Match Made in Quarantine

31. Day Eleven

It was time to go back to the basics. I clenched my fist, determined to succeed: mission "Avoid Maddox'' was underway.

Letting out a sigh, my initial enthusiasm quickly dissipated now that I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I knew I liked him, and I really didn't have as much of my usual willpower. My desire to stay away from him was null, despite knowing that it was the smarter choice. I buried my face in my hands, my heart clenching at the one question that wouldn't leave my mind. 

Why did this happen?

Had I known that I'd start developing feelings for him, I would have done my best to stay away from the very start. Naively, I believed that my initial dislike would be enough to propel me through these twenty days without much difficulty. I really didn't count on the fact that he might not actually be the kind of person I'd painted him out to be in my head.

Did I really need to stay away from him though? He said he likes me...

Biting down on my lip I rested a hand on the wall that connected our rooms, reality slowly seeping into my idealistic thoughts. He liked me right now. That could all change after the next nine days were over and he could go back to his usual hook ups. That would all change in nine days.

We were a match that could only exist in quarantine. Our differences would stand out too much in the real world. It could never work. He would get bored of me, and then he would leave, and I would be heartbroken.

It's not like I'd never dated anyone before.

My first year in college a guy from one of my classes asked me out. I didn't particularly dislike him and seeing as we were in the same class I assumed we had similar interests, so I accepted. It lasted 5 months. Apparently, being with me wasn't fun; all I cared about was school. All he cared about was enjoying his youth. In the end, it wasn't my heart that was hurt as much as my pride.

This time though, it would most definitely be my heart.

I'd been leaning against my door and as soon as I heard the bathroom door close and the shower turn on, I quickly made my way to the kitchen. I made coffee and a couple of sandwiches — hopefully a sufficient amount of food for the day, before hurrying back into my room. To be honest, I felt absolutely ridiculous for multiple reasons. One being that I had no idea how long I could even keep this up for and the more important reason was the shame I felt for behaving this way in my twenties. Sneaking around my own apartment playing the avoidance game, but at the same time I honestly didn't know what else to do.

Locking the door behind me, I exhaled and set the items on my desk. This was going to be a long day. I dedicated most of the morning to catching up with my college responsibilities, and studying. It wasn't going as well as I'd hoped. There was a heavy feeling in my heart and my throat felt constricted whenever I heard Maddox shuffling outside my room.