sounds of a whale → junhao

九

minghao had never seen the ocean.

and jun could not report this fact, trying his best to offer him something, maybe too afraid to confront the tsunami that seemed to be waiting, just like a sword of Damocles hanging up over their heads. he was feeling that something would go wrong when minghao would stand in front of the sea for the first, the sea that he was so fascinated by and still, had always stood so far away from it. he was not sure if he was strong enough for minghao to lean on him at that moment, and, obviously, this idea was the most terrifying one for jun. the one to not be worthy for minghao, the one to weaken without being able to ask for help, the one to make a decisive mistake. sea had scared mankind as much as they had been fascinated by since the dawn of humanity. this huge area of salty water that was giving its colour to their planet and setting the horizon, the one that the depths had probably only for equal the immensity of the sky above their heads. only mankind's imagination could fill the abysses, that no one could reach the bottom of it – and this could have been even more frightening than imagining that the universe had no end. jun, far from deciding which one was less reassuring: the vacuum of space or the Lovecraft's apocalyptic monsters, was only focused on the centre of his own universe and the fear that the latter would turn into a black hole, absorbing all kind of light and energy if he ever made a wrong step.

"You don't wanna tell me where we're going? Seeing your face, we're ready to get lost," sighed minghao suddenly, snuggling against his boyfriend after putting their pieces of baggage on the compartment above their heads, looking at him half worried, half mischievous.

"No," answered jun, immediately looking for his hand to take in his, tried his best to have a reassuring and loving smile.

minghao let out a grunt of frustration, balanced by a smile he could not hold, reflecting San's. He did not protest and let his head rest on jun's shoulder in an affective manner, posing their hands now linked on his knees, possessively.

"Too bad for you. You will have to ask your GPS when you'll be lost."

jun laughed behind his anxiety.

"Trust me."

"Not even in your dreams."

jun giggled.

"I love you."

"I love you too," whispered minghao, his words revealing his smile every time he said it.

"... I love you."

"You what?"

minghao was staring at jun like he had grown a second head. it had not been enough for him to scare him to death, leaving him at his place after telling him goodbye, to come back and knock at his door – at past two am, can you believe – now jun was turning suddenly into a chimerical monster, dramatic illusion that minghao could not believe.

Music Day was over for a long time now, minghao's bullies and jun's abuser gone, the night had spread on the roofs and the lights of the shops were turned off. minghao realized suddenly that jun had been ready to come back home by feet, since public transportations would not operate before five thirty in the morning. this thought made his unbelief and fear turn into anger.

"If you wanted to sleep at home, you could have just ask, no need to pretend, wen junhui!"

"If I wanted what?" choked the latter, his eyes wide opened, leaning imperceptibly forward, like he had taken a blow.

"I'm tired of your lies and your tricks to take advantage of me, you think I don't know that those people are your friends? That you're just acting because it turns you on to wait for me to surrender so you could walk all over me?"

minghao had kept on throwing his venom for many seconds, maybe even one or two minutes, a few eternities for jun, frozen in the middle of the paved way that was leading to the entrance of his building, in chock, his legs shaking.

"m-minghao?"

his voice had came out more high-pitched then what he had wanted, and his shaking was against his will. however the latter did not stop his logorrhea, coming closer to him, his finger raised to insult an old student, jun did not know who, who had learned that not only was he too fat to be pretty, but also minghao had the indecency to be gay, and had lied to him to pretend going out with him after a bet with his friends, and how this boy had stolen his first kiss before slapping him. and as he was pronouncing the word "slap", minghao had risen his hand, probably without even noticing it, enraged, and jun abruptly cringed. if the gesture had made obvious his complete vulnerability, it had made minghao quiet, and the silence came between them like a light breeze before the younger broke it, his voice completely changed:

"jun... why are you crying?"

only a sob answered him.

jun kept his big ink like dark eyes fixed on the other one, sparkling with tears, unable to move, his mouth still a bit open like he had tried to interrupt him. standing still in the middle of the way like idiots, the two boys were staring at each other without understanding what was going on. at this moment, minghao's hand, before ready to slap the other one without mercy, touched, delicate and fresh, jun's cheek. The latter sniffed at the touch, closing his mouth without talking further.

"Are you crying because I scared you?"

minghao had to focus to hear the whispered "no", as if he was answering him from the other side of the parking.

"Because you think that I don't like you?"

minghao was unsure but at the same time, jun must have known how he was feeling towards him. if he had tried to push him away, it was in the hope to trigger his fall, to make him leave while he was expecting nothing from him, hoping to not hope. if he had made fun of jun's feelings and his way of caring, it was to mock what was yelling in his heart and to consign what he was feeling on the deepest part of his unconscious. for him, jun was too handsome to be real, too perfect to be honest, and if he was indeed desperate to meet someone like him, he did not believe in the fairytale anymore. so it was obvious that jun was lying. minghao's brain was working trying to find a logical explanation, but to see the tears going out of the involuntarily loved eyes, he could ignore it.

"No..."

jun's voice was a bit more audible and minghao slowly stroke his cheek with his thumb.

"Then why are you crying?"

another breeze went through them.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when they hurt you..."

and jun sobbed again, closing his eyes this time, by shame, by fear or by shyness, minghao could not tell, too focused on the wave of heat that was flooding his chest, giving him wings strong enough to make him move forward, his other hand put on jun's chest, toward jun's lips.

and like a geyser, a volcano, an earthquake, the feelings of the other one burst as jun grabbed him in a way too passionate embrace to be fake, taking him into a blunt, almost savage, kiss. minghao was too lost to be able to remember anything else from this night, lost in a vortex of emotions that still offered him the very first feeling of fullness of his life.

"Do you wanna share an earphone?"

brutally taken out of his thoughts and memories, minghao jumped, creating a half mocking, half moved, laugh from jun's mouth. A very light punch answered him.

"Don't laugh!"

without surprise, jun laughed even more, closing his eyes and digging his dimples. making the most out of the fact that the almost empty wagon, minghao started to throw at him few little punches, knowing very well that the other one would stop him by kissing him and ruffling his hair. minghao thought that it was a better way to ask for kiss rather than ask, in a boring way.