Sad Goodbye, Long Goodbye, Final Goodbye

Death and Graduation

Hamilton never left my side that night. We fell asleep and I woke up later when I felt him moving closer. Without words, we found our way together again. The second time was even more magical than the first. I fell asleep completely content and in love with his arms around me and I never wanted him to let me go. He left just before my mom got home from work and luckily before Misti got home as well.

In the weeks since, I was never happier. People noticed the ring of course and were completely shook until I explained it was just a promise ring. In the back of my mind though, I still knew eventually it would be and someday I would marry him. Aside from a few people who still felt the need to warn me, there was only one person I really wanted to hear from. But we didn't talk anymore really. At least, not since his visit to my house. We were friendly in Chem class, but it was just easier this way.

One Saturday, about a week before graduation, Hamilton took me with him to Steve's house. Steve was such an enigma to most everyone at school; he barely spoke to anyone. But seeing him with Hamilton was a trip. They were such good friends and his girlfriend, Tara, and I spent most of the day just laughing at them. They started planning a double wedding for us after they had a few too many beers.

Hearing two guys plan a wedding was funny enough but when they started talking about Steve's Mach 1 and Hamilton's truck being "in the wedding party," we all lost it. It wasn't until we were sitting on the back porch when everyone had settled that Hamilton got a call that changed the whole night. He started yelling and stood up to kick his chair. I cowered in the chair next to his wondering what could make him so angry. When he finally hung up, I stood to touch his arm and he yanked it away before walking in the house.

"Let me see what's up," Steve offered while Tara stayed with me.

After a few minutes, Tara offered to go check on the guys. I wanted to myself, but Hamilton clearly didn't want me around right now. I tried to imagine what could have happened or who could have called, but nothing made sense. A few minutes later, Hamilton appeared in the doorway and walked slowly to sit next to me.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." His answer was muffled as he looked down, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

"Can I help?"

"Jake died."

"Oh Hamilton, I'm so sorry," I whispered.

I'd never known anyone our age that died. Jake graduated the same year as Hamilton and they were pretty close. I hadn't met him personally, but the guys talked about him a lot.

"They think he was drunk. He crashed. Didn't make it to the hospital," he explained.

I put my hand on his shoulder, I wanted to hug him, to help him, but what could I possibly say or do? He reached up with one hand to touch mine and then pulled it into his lap. Tara and Steve hadn't returned and I assumed she was dealing with the same thing. All of them were friends. This is what all of us say is never going to happen. We drink and some of us drive, swearing we're okay. But we know it's a risk. We should all know better. Be more careful.

"What can I do?" I asked.

"This," he said looking at my hand in his. I kneeled down beside him and saw tears in his eyes. All I could do was lean my forehead against his. Eventually, he let go of my hand to wrap his arms around me. He didn't let go for a long time and I was almost sure he was crying. I squeezed as tight as I could and hoped it helped a little. We headed home a while later and then came the really tough part. A funeral.