Haikyuu Cheater Kenma X Reader

Chapter 19

Author's POV

Thank you so much for the support >~<. You guys are so amazing.

Excuse the late update. I hope I said enough of the things I wanted to be said in this chapter and got the message through.

Third POV

Recounting your life so far and you've watched how much you have grown.

And you wonder if ever find love again.

But you know you'll be okay because the group of friends you have now is something you learnt to appreciate.

Your POV

"I'll think about it." You can only respond as you pass off his hand with a slight glare.

He looks at you, and the nods respectfully.

"Thank you for having me here." He says as he leaves, closing the door behind him.

You turn away from the door and crawl onto the couch.

You hug your chest to your knees.

If I screamed for you not to leave me, would you leave me anyway?

Of course he would. Of course.

You don't want to grow up and revel in the fact you don't need Kenma. You don't want to leave so soon.

Even if he's already left?

And even if you did give this whole thing of leaving a chance would it even be worth it? It have you anxiety of sorts and the lost of problems made your mind empty and heart afraid.

You looked up when you heard a ding from your phone.

You turn it over to see the light and a notification from G/n/3.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:01
Friday
Are you okay?

[Y/n's Text]
11:01
Friday
Yeah.

You reply back, and look away from your phone.

This new chance at happiness isn't even worth it.

But what about trying something new?

It won't be worth it.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:05
Friday
I heard that B/n/2 talked to you about something. I can only imagine what it's about but I'd like to hear from you. If you don't mind.

[Y/n's Text]
11:05
Friday
I don't mind. He talked to me about having me practice under him... for games. It sounds silly actually explaining but he seemed serious about it.

You were slightly embarrassed about phrasing it like that but it wasn't like there was any other way to do you put your phone aside and decided to clean up.

When returning after your clean up you check your phone again.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:21
Friday
You're probably asleep by now and that's fine but not to be biased, B/n/2 gives a great opportunity and knowing you for only a bit, I want to see you succeed.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:22
Friday
Give it a good thought. If you have any troubles, I'm here!

You will give it a good thought. Inhaling deeply and exhaling lowly, you begin to think what sort of good could come out from taking this opportunity.

Are you ready to commit again? It didn't have to be a relationship but instead your time which you could use to focus more on your studies.

You're scared to be honest. Fear ridden into your body in what can go wrong. This whole situation could be a flop, and all the time you used to commit would be in vain. All for nothing.

You can't even hold a study regimen, how can you even hold onto a opportunity that would technically promise you a good future if you did well.

It's all in your pride you decide. You can't do this—or anything for the matter—because of your pride. You can't focus on studying, you can't discipline yourself properly, you can't even go to sleep on time.

How could ever. Possibly imagine a better future for yourself.

You do take the opportunity to text to G/n/3 about your issues. Your self doubts.

[Y/n's Text]
11:37
Friday
I am troubled. In the end, what if this never worked out? And I'm still the unsuccessful, unhappy and sad person I am today?

You send a string of texts after that.

[Y/n's Text]
11:38
Friday
I can't hold myself to anything. I can't ever stop comparing myself. I don't even know if the time I use for B/n/2 is worth it.

[Y/n's Text]
11:38
Friday
I want to be better. I really do. But sometimes it's hard and changing overnight is impossible. I want to be a better person. I want to be happy. I do.

You crave happiness. The happiness you used to get from Kenma.

[Y/n's Text]
11:39
Friday
The future seems so dark and trying so hard and not being able to be happy in the end seems worthless and it scares me.

What if you just weren't meant for happiness? You want to be happy. You really do. But sometimes you just mess everything up.

[Y/n's Text]
11:39
Friday
Maybe it's because I'm not trying hard enough? I don't know why. I'm sorry. The things I say might be worthless to you.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:40
Friday
No. It's okay.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:40
Friday
It's okay to be scared. Y'know? Nobody knows what their future is. Don't be scared of what could happen instead of what you can make happen. Success is a road you need to work hard for and that can we scary. Commitment is an issue for everyone too.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:41
Friday
In your case it seems to be that your undisciplined. But that's okay. Nowadays everyone is. And that's fine. It plays along with your commitment issues. After all if you didn't have them, then we wouldn't be having this conversation in the first place.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:43
Friday
This is something you need to decide on wether you want or not. You're scared of having everything just be a big fail in the end, then you make sure it's not a failure. You make sure you succeed. This a beg step for you, and it's okay if your a little bit afraid. Taking responsibility for your actions to make sure you do well is a lot of work in itself with the self discipline and sometimes if your happy being where your are now, then you can stay there.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:44
Friday
Y/n, I know you aren't happy where you are right now. Make your own happiness. Find it with other people, find it in yourself. There's so much more to life than just being afraid and scared to commit to a chance that might not flourish.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:44
Friday
I can't and won't say that everything will be okay because I don't know if it will. All I can say is, if you want better, you have to work for it. Hard work takes time and energy, and it's something you have to be ready for before you can actually do it.

[G/n/3's Text]
11:45
Friday
Is that all? Do you need to rant some more?

You were satisfied with this. Maybe you didn't get to rant enough earlier but with the words she had told you, this was enough.

[Y/n's Text]
11:45
Friday
No. I'm fine. Thanks.