Five A.M.

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You were awake far earlier than him, and it was completely on purpose. 


You felt suffocated with anxiety, riddled with paranoia. He had been vulnerable. It was practically a miracle. You didn't feel like you were allowed to be proud of him, but you were. He had been brave. He had cooperated with your questions and prodding. He had listened to your words. And now, shivering on the balcony watching the sun peek through the skyline, you wondered if he was going to abandon you again. 


Five a.m. had poked you awake with raised eyebrows. The clock had glared at you. Get up. Be awake before he is, so you know he won't ignore you. Your mind couldn't resist the early morning's suggestion. Sleeping in would have meant waking up with his side of the bed empty. Only ruffled pillows and the scent of his cologne left behind to prove his existence at all. Waking up now, ridiculously early, was a sure way of seeing him before he was gone. Maybe, the sight of you would assure him everything was okay-- he didn't need to run and hide. 


You were thirty minutes deep into a spiral of terrifying thoughts, when you heard the faint shutting of the bedroom door. You skimmed your fingers across the top of the balcony rail, wondering if it would be best to let him notice you or to make yourself known first. You decided on the latter and crossed the cool tiles to the open balcony door. Kylo was in the kitchen, looking through a cabinet, when you stepped inside and closed the glass door behind you. He looked up at the noise, only half surprised at your presence. 


"Hey," you said shyly, padding across the living room to lean against the kitchen counter. 


He looked exhausted. His eyes were squinted and blinking as if they weren't working quite yet. His eyelids were slightly puffy, his lips swollen and pouty. His hair was a chaotic halo of sleep around his face and his cheeks were relaxed and rosy. It took everything in you to not drag him back to bed.


"Why are you awake?" he asked, pulling a coffee pod from the cabinet and popping it into the machine. His voice was deep and scratchy in his throat, utterly thick with sleep. 


"I just couldn't sleep," you explained quietly. 


You were scared of him pulling away, and yet you were the one being timid, preparing for the lash of his rejection. He blinked away the heaviness of his eyelids as the coffee filled the cup. You could sense his mind wandering and dozing. You tried not to stare too much, but it was tempting. He looked so pure, waiting for his coffee, spacing out from exhaustion. You glanced at the clock on the oven. 5:48.


"Do you always wake up this early?" you mumbled. 


Kylo nodded and pulled the mug from under the machine. "Everyday. Coffee?"


"Oh, uh, sure," you said, a flutter of hope in your chest. He reached the full mug in his hand toward you and you quickly raised your palms to him. "Oh, no, you drink that. I'll make my own." 


You moved before he could answer and pulled a pod from the cabinet, replacing it with his used one. Familiar enough with the organization of his dishes, you opened the cabinet filled with cups and scanned over the options.

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