Into the Fire

FOUR

*DRUGS ARE MENTIONED IN THIS PART OF THE STORY. IT IS NOT DESCRIBED HOWEVER IT DOES SAY THAT SOMETHING HAS BEEN TAKEN. IF THIS IS A TRGGER FOR YOU THEN PLEASE DON'T READ THIS CHAPTER*

*Also, in this chapter their is a mention of a resturant called 'Montsy's'. This is named after a friend of mine who I love dearly and means so much to me. She's @ gublergramz on tiktok. SHOW HER SOME LOVE*

As you got off the jet, you headed to the SUV's that were ready for you as you landed. Getting into the large, black car, Hotch's voice kept replaying in your head, 'You're mine'. 

Why had he said this? Why was he jealous of you and Reid? He was married. When you went home, you went alone. He went home to a wife and a child. It wasn't fair. Yes, they were having trouble at home. 

But you weren't really his. Not until he left Haley. You knew you had to talk to him about it. Your little fling couldn't keep going on. As long as he was married, he was off limits.

"Aaron, we need to talk." You glanced over at him, him looking straight ahead at the road whilst driving to the crime scene, "We need to talk about what just happened."

He looked over at you slightly, "Look, now's not really a good time, we have a case to be-"

You interrupted him before he could finish his sentence. 

"Actually, right now is an excellent time. I'd appreciate it if you didn't always try to cut me off when I want to talk to you about things. You're a profiler Aaron, you can clearly see how I'm feeling. I don't know what we're doing but it needs to stop. Now. I really like you Hotch. I do, don't get me wrong but you're married. You can't just sleep with me, ignore my messages and then get mad when you see me with someone else. How about you think about how I feel. I have to see and hear about you being with someone else every day. Not only are you with someone else, you're literally married to her. You have a child with her. Right now, I'm a homewrecker. She may be cheating on you, and I'm sorry about that, I am. But if you're just using me to get back at her, I won't allow it. You're confusing me. I don't know how to feel. Obviously, this whole thing has only just started. I'm not saying I'm in love with you or anything. I'm just saying I deserve better than this. You say I'm 'yours', but you don't really mean it."

He sighed, "I don't know what this is either. I'm sorry I've made you feel this way. You just have this power over me, every time I see you. I'm sorry about Reid. I'll admit, I was jealous. I can't even imagine how you must feel when you have to hear about me and my personal life. I should put your feelings into consideration too, not just my own. I'm not using you. I have no interest in being with Haley. I don't want someone that doesn't want me either and you do deserve better. I'm sorry this had to happen this way. I really am."

He paused briefly, placing one hand on yours, "I wish things were different. I wish this had happened differently."

What was going on? He never confided in you this much or let his true emotions show to anyone.

Not only this, but he said he wished things were different. What did this mean? You had been friends for a while and had always been quite close, but he couldn't be catching feelings. Surely not? This was just a fling. It was just a way to retaliate and make him feel better with everything going on at home.

Were you feeling things you shouldn't have for Hotch? Yes. But he was with someone else, so it didn't really matter.

The problem was you got attached easily. You liked chasing people you couldn't have because the reality was, everyone in your life had left you. If you chased people you had no chance with, it meant it would never actually become true. Therefore, they couldn't leave you because you were never really with them in the first place.