Neon Dreamers Review Shop

⭐️ ADORE YOU (J) ⭐️

Adore You by _awizardsway_

Cover & Title: The cover is okay, I've seen it a million times on other stories similar to yours so it doesn't really pop out. The same goes for the title, it's a common book title to have on an app filled with romance. Be unique!

Summary: Who is Leo King? Your summary recites a plot I feel like I've read before. Sell us on what makes your story different from the hundreds of other billionaire meets college student books. You also spend a paragraph describing Aiden and Mia, all you need is a brief introduction that is a sentence or two. It would be interesting if you described the odd way they met. You can make it your hook and use the classic. "What happens when..."

Your summary is long. I recommend making it more concise so potential readers will read it and demonstrate interest.

Characters: Aiden King and Mia Warren. I enjoy how Mia cares deeply for others, as shown by the scene with the older lady. I don't really like Aiden that much I feel his character is boring. Give him some interesting quirks and more lively character traits. I did not think it was realistic for Mia to jump out of her car and run across the street to help a lady on the street. I can imagine Aiden was going to help her up but Mia didn't give him a chance. I understand if the woman might have been down for a long time but she wasn't. I also found it weird that once she ran up to them she completely dismissed the older woman, so focused on Aiden. Back to Mia. I understand you want to make her this sassy, badass character but often she just sounds like a child. It's possible to read about badass women but I think the execution could be better for this book. A character that I like that is snarky is Celaena Sardothien she is from the Throne of Glass series and she is written well.

Plot: Your plot is fine, I just wish you implemented a subplot or a different take on the trope to make your story stand out and differ from the rest. Maybe the woman is the billionaire, there are so many possibilities.

Writing: Your first couple of chapters were hard to get through because they were long and made almost entirely of info dumps. The first chapter describes Aiden's apartment and his background. You should only reveal information when it's relevant to the current situation. The part when Mia goes on about her friends can be rectified if you gave a quick sentence about the friend instead of going into the entire back story. You can share character information in later chapters. If you put all information in the first couple of chapters then you don't leave any intrigue to encourage readers to keep reading to find out more information. Every chapter should leave at least one question that will be answered later to keep readers reading to find out the answer to the question.

Here's an example: Say Aiden acts weird when someone brings up parachutes. The reader will wonder why Aiden is acting odd and continue reading on to find out why? Then a couple chapters later it's discovered Aiden's mom died because of a faulty parachute and therefore is afraid of them. I know this idea is far fetched but it's only an example. You can use this tactic to reveal major and minor characterization. It's reliable and versatile!

"He was probably 5'9 or 6'0 inches tall with a porcelain complexion, chiseled face. Brown hair which were gelled back, ocean blue eyes which were currently looking puzzled, a long nose, full pink lips and a well defined and built body was claded in suit keeping two buttons open leaving rest to your wild imagination."

When introduced to a new character you do not have to give us the full rundown on how they look. It breaks the story's flow. Just tell us his hair color and what he's wearing, you can elaborate later.

Grammar: You have a lot of spelling errors and your sentence structure is off. This can be easily rectified if you read your work out loud and you will find the mistakes. You also go in and out of the present and past tense. You can look at your paragraph above. The words in bold are in the past tense when the others are in the present. Just pick one.

Final thoughts: Your story has potential but needs a little bit of work. I highly suggest reading published works by authors, you will develop a sense of what you like and don't like when reading and then you can implement what you like in your writing. When you read a lot you also get better naturally, I 10/10 recommend. I know your story has an audience, just keep writing! <3