They Say Life Is A Gift, But Is It Really?//Book One

5. 𝓑𝓾𝓵𝓵𝔂

Chapter Five

Bullys
Everyone encounters one in there life right?
Well I guess unless you are the bully
Can bullies be bullied?
I guess so
People do always say that most bullies have hard lives too

If that's true why do they gotta take it out on me?
I'm not causing their problems
And don't I already got enough problems of my own?

Some say I'm asking for it
That the whole anorexic thing is just an attention game
Trust me if I wanted attention I would find a way that still lets me enjoy food

I used to love chocolate yogurt or chocolate ice cream
Now the thought of anything with that much calories makes me sick
Funny how much time changes things

When I was little I had rarely been to a hospital
now I'm on a first name basis with most of the nurses
I used to be able to eat all day
Now I'm being force fed through a tube

Anyways enough of the whining

"Are you gonna answer me Ethy or are you just a wimp?" "No I'm just not bothered to waste my time on an uneducated mess" I responded "I'm a mess huh you can't even eat, and guess what? you still look fat, why don't you go back to the barn piggy" okay that hurt, am I really that fat?, I thought I was getting better?, it's this stupid tube isn't it?, it's making me fat.

Tears started to well up in my eye's when him and his friends started making pig noises while sticking out their stomachs and laughing.

"Hey why don't you leave him alone Silas he's done nothing to you?!" Sawyer said seeing that I was getting upset "Ha yeah right why would we leave him alone?, he wanted this, he wants the attention right piggy?" I was starting to have a panic attack I couldn't handle this "That's it you mess with him, you mess with me" Kyle stood cracking his knuckles.

I'll spare you the gory details but long story short Kyle broke two of Silas' ribs and got suspended for the next 2 days, I personally didn't witness the fight as I had ran to the bathroom in tears.

I ripped the tape off my face and grabbed the tube slowly pulling it out, it hurt but I didn't care, I then ran to the toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat, until I through up.

Eventually all that came out was bile and I was happy, I don't wanna get fatter, why does the doctor want me to be fat?, why does Alex want me to be fat?, it's my body and I shouldn't be forced to gain weight it not fair.

I was sobbing and struggling to breathe as I looked in the mirror, my cheek was red from ripping the tape off and my nose was bleeding from pulling the tube out to fast, but the worst thing was that I looked huge, Silas was wrong I don't look like a pig, I look like a fucking hippo, I'm disgusting, how can anybody stand to look at me?

After awhile Karter came into the bathroom and his face dropped when he saw the tube on the ground and tears streaming down my face as I looked in the mirror, he ran to meet and pulled me into a hug, his arms probably had to really stretch to even reach half way around me.

"Oh Ethan what have you done?"

Me and Karter left school early after that, when I got back I didn't want to talk to anyone, I wanted to be alone so I went to the spare room that we use to get newcomers used to the place, I locked the door and looked around, there was a small bed with white covers, a nightstand, a chest of drawers, a small desk, a dark gray rug, a mirror, a small bathroom attached and a guitar in the corner.

I sat on the bed tears still coating my face, I lifted my shirt and looked at the wall wear the mirror hung, I've gained so much weight, stupid tube, stupid food, stupid doctors, stupid life.

I walked up to the mirror looking at it in pure disgust, my fist raised and soon the glass was shattered and my fist bloody, I stayed quite for a few minutes to see if anyone heard but after not hearing a thing I picked up one of the shards, it looked so much more appealing now the it was distorted.

I have had a cutting problem since I was 9 but I haven't cut in about a year since I was on recovery watch but I can't take it anymore, I need the realise.

I held the shard to my wrist which already have white scars covering them, I dragged it across adding some pressure until red liquid started to leak out.

When I was done red lines covered both my arms and thighs, I counted about 37 cuts altogether.

"Ethan open up!" I heard through the door, I cleaned and bandaged my wounds putting my jeans and hoodie back on, of course I wore a white hoodie today.

"What do you want Alex?" I yelled back "I just wanna talk come on, please Eth?" "No you're gonna make me fat, it's your fault you made look like a pig, you, Karter and that stupid doctor, just leave me alone" I yelled before collapsing from blood loss, the last thing I remember is Alex yelling.

"ETHAN, ETH WHAT WAS THAT NOISE, ETHAN!!!???"