Dream ≠ h.h.j

09

> Ha-Jun's POV

Awful. Everything was intolerable, unbearable and impossible. The primitive law of nature was to let life run its own course, like a current flowing with a river- natural as it should be, free without constraint. That didn't mean that I would accept whatever that had been shoved into my life willingly, as though I would welcome a big boulder destroying my home and passing it off as fate or stupid crap like destiny. 

Even worse, when I do know that someone had thrived because others had suffered, it could no longer be justified as 'mother nature's force'. It was pure selfishness and an act of their own accord that led to the dismay of others. You had to be smart, cunning and bold to create pathways instead of waiting for one to open itself. 

And yet...why?

I clenched the wooden desk and thought bitterly, absorbing my surroundings knowing I should not be here and instead somewhere else. 

"Have you prepared the report for the meeting later?" I heard Roy's voice from beside me.

"I suppose so." I muttered, staring into one of the windows aimlessly. 

Knowing him, he would have scoffed at my lackluster response, sometimes even punching me when I sounded too much of an asshole, but I didn't know what he would say. It always came as a surprise when people I knew for years were acting strange and out of the ordinary, but it was just another feature I had to get used to. 

I glanced at all three students in the far corner; one girl and two boy seated while they chirped silently. I could feel a surge of anger rising within me, but as soon as it started, it had sunk back down just as quickly, appearing as though nothing had happened. Like always, I couldn't feel anything I wasn't suppose to feel when I was around her. 

Everything monitored.

Controlled.

If it wasn't for my brain and existing memories, my fleeting emotions would have fooled me to think that everything was the way it should be. 

Kim Hanna, the source of all my troubles. Just seconds before I knew I was angry with her, but I couldn't put my finger as to why. This was why I had to learn to restrict even thinking the basic minimum when I was around her, it was dangerous having to juggle important puzzle pieces while I was only allowed to keep it with me on the top of my fingernails. 

If I thought too much, I could lose everything and I would fit right in as it should. But I couldn't. I looked away and tried to keep myself busy with unimportant matters that I had to prioritize,  had to invest time and effort in to keep myself going. 

Student Council work was one of it, and it was one of the tasks I grudgingly complied with. Along with my parent's charity work that I've learned to manage. 

Focus.

That forgotten piece of puzzle would eventually return back to me once I can freely start thinking again. It was like a chain all connected together, and if you remembered A, you would remember B as well. If one of the alphabet had vanished, I just need to start all over again, counting until I reach that piece and by the pull of muscle memory and some inner conscious state, it would be restored.  

It had some flaws in the sense that if more than one were to disappear, the chains within those puzzles would be loose in its bonds and over time, it would rust and be completely unrecognizable even within the human mind. The mind is no longer able to extract or recall the memory and the part would be lost forever. 

A grave mistake.

I was too careless when I was new, and I sacrificed something important before I even knew its value and worth to me. 

"Let's release them for lunch." I said to Roy. 

He nodded and walked to where they sat. 

I picked up the pen from the holder and twisted it with my thumb and finger, watching it spin and twist and turn. 

"You are all free to go to lunch." he regarded to all three of them as I walked towards him. 

I randomly pushed the pen down and heard a sharp click as I saw the tip of the pen emerged, sharp with ink bleeding from the metal. A habit of mine that I can't seem to get rid of, an annoying one that my father loathes. All the more to do it.

"Do we come back to the same place tomorrow?" a curious boy from the left spoke, his hands raised as though he was asking a serious question from a teacher. 

I thought that they were delinquents, but maybe there was more than what meets the eye. 

"Yes, it shou-" Roy started but paused. "Are you alright Lee- Kim Hanna?" 

I looker to her and realized that she was suddenly pale, her eyes were wide and trembling as though she had saw something forbidden. Cold sweat had dripped from her forehead as well and- now that I had taken a closer look- she was full of fear. 

Everybody had called her name but she looked like she was trapped in a trance, her mind in a daze and she was not responding well. 

She mumbled something, no she chanted. 

"W-what did you say?" another anxious and perhaps confused boy leaned closer to catch what she was saying, his face full of hope and fright. 

"Get away from me!" she jumped from her seat and yelled, both her hands covering her ears while she trembled vigorously. 

They looked more concern than they had previously been and they approached her carefully, with both palms faced towards her to show that they mean no harm. I frowned at her behavior, and I could feel something crawl in my mind before I shut it out completely, shifting my focus to her instead. 

Facing away from me, I then realized that she gave quick, horrified glances behind her. More specifically, towards me. 

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