself for being selfish and the fact that he now knows that Han hates him after what he did.
"What's wrong with me? I hate myself for wanting more."
------
When the morning came, Han's eyes were quite puffy and he was already not in the mood. He even forgot that today was still his birthday. When Seokmin saw him, he was immediately worried and talked to Han.
"Hey, what happened?" Seokmin asked while guiding Han to sit on his bed.
"Is this about Joshua? Do you want to talk about it?" What Seokmin said made Han's eyes widen.
Does he know? The way he asked was straight to the point as if he knows something.
Han just nodded. He really needed someone to talk to right now about the situation he has been in.
"So, tell me. What happened?" Seokmin started.
"I don't know why he said sorry after kissing me? What the fuck was that?" Han started out with a strong curse.
"You know, hyung. Both of you have been really obvious for quite a while now. I don't know what's holding you two back when you both clearly like each other." Han cannot believe what he's hearing right now.
"Why would you say that? He likes me?"
"I can't stress out how I want to punch the two of you right now. I even offered to sleep with Hoshi yesterday in hopes that you two would already sort things out but I got this? You two are unbelievable." You can really feel the frustration on Seokmin's voice.
"Are you being sulky just because he said sorry after kissing you? Do you even know the reason?" Seokmin asked out of frustration.
"He said he'll explain today--" Before Han could finish talking, Seokmin cut him off.
"See? I don't understand why would you want to conclude things before hearing them out?"
"It's because I'm afraid that I'll just be disappointed." Han explained.
"Listen, hear him out first then decide if it's time to stop or not." Han was also taken aback. The word stop was too much of a weight to hear.
"Seokmin, what I'm afraid of is that, let's say, we have feelings for each other. Then what about it? Where would that take us? I can't risk having something when it also meant losing it."
------
Shua hasn't slept since he left Han's room. He really wanted to talk to Han right now but he can't find a perfect timing. He tried dialing his phone and for a couple of rings, Han answered it.
"Can I go to you right now? Are you in your room?" His voice when talking to Han was soft and calm.
Before answering Shua, Han breathed before answering. "Yes. I'm also hungry." Shua felt relieved hearing his answer. He thought that Han was extremely mad at him. He smiled and immediately went to the kitchen to find food.
Han heard three knocks before the door opened, revealing Shua who brought foods and strawberry milk since it's still early in the morning.
"Goodmorning, Han." Shua sheepishly smiled. There was somewhat an awkward tension between them but that didn't stop Shua from starting a conversation.
"Eat first before we talk." Shua commanded. Han didn't know that his body voluntarily moved according to its own.
"What about you?" Han asked in the middle of eating. He was distracted by Shua just watching him eat.
"I'm already full." Shua's eyebrow wriggled as he watched Han.
Wait, did he mean? After processing what Shua said, Han almost choked.
Is he flirting with me right now? Shua offered him a glass of water while laughing and Han just glared at him.
After eating, Shua initiated to talk first.
"Jeonghannie, I'm truly sorry about last night. It was selfish of me to kiss you right away without considering your feelings." He said while looking straight into Han's eyes. The way how Shua was straight to the point startled Han.
He really is serious, huh.
The atmosphere was really serious right now and as soon those words left Shua's mouth, Han's heart started beating faster. He was afraid of what he will say.
"Listen. I can't do this anymore, Han. I thought that ignoring what I felt would be the best way. But the more I ignore it, the stronger it becomes. I just wanna tell you right now that I love you. I'm so tired of fooling myself."
Han stared at him for a while. He was still processing what he just heard. All he knows is that he was really happy--beyond happy that words won't suffice what he was feeling. Along with the happiness he felt, also lies the pain. The pain of Shua liking him back.
Where would this take us? I couldn't risk ruining his life just because of what we felt. I don't want to be selfish.
"I'm sorry, Shua. But will you please stop?"
late update coz i was really busy with school. anyways, i hope you like this! xoxo
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Ruin Me || Jihan
Fanfiction"Was it just me who felt this all along? Or were you just afraid that what we feel would both consume us and ruin us together?" »every chapter is only short. »updates may depend on my mood. »contains foul words so read at your own risk.
