E M P T Y

20 seconds of courage

"20 seconds of courage," He whispered to himself. He took a deep breath and knock three times on the door. After that, he took a step back waiting for Cas to open the door.

---

Dean waited. He waited for his best friend to open the door and look at him with his sad blue eyes. He waited for him to open the door then shut it immediately when they made eye contact.

He waited to see the dark and depressing room that belonged to his broken friend. He waited because that's what family does.

Dean listened to the sound of Castiel's footsteps as he walked closer to the door. He listened to his feet drag on the floor occasionally hitting beer bottles on the way.

Cas stopped in front of the door. Dean could practically feel Cas holding his breath. He would give anything just to free Cas from...everything.

Cas took one step closer before opening the door. Cas stood staring at Dean and Dean did the same. Before Dean could do anything Cas started to close the door turning away from Dean with a sad yet blank look.

Dean lunged forward stopping the door with his foot. Cas looked at Dean, face not changing. "Dean," Cas said lightly yet at the same time disappointed.

The room was weirdly clean besides a few beer bottles on the floor. It was still dark and sad like he was afraid of the light.

"Cas, you can't live like this,"

"I'm not going to be the reason you don't have a family," Cas said walking away. "You are family," Dean said in a sad tone. 

"I've been alive for centuries and I have always been alone. The second I found "Family" I hurt people," Cas said putting air quotes around family and looking at Dean.

"Family is supposed to make you miserable," Dean said with a sad smile. "That's the point of family? To be miserable?" Castiel asked walking closer to Dean. 

"Yes, but they get over it. They find a way to get past it." Dean said hoping he was getting through to Cas. 

Cas stared into Dean's eyes, he felt his heart start to beat faster and the tiniest bit of happiness crept in. He felt the corners of his lips twitch up when he froze.

He heard The Empty words in his head and looked away from Dean remembering he can't let that happen. "Well, then we aren't family," Cas said his gaze returning to the Winchester.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked walking closer to Cas. They were now less than an arms-length apart. "I have never felt miserable, not one day in my life...when I'm around you."

Dean couldn't figure out what to say. He thought Cas would be gone forever. He was positive he lost the only best friend he ever had. Dean was going through his mind of everything he could say.

He found nothing, he just stared at Cas. Then it came to him. Dean reached into his pocket. He looked down at as hand as he pulled out the mix-tape. 

Dean looked up at Cas before extending his hand out giving him the tape. Cas looked at the tape before taking it from Dean. He looked at the tape reading the name and he smiled a little. 

He looked at Dean for a moment then hugged him. 

"I'm sorry," Cas said not letting go.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything. I got you into this mess and I will get you out...if its the last thing I do."

Dean pulled back from Cas and gave him one last sad smile. He patted his shoulder then started walking out of the room.

---

*3 and half days later*

Dean had just pulled up to the bunker. He was sitting in the impala when the door opened. 

He looked at the door as Sam came in. They both just sat there looking straight ahead. "So," Sam started as he looked at his hands in his lap. 

He wanted to say something about the broken window, but he decided against it. "He's ok..." Dean said looking at Sam's hands. "for now." he finished. 

"What happened?" Sam asked looking up at Dean. "We talked," Dean said before getting out of the Impala. "What does that mean? Is he coming back?"

Sam asked also getting out of the Impala following Dean. Dean stopped walking and raised his hands in slightly as he looked at Sam. "I don't know Sam." 

---

Dean had been sleeping the rest of the day after he got back from seeing Cas. He woke up around 3:30 pm and walked out to the kitchen. 

"Hey, Dean," Sam said as he sat at the kitchen table.  "Hey," Dean said sitting down with Sam. "How you been?" Sam asked putting his tablet down.

"Better," he said sipping a glass of water. "Water hu?" Sam asked slightly amused. "Dude I can practically hear my liver screaming at me," Dean said smiling into his cup. 

Sams mood changed, thinking about what happened when Dean came back. "Yea," Dean said without hesitation. It's like he could read Sam's mind. 

"What?" Sam asked confused that Dean answered him before he asked. "I know you want to talk about, and I know you aren't gonna stop bothering me till I talk."

Dean said, head hanging low as he looked up to Sam with an eyebrow raised. "Do you want  to talk about it?" Sam asked leaning forward a bit. 

"No, not really," Dean said gutting up to get more water. "But, if you got your mind set on it I will," he said sitting back down. "Dean-" Sam started. 

"Man he's your friend too, I shouldn't be keeping things from you," he said relaxing in his chair. "I...I think he's gonna be ok," Dean said taking a deep breath. "For now." 

He finished taking a sip of water. "What happened?" Sam asked. "I showed up and told him to come home." Dean started.

"Obviously he said no then said he wasn't gonna be the reason I don't have a family," he said taking another sip this time finishing the glass. "But he is family," Sam said getting up and walking to the fridge. 

"I know and that's what I said," Dean responded following Sam with his eyes. "Well did he kick you out or what?" Sam asked holding a beer up from across the room.

"Can you get me a water?" Dean asked instead of agreeing to the beer. Sam furrowed his brows thinking how weird it was that Dean was drink water.

Sam walked over as Dean responded to his earlier question. "Actually no," Dean said watching Sam walk over. "He told me he has been alive forever and the second he found "Family" he hurt people," Dean said including Cas' finger quotes. 

"Who has he hurt?" Sam asked "He always had good intentions." he added. "I told him that family is supposed to make each other miserable," Dean responded.

"Well, that probably didn't help," Sam said setting the drinks down. Dean sighed "I told him that family always gets past problems. He told me we weren't family." Dean said hesitantly. 

"Why?" Sam asked confused. "He said he never felt miserable around..." He cleared his throat. "around us." he finished.

 "And that's why he can't be around us? Because he is happy and the Empty doesn't what that?" Sam said putting the pieces together. "mhm" Dean said taking another sip.

"So, you think he's gonna be ok?" Sam asked confused. "Yea I do." Dean said looking at Sam. "And what gives you that impression?" Sam asked. "He told me he was sorry," Dean said.

"And by that, you think he is ok?" Sam asked. He sounded a bit man. "Listen, Sam-" Dean started before getting cut off by him. "No Dean he doesn't sound ok." Sam started sounding even madder

"He sounds like he's in pain and all you did was talk to him?" Sam said almost yelling. "This," Dean started with a raised voice. "This is why we don't talk," He finished.

"You didn't help him, Dean," Sam said, again in a loud voice. "We aren't having this conversation again," Dean said before getting up and leaving.  

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Ik this one was kinda short but oh well