A Lot of Things

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You stared at the frame of his shoulders, barely visible in the dim light. No. He wasn't allowed to ignore you when you were right in front of him. You had been patient, so patient for two weeks. He wasn't going to make you sleep in his bed and then ignore your comfort. 


"I'm leaving," you announced in a small voice, and pushed the covers away. He didn't move as you pulled your jeans and shoes from the floor and crossed to the door. You glanced back at him one last time. He was completely still apart from the rising of his chest. You had to say something--you had to summarize your anger so that he would understand. "Kylo," you started as calmly as you could. "This isn't fair for me anymore. If you ever decide to figure out...these things that are difficult for you, I'll be there. I'll help you. But I'm not going to sit here and let you push me away. We've had this conversation. I'm not your emotional punching bag."


You slammed the door behind you and blinked away oncoming tears. You made it to the front door in large angry strides, and grabbed the metal handle, practically panting now from the adrenaline of snapping at him. Yet your legs remained planted. With an aching chest, you leaned your temple against the wood surface in front of you. Your grip on the handle loosened, and you stayed there, feeling your own breath ricochet warmth onto your face. You didn't know how much time you spent, frozen in silence, mind rambling. You couldn't help but wonder if this was the last time you'd ever be here, in this room, in this apartment, in this building. 


A door slammed behind you and you flinched, shoulders jumping, and turned towards the noise. Kylo was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, now wearing a hoodie and jeans. He looked surprised to see you. His phone was in one hand, his keys in the other. You blinked at each other for a moment, surprised that the other was there. 


You swallowed your surprise and glanced around the room like the furniture would be able to grant you some excuse as to why you were still standing in his living space. You couldn't think of one so you cleared your throat and motioned towards his hands. 


"Were you going somewhere?" you asked in a wavering voice. 


"Yes."


"Okay. I was just leaving."


"I was going to go after you," he said lowly.


He didn't move and neither did you. Both of your chests were caving deeply with anxious breath. He looked so startled, sleepy eyes and insanely messy hair. You licked your lips and returned his shocked stare. 


Finally, he stepped forward, moving to the kitchen counter, and placed his keys and phone down. He stared at the granite and shifted between his feet. Your heartbeat was rushing through your ears and you weren't sure if you should leave or not. His keys planted on the counter made you think he was announcing some form of surrender, so you stepped forward, placed your jeans and shoes onto the ground, and leaned your forearms against the granite. Kylo glanced up at you and you watched him nervously. His eyes returned to the surface in front of him and you followed his lead, shifting your gaze to the dark swirl of marble. 


Neither of you spoke for a long time. You wished you knew what he was thinking. You kept wondering if you should just leave. You had every intention to storm out of here, but your feet didn't seem to want to budge. After an eternity of silence, he spoke.

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