Cottage on the Hill (MxMxMxMxM)

Chapter Ten

4:47am, Monday October 19th

I woke up slowly, finding myself on the edge of the bed. I blinked and grabbed my phone, peering at the screen. It's very early. 2 hours before any of them will be awake. Maybe I can have some me-timebefore they wake up.

I rolled out of James' arms and padded across the floor, pushing my hair off my forehead and heading downstairs as quietly as I could manage.

I used to spend this week alone in my apartment, too scared to go out in case something bad happened and I lost my mind in my fragile state. I've neverspent it with anyone else. Not a friend, nor a colleague. Today is hard, but tomorrow is harder.

I found my blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I don't think I've thanked Ollie enough for this. I loveit. There is no other blanket in the house that makes me feel as calm as this one does. Not even the really fluffy one that Casper brought home at the start of the year, right after I'd moved in. I don't remember where he got it from, but he did, and it's great. But not as great as my weighted blanket.

I went into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on before looking out of the window through the dark to the duck pen. They must still be asleep. I should go feed them once my drink is made, and I can let them out once it's light.

I poured the hot water over the chocolate powder, not feeling like the heaviness of milk this morning. I already feel sick, I don't want it to upset my tummy more. I yawned and leant on the bench, watching the steady morning light start to creep up into the sky, making it an odd blue-grey that doesn't look real.

I remember feeling this sick on the day after the accident. I felt much, much worseon the day of the accident, but I don't remember that as much. Once the car had stopped and everything went still, I was dragged from the car. I doremember screaming about my sister – about Cora.

The hands wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me out. I screamed. My head is pounding. Which way is up? Everything is really bright. "No, no! Cora! You have to get Cora!" I yelled, my throat hoarse from the smoke that had filled the car.

The man holding me said something but I wasn't listening. My head hurts. My ribs are hurting too. The smoke is hurting my eyes.

"Please! She's in the car, you have to get Cora!"

"It's alright, Buddy. Your sister is safe," someone said. Next thing a bright light was shining in my eyes and I was being lifted onto a bed. A sort of bed on wheels. When did the ambulances get here?

The paramedic shouted something and I put my hands over my ears. They're bloody. My hands are bloody? No, my ears are bloody. The paramedic was looking in my ears now. Where is Cora?

I trembledslightly, putting my hot chocolate down. Once they put me in the ambulance I blacked out from shock, or a sedative. My social worker said I refused to be still until I knew Cora was safe, so they had to sedate me. I didn't hurt myself, only bruises. Cora wasn't hurt either, thank god. She had been sitting behind mum as well. I wonder if she remembersthat? Surely, not?

The next day was worse. We were calmer. Kind of quiet, even though so manypeople wanted to talk to us. Separately, together, with the social worker, without the social worker, with a therapist, with a nurse, or a doctor. So manyconversations.That's what they called them. Conversations.They wanted to know what we remembered, and what had happened. The police officers wanted to know if they had been arguing, they wanted to know if they were on their phones.

They weren't. A driver hadn't tied his load down properly and a drunk driver had swerved in front of him. He slammed on the breaks, so did we. But one of his steel beams slid off the back of the truck at the same time as huge car ran up our cars bumper, slamming us forward. Another car going the other way spun us and my step-dad was thrown into a concrete wall. My mother was pushed into the right position for the metal beam to go rightthroughherchest.