She wanted to die.
He wanted to live.
•••
A hand grabbed onto my wrist, yanking me back just as the train rushed past, before I'd even had time to comprehend whether or not I'd carry out the action. I stumbled back into the person's chest, my hear...
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I was the type to choose to suffer in silence.
I'd reached a level of mental fatigue that convinced me I was completely alone - so I learned to become comfortable with my own company. I'd been there for myself through all my darkest moments, and I was all I needed.
Except truthfully, I wasn't.
No matter who you were or what you'd been through, deep down all you wanted was someone who would always be there for you – someone other than yourself that you could rely on.
And as much as I would deny it, a part of me craved the moments when Theo would read between my words and see the true sadness behind my poor attempts at feigning happiness. Some days all I wanted was for him to pull me into a hug and tell me that he knew I wasn't okay - but even when he did, it's not like I could tell him what was wrong.
Some things just couldn't be spoken out loud.
Some things were so complicated, dark and intertwined that voicing them aloud wouldn't even make full sense. Some dynamics were too convoluted, too intricate, to possibly unpick each seam tying the strings together to reveal the hidden mess beneath. Some things would just be forever withheld – simply because no one deserved to fight a battle that had already been lost.
So as I pulled Romeo's reluctant figure along the Millennium Bridge, with my curls whirling in the air behind me while he mumbled begrudgingly under his breath, I put aside our earlier conversation, willing myself not to mull over what I had let slip, or his lack of genuine reassurance to my words. Subconsciously, seeds of trust had been planted in mine and Romeo's friendship, and all I could do was hope that he'd stick around to watch them grow instead of uproot them before they grounded their fickle foundation.
"Cass, I don't like this," Romeo practically whined, his arm crushing mine as he gripped onto me like he would fall at any second, my laughter drowning out his heavy sigh that followed. "I really, really, really don't like this."
He was dragging his feet along the ground as I lugged him along the Millennium Bridge, the echo of our footsteps mixing in with my laughter at his irrational fright. Once our new location had fully sunk in, I pulled him along the bridge before he'd even had a chance to decline, my initially quick pace slowing down drastically once Romeo realised I was taking us right to the centre. I understood that he was scared of heights, but there was no chance we could fall while standing on this sturdy bridge that had been built for the purpose of people being able to cross over the river safely.
Finally reaching the middle of the bridge, the two of us were illuminated by the blue glow of lights streaming along the bottom from panels on either side of us, the lights reflecting onto the grand structure itself. Above the River Thames, it was almost silent except for the sound of the steady ripples of waves that lapped beneath us. The moonlight was reflected in the water, shaking in the gentle flow of the river to depict a breath-taking sight as the stars above the city skyline sparkled in it's watery reflection.
