Lauren

The moment of truth Part 1(32)

<Lauren's POV>

Months had passed since Ian's capture. Since then my body had healed, mostly, but what he did to me emotionally would never go away. I had been anxiously awaiting today.

My black skater dress fell nicely over the white t-shirt contrasting the thin straps. I examined my appearance in the full-length mirror being hypercritical of all the imperfections I saw.

"You look gorgeous," Emily smiled coming up behind me and placing her hands on my shoulders.

She was wearing a black blazer with a white blouse and black pants. "I don't want to do this," I whispered.

"Me either," she pulled me into a hug, " It hurts me to see you look at yourself like that so I'll tell you again. You are beautiful and anything he says to you is bullshit. "

I gave her a small smile and she kissed me on the forehead before she headed out.

As we stood in the lobby of the courthouse the words of our lawyer went in one ear and out the other. I had given up on pretending I was paying attention almost the second we arrived. JJ could tell and pulled me away to a bench on the far side of the room. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to I just thought you needed a breather before..."

"Yeah, thanks." I was holding it together for now but I knew that wasn't going to last long. "I'm scared JJ."

"I know. It's going to be hard. Just think you only have to be strong for a few hours then tonight you'll be back home and you'll never have to do this again."

I nodded and placed my head on her shoulder. Closing my eyes let me drown out the echoing sounds of chatter and let me drift into a much better reality. It could only last so long.

"The United States vs Ian Doyle," someone called and we all stood up to gather in a courtroom.

My heart was beating out of my chest. I felt like I had to throw up and I couldn't stop squeezing JJ's hand.

We were instructed to sit in the booth behind the prosecutor. First Spencer then Declan then JJ, me, and Emily. The rest of the team and other FBI agents on this case filled in the rows behind us.

"They're going to be bringing him in now," the prosecutor whispered to my mother.

"I love you," Emily whispered with her hand rubbing my back.

I wanted to say it back but if i said a word I would burst into tears so I just nodded and kept my eyes on the floor. The last time I saw him was when he stabbed me with a piece of broken glass almost killing me. I was terrified to say the least. I heard the rattling of his hand cuffs and the heavy footsteps of the cops beside him.

"All rise for The Honorable Justice Bailey."

"You can all be seated," Judge Bailey boomed, "Today we are here to discuss the United States vs Ian Doyle. The prosecutor may make their opening statement."

Today was the first time in a long time I had heard his name and all the sudden I could feel his presence. It made me sick to my stomach. As the prosecutor stood and gave the details of Ian's long list of crimes I felt as though I was reliving each one. I wasn't there for every murder or every drug trade but It felt as if I was.

"Thank you, now the defence may make their opening statement."

Emily grabbed my shaky hand and squeezed it in hers as Ian's lawyer gave some half-assed explanation for his actions. Not long after, the prosecutor began giving evidence for each claim. It was one of those things you didn't want to see but couldn't look away. They started small with drugs and guns but the photos still brought back painful memories. I had seen almost everyone of the weapons they were examining. Without warning a photo of bloody rope that had once restrained me flashed across the screen. JJ gasped and Emily squeezed my hand harder. Each photo, diary entry, medical record, or video dug a little bit deeper into my dark past. Ones I never wanted anyone, especially my family, to see. My heart shattered. I felt more exposed and alone then ever as this government agent picked apart each piece of evidence and blankly told a story he would never fully understand.