Dive: A TharnType Story

20

Tharn could feel how heavy his head was when he finally drifted into consciousness. He cursed himself for drinking with abandon. This hangover was going to be a bitch. He brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes. His head felt like it weighed a tonne and his stomach was churning. 

He slowly opened his eyes, immediately feeling the piercing pain in his head when the light hit his irises. He squinted his eyes into the light and came face to face with the familiar ceiling of his room. He wondered how he got home. He mentally slapped himself for blacking out once again. He felt like he might have a real problem because this was not the first time something like this had happened. He suddenly remembered Type. Panic started rising in his chest when he realised the last thing he recalled was Type dancing with the guy he was talking to. After that, everything was a blank in his mind. 

He turned his head sideways and his heart leapt to his throat. Someone was lying next to him, the back of their head sticking out of the covers. He felt his hands and feet go cold, the panic in his chest intensifying. 

He remembered small flashes of dancing with some guy the night before and he knew he fucked up. Big time. This was the first time he stepped into that bar in years and he came back with the first guy he met. He felt the urge to slap himself really hard for not only abandoning Type, but also for bringing someone home without even remembering who they were. He didn't even get his name. He had no idea what he even looked like. His memory of him was extremely blurry. The only memory that started flashing in his mind was of hands scratching and squeezing his naked back the night before. He shook his head to discard that memory. He didn't want to remember any more than that for his own sanity. 

He carefully slid out of bed and looked down to see two used condoms on the floor next to his boxers. He put his head in his hands not just because of the headache the hangover was causing him, but also coming to terms with the frustration of what he had just done. Twice, by the looks of it. 

He picked up his boxers and quickly put them on. He struggled to push himself out of bed and turned to look at the sleeping boy in his bed. Fear started to take hold of his mind when the prospect of having the awkward talk with the guy he didn't remember dawned on him, making him cringe internally. He didn't even know what he looked like. He decided to at least get a peek at his face, thinking it might trigger his memory. He tiptoed to the side of the bed the boy was facing. 

As soon as his face came into view, the colour drained from his face. Sleeping peacefully with his mouth slightly hanging open was the person Tharn was the most worried for. Type. 

He had slept with Type. 

Again!

His brain started to do mental gymnastics to recall any part of the night which could have led them to this point and came up absolutely empty. Type was not supposed to be in his bed. Type was talking to some other guy all night. The last thing he remembered was Type dancing with that same guy, while he was dancing with the faceless, nameless guy, who was definitely not Type. He couldn't figure out how that chain of events had led to Type, sleeping on his bed currently.

He felt anxiety start to take form in the pit of his stomach because, the last time this happened, Type left him. He couldn't help but think that if he were to find out that they had slept with each other again, he might leave him again. He knew it was irrational because the last time Type did that was because of his trauma being triggered. Type had dealt with all of that and come out the other side, but he couldn't help but feel abject fear at even the smallest chance that Type might abandon him again because of them sleeping together, again. Tharn had a fleeting thought of hiding it from Type since he was still asleep. He wondered if maybe he could cover his tracks and conceal what happened the night before from Type. It made no rational sense since they had clearly done it twice and Type was definitely going to feel it whether he tells him or not, but his mind wasn't really in a rational place right then. He was losing his mind at the possibility of losing Type again. He didn't know if he could survive it this time around.