They Say Life Is A Gift, But Is It Really?//Book One

6. 𝓛𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓸𝓻 𝓓𝓲𝓮

Chapter Six

back at the hospital at least I'm 95% sure I'm in a hospital
it reeks of sanitiser and anti bacterial sprays

you're probably wondering why i don't know where I am?
well ever since my eyes closed in the spare room I can't seem to open them

I wonder if I'm dead?
maybe on the verge of death?
or maybe I'm in hell I mean I do hate hospitals so it would make sense

do I want to be dead?
maybe I don't know
maybe deep down I do but I don't want to admit it

I hope I didn't give Alex a heart attack he can't die
see he's important he takes care of lots of kids plus his own daughter and wife

he'd be missed

unlike me
yes I've made up my mind
I dont wanna live
but what if I'm scared to die?

while laying in the dark I heard a voice start to talk to me

"come on Eth you need to fight this we need you I need you, you know as well as I do I know what mental illness is like but this isn't the answer please you know that deep down just like you know you're not fat, you're not ugly, you're not unwanted you mean so much to us, you may not have a family but you have me, Emily, Mia, Mya, Kameron, Kyle, Karter, Sawyer, even the others Ethan we are your family and you are ours and we all need you, we need your dumb pranks, we need your funny faces, we need your amazing drum and guitar playing, we need your smiles, we need you please Eth we'll figure this out i promise just wake up" Alex finished i could hear him cry

I made Alex cry?
I never wanted that
no!

theyre supposed to be happy
the burdens gone
no more breakdowns
no more medical expenses
no more me

was I wrong?
did I just make a bad mistake?
maybe
maybe not

I soon heard another voice "I'm sorry Mr Alexander but if he doesn't show any signs of consciousness in the next 3 days we're going to have to unplug the life support"

3 days!, how long have I been out?, it couldn't have been long, but then again why would the doctor give up so early?, maybe he is trying to help me break free from this world?, but what about Alex?

He sounds so sad, depressed, broken, I never ever wanted to hurt him he's done so much for me

Was I being selfish in wanting to die?
I thought it would benefit everyone
but apparently not, maybe I can stay a little longer?, but I'm tired

I'm so tired of fighting
So tired of constant hospital visits
Of the machines doing everything for me

First it was the tube feeding me and now it's this life support

I'm not breathing
I'm simply laying unconscious
While my chest raises up and down
Oxygen being forced into my lungs
And Carbon dioxide forced out

I'm so close to getting what I wanted
One pull of a plug and I'm gone
Am I really even alive?

How can you live with your eyes glued shut?
Is this the world of a blind person?
No

Blind people can still move
They can still talk
They can still open their eyes
Even if it's useless

Me on the other hand?
All I can do is lay here
Is that all dead people do?
Is there no heaven or rebirth?

Do they just lie in the wooden box?
Listening to the world they left behind
If so I don't want that

I still have so much to do
I want to travel
I want to find love
I want to taste all the baskin robin flavours

I want to experience everything
So why am I trying to cut it short?
Because of my lack of parents?
Because of some bullying?
Because of a few mental disorders?

Those are all things I can get past
I know my choice now
I'm going to get better!
I'm going to fight!
I'm going to live!

If not for me than for Alex
For Emily
For my future lover
For my future adoptive parents
For Karter
For all my friends
No
For my family

I put all the energy I have into slightly opening my eyes so you could just see slits of green and I spoke for the first time in god knows how long

"Alex"