IS IT TIME FOR ME TO GIVE UP?

49

Irene's POV

Seulgi and I were going to share a room since Ms. Jung informed us there were only four rooms available, meaning two people per bedroom. Of course, Jennie was with Lisa, Jisoo with Mina, and Bambam with his girlfriend.

After my conversation with Jennie, I retreated to our room. I felt like I was crashing over and over, but everything I told her was genuine. This was the heaviest feeling I'd experienced for the second time. I realized I had to give up and let go of my feelings. At least, I tried, right? Even if it was hard...

I tried to make her happy. I did. I somehow did. She laughed. We laughed. But still, her eyes told me it wasn't real. I'm not the person. It wasn't me.

NOT ME.

AGAIN, I TRIED.

One of the hardest things to do is watching the one you love, longing for someone else. What can I do? Since then, it's been Jennie. Her heart will keep beating for her, even after all the things Jennie did to her. She still loves her. I could feel it. I see it.

AGAIN, I TRIED.

I truly love her, so I gave up and let the person mend her broken pieces. Ridiculous, right? The person who destroyed her was the same person capable of rebuilding her.

My internal rants were interrupted when someone opened the door, and I heard footsteps approaching. Since my back was turned, I didn't know who it was.

"Hey," I recognized the soft voice behind me but didn't bother to turn around.

"Are you okay? Aren't you hungry? The children were looking for you..." her tone was soft and comforting.

I swallowed hard, not wanting to cry. "Not feeling well?" But I couldn't hold back my tears when she sat down next to me, stroking my hair gently with her fingers. "Bae Joohyun... What's wrong?" she called me with her most cautious voice.

I tried to speak, but it was hard. She shushed me. "If you can't, don't." And there, I quickly turned and let my body collapse into her arms, sobbing and wracking myself hard.

She silently enfolded me, helping me release the heaviness inside. Eventually, I withdrew from her embrace and deeply sighed.

"Why?" she asked warily, her eyes clouded with concern.

I dropped my head on her shoulder. "Seulgiyah... What would you do if you fell in love with a person who doesn't feel the same as you? I'm done doing everything to make her happy because that is what she deserves... but in the end, I've decided to let go. But look at me now... It hurts. It hurts so bad." I frowned after hearing her chuckle.

"Are we talking about Lisa?" I refused to say anything, even though I was quite shocked, thinking if I was that obvious in showing my affection towards Lisa. "Honestly, I know how it feels..." Seulgi spoke again. While we were talking, my head was still leaning on her shoulder, and I could feel her shoulder vibrate every time she spoke.

"What do you mean? You also like Lisa?" I felt her move, signaling that she made a short laugh.

"Silly! It's not that... What I mean is we're in the same place, loving someone who couldn't love us back," she clarified.

"Why did you tell me about this? I mean, we're not super close, but we're kinda quite close, like this," I said, using my index fingers to leave a small gap next to each other.

"It's a secret," she said playfully. I gave her a light smack on her arm. "Just like I said, I know the feeling, the exact feeling of being in one-sided love..." I just stared at her, listening.

I don't know why, but all of a sudden, her voice turned hoarse and unhappy, its tone so devastated.

"Well, that person I like... Oh, it's actually not just 'like.' I consider that person my 'love.' Sound cheesy? Forget it. What I'm trying to say is I love that person... like... A LOT." She emphasized the words 'a lot.'

Even if I couldn't see her face, I knew she was smiling while telling me those things.

"I met her way back in college," she started, but I suddenly realized we went to the same school, so I abruptly cut her off.

"We met at that time too. Maybe I know who that person is," I interjected curiously.

"Yeah, but... It's a secret." She repeated what she said earlier. She really didn't want to say the name.

"Then, why didn't you confess?"

"Let me ask you the same thing. Why did you give up without even confessing to Lisa?" I nearly choked on her sudden question.

"I was... afraid," I admitted barely in a whisper.

"So am I," she quickly replied. "One day, I just heard that 'the person I like' is in love with someone else. So, what's the use of confessing, right?"

"Is it still her until now?" She was silent for a second before speaking again, catching me off guard.

"It will remain her," she remarked softly.

I adjusted my seat to stare into her eyes.

"Yah, stop it... It seems like your heart hurts more than mine," I said.

She smiled weakly.

"Seulgiyah... Tell me who that stupid person is, and I'll smack his head hard!" I said. She moved out of bed, leaving me still sitting on it.

"She's a she, not a he," she said. I gasped and glanced up at her since she was standing in front of me.

"O-Oh, I-If so, then... I'm going to slap her instead! A hard one, or twice? Whatever, just tell me who she is!"

She just watched me, smiling. "Don't..." After a prolonged pause, she raised her hand and tucked my hair behind my ear, causing me to stiffen as if her eyes had something to convey that I couldn't understand.

"Don't hurt yourself," she added.

"I didn't say that—Wait, what?" I got confused all of a sudden by what she said. Am I...

Wait.

That person she is talking about...

Is me?

"Seulgi, what are you—" I was unable to continue what I was about to say when she tousled my hair and turned her back to head out. But before she could even twist the doorknob, I stopped her immediately, which she did.

"Tell me, is it me? That person, is it me?" Her body slowly turned around to face me again, and she hummed lightly, nodding her head. I really didn't know what to say next. I just bowed my head and looked downcast. "I—Sorry, I didn't—"

"Bae Joohyun," when I heard her calling my name, I lifted my gaze again as she said, "I didn't say those things just to make you feel bad. I said them because I want you to know that you deserve to hear them and..." She inhaled deeply first. "If Lisa can't love you... I will."

"I always will, Bae Joohyun."

My eyes warmed from her sincerity along with her flattering words. When I was about to say something, she abruptly cut me off by extending her palm out.

"You don't have to answer. I understand." She opened the door, giving me another smile over her shoulder. "Go to sleep now." And she left.

I felt a bit guilty, knowing that earlier, I told her how broken I am over Lisa while she was experiencing the same feeling towards me.