Let's Fix that Stutter
"I know I'm crazy sometimes, but I am pretty sure that my boss is Auntie Tonette, and yet here I see the long face of Jerry who's nothing but a cherry?" I accusingly asked Auntie. "What frickin' wizardry is this?"
Kanina pa kasi siya nakanguso, at habang nagtatanggal siya ng tinik sa tangkay ng bulaklak ay naiinis siyang bumubulong ng salita. I got scared for a second here, to be honest. She might be chanting some kind of witch spell or something. I couldn't be so sure.
And of course, Auntie being herself, didn't respond.
"Was it because Uncle Benj left with a woman friend a while ago?" I smiled goofily and nudged the jealous body of enchanting Antonette.
"Hindi," she finally replied.
Oh, that very well confirmed it.
Umakto ako na napaisip, hinaplos ko pa ang baba ko gamit ang hintuturo at hinlalaki. "Like love, jealousy is also for all ages, huh?"
"Hindi ako nagseselos, Snooki, matanda na ako at walang panahong isipin ang mga ganyang bagay," masungit niyang sagot.
Iyan ang sabi niya, pero tingnan mo nga naman at rumarahas ang pagtatanggal niya ng tinik sa tangkay. I wince every time her paring knife scrapes out the thorn soh-so ruthlessly. It's so matalas it can break the laws of physics and slit the thin air.
Mother, I'm scared! Jealous women are scary as shit.
"Ano ka ba, Auntie, ilang ligo po ang angat mo ro'n, ano! She may be clothed with luxurious articles, but you're ten times mabangodahil hindi lang basta-basta ang liniment oil mo. It's for sure."
Umirap si Auntie pero umangat ang gilid ng labi niya. "Mabango nga 'yong mga gamit kong oils."
"Atta girl!" I beamed at her.
Tinaas ko ang kamay ko para sana sa high-five pero binaba ko lang agad ulit. Ang tulis kaya ng kutsilyong hawak ni Auntie!
"Kumusta na pala si Archer?"
My eyes automatically looked at the storefront. I thought he was there. Lunch time na kasi, and by his usual schedule, he should be here by now.
Eh, wala. So, hopia ka ngayon, Snooki!
"Yesterday, okay na po siya. I think he went back to work today," sabi ko. "Pero ipagluluto ko pa rin siya ng dinner mamaya, Auntie, kaya sibat po uli ako nang maaga, ha?"
Her eyes rolled to the side to give me a brief look. Alam ko na 'yan, aakusahan na naman ako niyan ni Auntie.
"Alam ba niya? Baka mamaya ay mang-trespass ka ng apartment, ha."
See? See?!
"Grabe ka po talaga, Auntie! Puso lang ni Archer ang ite-trespass ko, 'di naman po bahay!"
Also, baka mamaya 'pag pumasok ako nang biglaan sa aparment niya ay kung anong makita ko roon, ano! Syempre kakabahan ako no'n... kasi baka mamaya, wala akong dalang kanin 'pag nagkataon. Sayang.
Pinisil ni Auntie ang namumuo kong bilbil dahil sa postura kaya't nagising ako.
"Ano na naman 'yang iniisip mong bata ka?" Matalim niya akong tiningnan.
ВЫ ЧИТАЕТЕ
Something That Glitters
ЮморSet in a flower shop in Manhattan, New York City, Snooki takes aim in finally seeking for thrills in a new place that she couldn't find in Manila. Something she thought would quicken her heartbeat, apart from her caffeine intake. One blooming day, s...
